After the debate?

A three day debate was held at Dumfries Sheriff Court at the end of June. Many decent people stood outside the court outraged by the actions of a convicted serial rapist ex-police inspector who's trying to regain his full police pension. The sob story he's used about his two sons ...well the boys are victims too - both now 'grown up,' as in over the age of 18. These lads are victims of the behaviour and criminal activities of their father. Adam Carruthers chose to do this to them too.

I had always thought that the job of the police was to prevent crime and to protect the public. Carruthers did exactly the opposite - he committed crimes and hurt a goodly number of women whilst he was on duty as a police officer. L&B Police traced 38 victims in their inquiries.

Carruthers arguments are beyond me - violation of his human rights? His actions were entirely his own choice. He will not accept responsibility for his own actions like any decent human being does. In this case I feel that the ECHR could not apply to Carruthers. After all, did he consider the human rights of all of his victims and the effect of his actions on them? Many of his victims will not have a pension due to his atrocious behaviour. Sadly some of them have committed suicide.

A decision on this case will be made by the Sheriff in the autumn, but I have been warned that whoever loses is very likely to take this to the Court of Session in Edinburgh. If this all goes against Carruthers, I am told he is likely to take it to the European Court of Human Rights if his generous amount of legal aid so far granted still allows.

So after the debate ......we all continue to wait. Nothing new there then for all the victims, their families and those decent people who are funding his case through the use of legal aid.

Pension hearing starts Tuesday 16th June

Many of you have emailed me to ask for a date the pension hearing case. A journalist had told me it was to start next Thursday, but looking at the Scottish Courts Lists for Dumfries, the hearing of
Adam Carruthers vs Dumfries and Galloway Council
over his right to a full police pension , is scheduled to start on Tuesday 16th June at 10 a.m. at Dumfries Sheriff Court, Buccleuch Street, Dumfries. His claim is in spite of the fact that he raped and sexually assaulted women whilst on duty as a senior police officer.

The court lists show that three days have been set aside for this hearing. Three days! I know, I can imagine what many of you are thinking and it's probably not much different to my own thoughts. At this stage, Carruthers still has almost three years of his prison sentence left to serve, even though he is currently serving it at home in his local community with conditions attached following his release last September.

This hearing is at the expense of the tax payer, income and council tax as it's funded by Legal Aid and the local council have to fight the case using our council tax payments. I'm certainly not happy about that especially as I haven't even got a pension to look forward to.

I won't be at the hearing as the terms of Carruthers licence would make that impossible and, to be honest, I have no desire to see that 'man' ever again should he have the brass neck to appear in person. No doubt I'll hear on the news the outcome of the case ...whenever it comes and be able to update you on the blog. After all that's happened with various stages of the Carruthers case I won't be holding my breath with the outcome of this one.

If Carruthers wins, as I've already alluded to, I believe it would be give his many other victims the opportunity to take him to court through the civil court. 'Proof beyond all reasonable doubt' is not required in a civil case as it was for the criminal case held at Glasgow High Court in May 2001. All of you who have suffered at the hands of Carruthers might like to bear this in mind. He is already a convicted rapist and serial sex offender.

The big question will be ....is rape a pensionable occupation?

Solidarity

Apologies for no posts on the blog for a while. We've had a very significant birthday to celebrate in the family. I hope we will continue to do so at various times during the rest of the year. That takes priority when it's somebody who is so special.
More recently I've had a bad whack of asthma and am coping with that annoying problem. Two rounds of 'stair rods,' steroids in normal speak, and I'm still fighting the wheezes in spite of all that's being thrown at my lungs. Inhalers and nebuliser are all in full flow - more than my lungs are!

Thanks to Dr Elaine Murray MSP for the motion in the Scottish Parliament on the issue of pensions for convicted offenders, pursued at public expense, who committed offences through their work. I hope this will lead to something positive and change in the future. I know this is a long haul and nothing will happen overnight, but the issue of legal aid for a convicted rapist to fight for a pension when he raped whilst on duty is something that must be followed up until a sensible solution is found. I still can't believe that is has been at the expense of the public purse.

A very firm positive hand of solidarity to Ann Robertson ,43, who was a witness in the recent Grangemouth rape case, held at the High Court, Edinburgh, with two other victims of sexual assault. Ann, a particularly unfortunate rape witness in this court case was ordered to be held in custody overnight by Judge Roger Craik. Why? She broke down in the witness box whilst giving evidence and was so upset she tried to leave. Judge Craik thought this was sufficient reason to lock her up for contempt of court. Ultimately Ann's attacker was found guilty of abusing two other girls at this trial but Ann's rape case was dropped as a result of the trauma she suffered in court giving evidence.

I found that giving evidence at a rape trial was an extremely harrowing experience. I still can't decide if it was worse than the event itself or on a par with it. Talking over horrific details of a very intimate personal assault in front of a lot of strangers is not something that any normal person could be happy with. It is horribly difficult. Like many victims of rape, there are those of us who suffer from varying degrees of PTSD as a result of the offence(s.) Reliving the experience is extremely traumatic and it flipped my PTSD symptoms to extremes before, during and after the trial. I didn't do well in court, I felt a wreck, I had to be excused by the judge at times and drank gallons of water and it seemed like I cried equal amounts in tears and used masses of paper hankies.

Ann, if you read this blog, I really feel for you. It's beyond belief for you to have been treated in this way. Very well done for managing to speak out about the horrific and, I feel, utterly inhuman treatment that you received. You are stronger than you might think and I take my hat off to you for speaking out and for asking for changes as a result of what Judge Craik did to you. In my mind Judge Craik has put the work of rape crisis centres and victim support workers back many years. The statistics comparing reported rapes to convictions is dire enough as it is. Judge Craik has undoubtedly made it a more difficult decision for any future victim to feel able to come forward and to hope to be treated reasonably and with respect.

As for the ongoing disgraced ex-cop Carruthers pension claim against Dumfries and Galloway Council - there was a third preliminary hearing at Dumfries Sheriff Court last Thursday. I do not have an outcome for this latest hearing. I phoned the court to find out and was told that the information could not be released to me. That said, the following night on Lookaround the presenters said a date had been set for the full hearing but they didn't say what it was. So I don't have that date as yet. As we know, victims and council tax payers who are helping to defend this deplorable action taken by serial sex offender Carruthers are being treated badly yet again. People don't seem to count. Heaven forbid he wins, we will have to pay again through our council tax. Double whammy.

Anybody who does have a date for the full hearing, do please leave a comment on the blog and I'll chase it up and then let you all know what the supporters wishing to see a fair deal plan to do next to highlight this atrocious claim funded by public money through Legal Aid.

A time to stand up

Today was, in my eyes and in those people I spoke to who took part, extremely successful. With the fanstastic help and encouragement of friends and family I came home feeling that a lot has been achieved today. We have raised awareness, not just locally but nationally. It can only benefit others and we all hope lead to positive outcomes.

The abuse of public money (income tax and council tax for those of us in D&G) for the benefit of a serial rapist has been highlighted on BBC 'Good Morning Scotland,' BBC 'Reporting Scotland,' BBC Scotland 'Newsdrive,' a number of other news and TV bulletins and a large number of national and local papers. More local papers are published on friday, so there may be more in those.

Many thanks to all of you who took part and for the miles you put in to make it to the court, for the posters you made and for being willing to stand up and be counted for something that is so obviously a signal that perpetrators have more human rights than victims. I know you all willingly did it because you feel as passionately as I do about the issues involved. I think you will find that more people will be thinking how brave you all were today to show your faces and to want the changes that are so overdue.

There have been very positive comments from everybody I've spoken to about the protest and the coverage received. Dr Elaine Murray MSP did a superb piece on 'Good Morning Scotland' and Iraina, director of SW Rape Crisis Centre also appeared and spoke on the issues involved with me. Thanks to Elaine and especially to Iraina who works tirelessly on these issues.

I came home, very tired after two days of this, to find the very first negative comment left on this blog and it simply emphasised all the more why our joint action is necessary and why awareness of the issues involved in serious sexual assault and rape have to be raised. Anon I feel sorry for you. You are the only person ever to leave a comment to make me think should I hit publish or reject?
This is what the ANON said:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Pension for a serial rapist?":
let bygones be bygones, get on with your life. stop living in the past,and cashing in on it. take control, and stop the sympathy vote.
Anon, I think you simply show you live without empathy for your fellow man/woman. You obviously haven't worked out that these are the very sorts of crimes where the victims can't 'take control' (try chronic PTSD and you'll find out about nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues and the likes.) Such naive thinking from anon - I pity you and anybody you know who may become a victim of such crimes. have a look at the Rape Crisis Scotland website, the White Ribbon Campaign website or Amnesty International. They are very educational.

I think that I speak for all victims of rape and serious sexual assualt - no victim seeks the 'sympathy vote.' We didn't have a choice in what happened to us. That is exactly why rape and sexual assault are criminal offences.
Anon, I suggest that you become more acquainted with the effects of rape and sexual abuse cases, their ramifications in all areas of a victims life. Also find out about the fantastic work that the rape crisis centres do - like our local one, where they counselled 199 victims in last year in this relatively sparsely populated region on a small budget. When/if you manage that Anon - perhaps you could make a more informed judgement on issues that involve such brutal violence. Then perhaps you might be able to make a more valuable contribution to society and to social policy discussions and campaigns. I really hope you or anybody close to you never finds out first-hand about rape and sexual abuse ...remember it can and does happen to either sex, any age.

So to the good people who turned out today - this comment from anon is simply another reason why each one of us was there to highlight the abuse of tax payers money, the inequalities of the Carruthers case (and those similar to it) and why you don't just 'forget about it and let bygones be bygones.' We all fight for equal rights in what is hoped to be a world of equality in all areas of life. That is all that victims of rape want ....other than the obvious of there to be no perpetrators so it wouldn't happen in the first place or ever. Oh, for that ideal world with no violent crime and no inequalities in a proper justice system!

Pension for a serial rapist?

This is the week, on Thursday 29th, when the decision will be made in Dumfries Sheriff Court about Carruthers' pension fight. Will the Sheriff decide to give him his full pension? Will the Sheriff decide that he doesn't have a right to it as D&G Council did? Carruthers got up to 100,000K in legal aid to fight for it to alleviate his 'family hardship.' If the decision goes against him will he appeal? Highly likely on his past performance. I think many rapists like Carruthers live in complete denial about everything - be it rapes or pension rights.

I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.

Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.

I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.

The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.

So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.

What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?

I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.

Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.

After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.

Now is the time

For hoping that all my supporters, their families and friends have had a superb Yuletide/Christmas and will have a very Happy New Year.

Naturally there are other issues to cover but now is not the time to write about them.

From me for now, a very happy new year to all and here's hoping for a much fairer justice system and a better deal for any survivor of crime in 2009. I'll keep campaigning - I hope you will continue to campaign or support as you are able.

With best wishes, Jane

White Ribbon Campaign Day & Week

It's been a busy week and today it's White Ribbon Day which starts off a week or more of men pledging not to commit, condone or to remain silent about violence to women. It's a fantastic campaign and if you're not familiar with it, I urge you to have a look at my blog post on the 8th November and follow the link to the WRC website or the link in the right hand column under the red title header of campaigning.

I was really heartened to read the BBC South of Scotland online news and to see that Deputy Chief Constable George Graham of Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary is fully supporting the campaign and asking other men to do the same. The police attend many incidents of domestic violence and of course, there is their own ex-police inspector Adam Caruthers who was guilty of rapes and sexual assaults and many more victims were identified who suffered at the hands of Carruthers over a 20 year period. Is this another real step forward from the old 'male-dominated macho police culture' that was very evident and shocked me when I first joined the Special Constabulary? For me, I see WRC and the police's support for the campaign today as very positive and progressive. Well done to D&G Police.

What is especially interesting is that my blog was picked up on by some of the local papers last week and one newspaper group, the Dumfriesshire News Group, concentrated on my post about the White Ribbon Campaign and on my support for it. They published articles on the WRC and on the case of Adam Carruthers. Then the news of the D&G Constabulary support for WRC today. How the word spreads and all for the greater good. I hope this all makes men think about the actions of other men, or indeed to think about their own actions, even if that is about condoning or remainging silent about such dreadful behaviour that affects the lives of women.

I was proud to wear a white ribbon today, as I have done since it arrived in the post a couple of weeks ago. My carer also asked me for a white ribbon and she has been wearing it proudly and telling people what it's all about. This isn't about gender, but it is about violence and sadly the fact is that men are the main perpetrators of violence toward women.

A stark fact from WRC: violence against women causes more deaths and disability women in the 15 - 44 age group than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war. That shocked me - does it shock you?

As WRC say,
men can work to change behaviour that is both emotionally and physically violent to create a world that is based on gender equality."

Please show your support. Wear a white ribbon and support the campaign. Please donate to WRC if you can afford to - the money goes towards helping women's aid and rape crisis charities who deal with the aftermath of male violence against women.

Compounding errors

There’s been a lot of activity in the press on the subject of convicted rape cop Adam Carruthers in the last few days. On Friday of last week, the Daily Record published a piece about how Carruthers, in a job application, said he left the police force "due to issues out with my control." It seems this man won’t tell the truth and won’t accept that he is a serial sex offender who has serious behavioural problems which eventually, thankfully culminated in his prison sentence and now, sadly, his automatic release from prison under licence.

On Saturday the Daily Record printed an article about this blog. I didn’t see either of these articles in print, but as usual, accessed my news online. It’s the way I get most of my news. Using online news facilities means I don’t have to go out and face the world when I don’t feel up to it, which is most of the time.

Today the Dumfries and Galloway Standard have printed a piece about the blog and the use of tax payers money that Carruthers has at his disposal to fight for his full pension. Such a horrible event for all of his many victims who I think may all come from D&G. Many of them, like me, will be council tax payers.

So compound errors? Carruthers obviously still won’t accept responsibility for his crimes, which continues to leave him as a serious danger and risk to the public and to any community he frequents. The articles in the press state that "I have waived my right to anonymity." Well that is only 'sort of,' in that I allowed my photograph to be taken for articles at the time of the release of Carruthers with strict conditions on their use, or lack of use in the future. I’ve given a name too, but no more than that. Why? I’ve not done anything wrong, I’ve nothing to be ashamed of in what somebody decided to do to me. One important thing I do have to consider is the effect on my family; once again this is a difficult time for them in so many ways.

A rape victim has all control taken from them at the time of an attack. If they report to the police and pursue the attack through the courts, then control is continually lost as the process and the courts dictate procedures .......and so it goes on. Keeping control is a really important issue for most victims of rape and serious sexual assaults. Hence my mixed feelings about the 'balance' in the reporting of some issues I’ve raised in this blog. Journalists, like many writers, might only take edited portions of words said or words printed. Sadly this doesn’t always give the full picture or errors are either compounded by a lack of research or repeating errors previously made.

Why am I feeling slightly aggrieved about this? Because, importantly, the decent people who are tax payers are losers in money dished out by the Legal Aid Board, so are the many victims in the issues raised by Carruthers constant attempts to say “I didn’t do it,” “I want my full pension,” and “I want compensation for having to slop out in prison.” I would argue that when he committed the crimes, he of all people knew what the consequences of getting caught would be.
So far Carruthers has already used over £110,000 of tax payers’ money given from legal aid. Now he has been given up to another £100,000 to fight for his full pension and apparently he’s got yet another application in the pipeline for yet more legal issues he wishes to pursue.

When is the line drawn? It doesn’t seem to be with this man and he’s simply 'playing the system' we have in place. There is just one thick line for the victims with just one chance to give your evidence in court and coping with that was extremely hard with your attacker sitting close by in the dock. Is this constant pursuit against ‘unwelcome decisions’ by a criminal just and respectful for the law abiding citizens, tax payers and council tax payers? How this money could be put to much better use. The rape crisis centres would be extremely grateful for a fraction of this amount of money as they try to work on shoestring budgets and they save lives - the lives of victims like me.

Thankfully many aspects of the investigation and court process are changing from the time when the Carruthers case went to court and there is good news on that front. Forty of the fifty recommendations made in the “Review of the Investigation and Prosecution of Sexual Offences in Scotland,” published by the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service in June 2006 have been implemented.

The use tax payers money for legal aid for criminals chasing the things they lost the right to by committing crimes is something that I urge you to consider carefully and to pursue with your MSP if you also think it is not a fair system when a convicted criminal can’t seem to get the answers he apparently desires, no matter how many times he might try.
Now, where and when is that line going to be drawn?

The time of year

I'd got loads of things lined up in my mind to follow up on the blog since my last entry and none of them have sprung into reality. It's just like me. No action. Feel ....well actually I feel very little. Sometimes I feel nothing bar an emptiness and a heavy head.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.

Magazine article

As it came towards the automatic early release of Carruthers from jail, I was asked if I'd do a couple of newspaper articles and an article for a magazine. I'm afraid to say I'd not heard of 'Pick Me Up' before. I really don't get out much these days! The magazine with the article on my dreadful encounter with Adam Carruthers was published this last Thursday (16th October), in Issue 42. My carer got me a copy of it on Friday but I simply can't bring myself to read it through. I know it tells the awful tale and the headline on the front is "tortured and raped by my boss." Sadly what it doesn't say on the front cover is that he was a cop on duty and in uniform when it happened.

The interview was done over the phone after an earlier interview I did with friend and trusted journalist Marcello Mega. After consulting my family, I made the difficult decision to give up my image but not my full identity and anonyimty. He had stories in the Sunday Mail and the Mail on Sunday a couple of days after the release of Carruthers. The interview was really hard to do. A woman I'd never spoken to before, I couldn't see her face, she couldn't see mine - thankfully. She read it all back to me. It nearly creased me; the tears ran down my face as she was reading it back and I found I went into a downward spiral for days afterwards.

So why do it? Why put myself through this? The reason is that it will make people think about rape, the after-effects and the issues - or so I hope. The publication of the PMU article wonderfully coincides with the Rape Crisis Scotland campaign, "this is not an invitation to rape me," which was launched this very same week. They now have a live website at www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk and I would urge you to look at it. It challenges the myths that women are somehow asking to be raped for reasons of dress, drink, intimacy, relationships. One day, heaven forbid, you might be a juror in a rape trial - how would you react to these questions that the defence will throw at you about the victim?
There are other less important reasons for doing this article, less important than the reason I'm campaigning for changes in the way victims are treated, but ones that people might like to think about. It will go some way to pay for the extra security - new doors, new windows with multiple locking points and the CCTV that has had to put around my house to fulfill the police security survey on the property. This has run into many thousands of pounds. It of course nowhere near meets these bills, but for my mother it is of paramount importance to her that I am as safe as possible and so the work has had to be done. The poor woman has gone through hell and still does with everything that has happened to me. As she approaches 80, it's not what I want for her, or for any decent person. She's a very generous and kindly soul and I'm not saying that because she's my Mum, but she is very special. Others who read this blog and know her will I'm sure agree whole heartedly. I hate the ripple effect of crime. Sadly there has been nothing I can do about it to protect the people I really love and care about.

There is a weird juxtaposition of headlines on the front cover of the magazine. Some that highlight what turns a woman on, having a monster mouth, a wife swap, the shape of a bloke's penis and then ......the article about Carruthers heinous actions. Somehow it seems strange to me, but the magazine caters for their readership and they obviously like the good, bad and the simply weird stories.

Will this article do any good for the campaigning of how rape victims are treated? Will it raise the abysmal 2.9% conviction rate of rape cases that go to court in Scotland? Marcello has told me that the article been taken up by Jeremy Kyle in the "Jeremy's Judgement" section of the magazine, so perhaps that shows the relevance of the issues involved. There is apparently also comment from a psychologist about the deviant behaviour of Carruthers .....so who knows the outcome and the impact. It's like any campaign, you put in everything you're mentally and physically able to in order to raise awareness and, for me, I just hope that there will be benefits for those who will sadly follow in the future. Rape destroys lives.

Is this really consultation?

On 1st September 2008 a consultation document was launched by the Scottish Government:
"SENTENCING GUIDELINES AND A SCOTTISH SENTENCING COUNCIL,
CONSULTATION AND PROPOSALS"
How did I find out about it? It was pure luck. Some time ago I decided to subscribe to the weekly round up of the SG consultations that comes by email. I do read this each week, and there it was, glaring out at me at the very time one of the most devious, dangerous and unrepentant men in Scotland was to be released from prison after just over 7 years inside for the most horrendous crimes and showing a complete abuse of power.
This consultation process – is it advertised other than online? If people who might well wish to comment are not Internet users then how do they find out what is up for consultation? Even if you are an Internet user, will you find this document easily? I think not. This is really important information that might well make such a difference in the most serious criminal cases. I asked Marcello Mega my journalist friend about it. He didn’t know this particular consultation process was ongoing. That only showed me how badly advertised these critical documents are advertised.
So what about the SG consultation process I ask myself? How can the population consult these guidelines and proposals in the documents and make responses by the cut off date if they don’t even know they exist? Is that right? Does it just pay lip service to the notion of real participation in a democracy?
I had an example quoted to me when one such document was spoken about after the consultation process. A journalist asked the Justice Minister, “and how many people responded to the consultation process.” Apparently the Minister said he didn’t know, looked to his civil servant aid. She procrastinated a fair bit, didn’t want to give an exact figure but said, “but it was advertised on our website on the Internet.” That is not a consultation process in my book. It’s more like a chance encounter.
So now you do know about this. The cut off date for responses for this particular consulation is 21st November 2008. The whole document and details of how you can respond is in .pdf format, available for you to read online and can be found at:
http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Consultations/Current
There it sits with many more interesting subjects that are currently “out for the consultation process.” I’d be most interested to know the average number of responses to any of these consultation documents from the general public who, after all are served by government.
I shall not only be making a submission in response by 21/11/08 but I shall also let my MSP know that this seems a very unfair way of making the electorate aware of how to have a say in what happens in critically important issues in society.

Are you one?

I've been pondering about a comment left on my blog the other day by a woman who was also raped by Carruthers. I realise the amount of emotional outrage and stirring that will inevitably have been caused by the release of Carruthers from such a short time in prison, especially considering the nature of his crimes.

I don't know if you're the one who left the comment and perhaps you'll read this entry if you're following my blog. Whatever, please don't think you're alone. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I bottled it all up for so long, telling nobody. Bottled so much I could have got a job with Guinness, but the result has not been good for my mental health. That bottling, telling nobody (not helped by a string of other horrendous things in a short space of time) led to the chronic level of PTSD that I now have.

If you are a Carruthers victim and you're not coping with what's going on at the moment please speak to somebody if you feel able. Doesn't matter who - a trusted friend, the local rape crisis service, the lovely woman at the head of the Offender Mangament Unit of D&G Constabulary who has been so helpful to me about the release of that scumbag. Just please don't think you're alone with the burden of the memories of what that man did to you and to so many other women. I know you'll be understood and believed. That issue of belief is one of the worst things about sexual crimes. "How can I prove it?" Do take some courage in that it was proved and Carruthers was found guilty, did go to prison, albeit for not very long considering the nature of his crimes. He is a registered sex offender for life. He was found to have committed his crimes over a 20 year period - perhaps it was longer?

There have to be changes to the legislation and the way the legal system deal with these crimes and I'm really fighting for that, so much so that I gave up my image that was precious to me. If you believe in these changes being necessary too, do please leave me a comment - it could be done anonymously, it's up to you, just a show of support would be great.

Decent people do care about their fellow woman/man. Nobody deserves to be abused and in this case the use of a police uniform by Carruthers made it all so much worse. Help me to fight on and do make some noise, even if it's just a squeak!

Day after publication

My back is utterly revolting again today. I suppose the house move alone was bound to take it's toll even though I've done very little physically. It ends up as another reminder of that dreadful day in October 96 that haunts me in all sorts of ways. A bad back always triggers more flashbacks too which one of the horrible sides to chronic PTSD. Flashbacks are such a pain and I'd do anything other than relive that life-changing day over and over again in glorious technicolour. As I know after years of so many doctors, consultants, specialists and experts, there are no solutions to my PTSD and so it's get on with it and keep taking the tablets. Mental health services have been a let down with being unable to help me that I now don't bother to say much as there is nothing positive that they seem to be able to do for me.
As you gather, I feel utterly drained and really quite down today and I've not been able to achieve much. Certainly not the list I'd made up last night. I try to do lists so I don't drift and lose my place with the things that need to be done. It's ordinary day-to-day living, but that doesn't always come easily for me after the assaults. Pain is never a good companion and the Tramadol pills and anti-inflammatory pills just aren't really touching the pain at the moment. My back is going into spasm frequently today and that is certainly not much fun.
All of this isn't what I'd expected today, but last week was a really busy one for me with the usual crop of medics to see and then the news articles to do ....not to mention the not so small matter of the release day of that devious and disgusting serial sex offender Carruthers on Friday.
I have to realise that I don't have masses of energy like I used to have, but this does irritate me and I get incredibly frustrated by not being able to keep going. Aye, I know, I shouldn't complain as there are sadly always others far worse off. I just 'don't do' the frustration issue very well.
Emails of support from the newspaper articles have been much appreciated and perhaps I might get some momentum behind the issue of serious sexual offences being treated as such by the government and the legislators of the future and even perhaps a change with those who deal with the perpetrators of these crimes who so often fail the victims. Am I dreaming on this one?
Victims of these very serious crimes are so often forgotten and yet they are the ones who really go through it, as do their families. Take the case of Ms X in the Carruthers trial. I was horrified when I found out what he'd done to her and how he'd duped her husband so he could rape her yet again. I honestly don't know how they might ever come to terms with that.
I seriously hope I'm not dreaming on achieving positive change as it really does matter to me that people who have been hurt, those driven to contemplate or those who have committed suicide because of heinous crimes have not suffered in vain. It also matters to me that the risk is minimised for the future and women are kept as safe as possible from the rapists and sex offenders - especially those who commit their crimes by abusing their power.