Many of you have emailed me to ask for a date the pension hearing case. A journalist had told me it was to start next Thursday, but looking at the Scottish Courts Lists for Dumfries, the hearing of
Adam Carruthers vs Dumfries and Galloway Council
over his right to a full police pension , is scheduled to start on Tuesday 16th June at 10 a.m. at Dumfries Sheriff Court, Buccleuch Street, Dumfries. His claim is in spite of the fact that he raped and sexually assaulted women whilst on duty as a senior police officer.
The court lists show that three days have been set aside for this hearing. Three days! I know, I can imagine what many of you are thinking and it's probably not much different to my own thoughts. At this stage, Carruthers still has almost three years of his prison sentence left to serve, even though he is currently serving it at home in his local community with conditions attached following his release last September.
This hearing is at the expense of the tax payer, income and council tax as it's funded by Legal Aid and the local council have to fight the case using our council tax payments. I'm certainly not happy about that especially as I haven't even got a pension to look forward to.
I won't be at the hearing as the terms of Carruthers licence would make that impossible and, to be honest, I have no desire to see that 'man' ever again should he have the brass neck to appear in person. No doubt I'll hear on the news the outcome of the case ...whenever it comes and be able to update you on the blog. After all that's happened with various stages of the Carruthers case I won't be holding my breath with the outcome of this one.
If Carruthers wins, as I've already alluded to, I believe it would be give his many other victims the opportunity to take him to court through the civil court. 'Proof beyond all reasonable doubt' is not required in a civil case as it was for the criminal case held at Glasgow High Court in May 2001. All of you who have suffered at the hands of Carruthers might like to bear this in mind. He is already a convicted rapist and serial sex offender.
The big question will be ....is rape a pensionable occupation?
Showing posts with label supporters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label supporters. Show all posts
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
A full pension hearing date
After an incredible four preliminary hearings, at heaven knows what expense to the public purse taken from council tax and income tax payers, a date has finally been set for a full pension hearing for rapist, ex-cop Adam Carruthers. Will we finally discover if rape is a pensionable occupation? Are police officers who have turned bad going to be pensioned in spite of such heinous crimes? What will that say about our society?
Many thanks to the journalists who were kind enough to get in touch and give me the date for the full hearing.
The date has been set as 18th June 2009, but one kind journalist has said that there is a chance it could happen the week before on the 11th June. The only way to find out is to log onto the Scottish Courts website and they only post up hearing 5 days beforehand. As 11th is a Thursday, it might only become public on the Monday before? That's the justice system for you. The rape trial in 2001 finally ran at it's fifth and last possible date before it became 'time barred.'
I'm not sure how civil cases work in the courts with regards to dates and if they are as unreliable on time as the criminal cases often are. I remember in 2001 being sickened at being all geared up to give evidence at the High Court only to hear that the trial had been postponed. Four postponements was not the way to treat victims of such serious crimes who all had psychological injuries as a result of the actions of Carruthers.
So come the full pension hearing I know there is a lot of support out there and there are many of you who have been in touch who wish to hold another quiet, dignified protest at the court in Dumfries when the hearing is on. This is possibly your date ....or do I mean dates?
The journalists tell me that the hearing is likely to take three days. Three days?!!! How long does it take to say that crimes of rape and sexual assault committed by a police officer on duty is not in the job description of "Protecting the public and preventing crime?" In my probable naivety I would have thought that is the crux of this case. It seems to me that three days is a long time to argue out if Carruthers can or cannot have his full police pension (gained at public expense through legal aid) yet he quite obviously committed very serious crimes and didn't protect the public at times when he was employed as a senior police officer by Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary.
So is rape a pensionable occupation? We'll find out in a few months time.
June will reveal how this goes ....or will it?! I'm so cynical after my experience of years of the justice and court system and the antics of serial sex offender Adam Carruthers. I'm sure all of his victims will find it a difficult time when the case comes to court again. He won't care about that.
However, if he wins, I wonder if he'll mind if his many victims sue him? The ones who were denied justice especially have every right to do that and if he should win then he will obviously have an income at the very least - even if it's not actually in his pocket until his retirement date. A civil case does not require the same level of absolute proof that a criminal case does - it does not have to be beyond all reasonable doubt in the civil court.
Now there's an interesting scenario!
Many thanks to the journalists who were kind enough to get in touch and give me the date for the full hearing.
The date has been set as 18th June 2009, but one kind journalist has said that there is a chance it could happen the week before on the 11th June. The only way to find out is to log onto the Scottish Courts website and they only post up hearing 5 days beforehand. As 11th is a Thursday, it might only become public on the Monday before? That's the justice system for you. The rape trial in 2001 finally ran at it's fifth and last possible date before it became 'time barred.'
I'm not sure how civil cases work in the courts with regards to dates and if they are as unreliable on time as the criminal cases often are. I remember in 2001 being sickened at being all geared up to give evidence at the High Court only to hear that the trial had been postponed. Four postponements was not the way to treat victims of such serious crimes who all had psychological injuries as a result of the actions of Carruthers.
So come the full pension hearing I know there is a lot of support out there and there are many of you who have been in touch who wish to hold another quiet, dignified protest at the court in Dumfries when the hearing is on. This is possibly your date ....or do I mean dates?
The journalists tell me that the hearing is likely to take three days. Three days?!!! How long does it take to say that crimes of rape and sexual assault committed by a police officer on duty is not in the job description of "Protecting the public and preventing crime?" In my probable naivety I would have thought that is the crux of this case. It seems to me that three days is a long time to argue out if Carruthers can or cannot have his full police pension (gained at public expense through legal aid) yet he quite obviously committed very serious crimes and didn't protect the public at times when he was employed as a senior police officer by Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary.
So is rape a pensionable occupation? We'll find out in a few months time.
June will reveal how this goes ....or will it?! I'm so cynical after my experience of years of the justice and court system and the antics of serial sex offender Adam Carruthers. I'm sure all of his victims will find it a difficult time when the case comes to court again. He won't care about that.
However, if he wins, I wonder if he'll mind if his many victims sue him? The ones who were denied justice especially have every right to do that and if he should win then he will obviously have an income at the very least - even if it's not actually in his pocket until his retirement date. A civil case does not require the same level of absolute proof that a criminal case does - it does not have to be beyond all reasonable doubt in the civil court.
Now there's an interesting scenario!
Sunday, 8 February 2009
In one week - hope of positive change
Wow, what a week it’s been post court protest! I can’t get over how much we all achieved. Local and national coverage in many newspapers, on radio and on television quoting protesters, politicians and other interested parties. This is more than I had ever dreamed possible from the protest and letter sending. To all those who supported, or were there in spirit, many thanks once again. Give yourselves a huge round of applause and congratulate yourselves for making a difference to raising the profile of rights and for a fair deal for victims of crime.
As the week progressed it just got better.
I’ve had replies to just four of the emails I sent out to the MSP’s and none from the two MP's who may feel it's not in their remit. Michael Russell MSP, Dr Elaine Murray MSP and through the week to Christina McKelvie MSP deserve enormous pats on the back for their support and for understanding how crazy this situation is and mostly, for being proactive. Michael Russell sent me a copy of a letter he’s sent to Kenny MacAskill, the Justice Minister. It was short and straight talking and he didn’t hold back. It packed a real punch about this whole crazy affair of so much help given to convicted perpetrators who commit horrible crimes. Thanks to Michael Russell.
It’s interesting how from just one incensed survivor things get passed on and are taken up to hopefully engender change for those who will sadly follow. It feels like the trundling stone has started to hurtle down a steep hill this week. I hope this continues.
I also sent a copy of my missive that went to politicians to Rape Crisis Scotland. They asked if it was OK to circulate it to all their centres. I gave a very positive, ‘yes please!’ From that, the Lanarkshire Rape Crisis Centre, similarly incensed, picked up on it and made contact with Christina McKelvie, MSP. Thanks to Anne at Lanarkshire RCC and to Christina. The stone gathering even more pace resulted in Christina asking a question in the Scottish Parliament on Tuesday. She made specific reference to the Carruthers case. The result was a statement from the Justice Minister on Thursday 5th February. This is the press release:
NEWSDESKS
POLITICAL / JUSTICE CORRESPONDENTS
LEGAL AID CONCERN RAISED IN PARLIAMENT
MACASKILL TO RAISE RAPIST LEGAL AID CASE
Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill today confirmed he will raise the issue of legal aid being supplied to a policeman who has been convicted of rape with the Scottish Legal Aid Board.
Mr MacAskill made the commitment in answer to questions from SNP MSP Christina McKelvie after it was revealed that former Policeman Adam Carruthers who had part of his pension withdrawn by the police authority after being convicted of rape has received legal aid to pursue his case to have his pension restored.
Speaking after she questioned Mr MacAskill in the Scottish Parliament Central Scotland MSP Ms McKelvie said;
“I welcome the Cabinet Secretary’s commitment to raise this issue with the Legal Aid Board.
“I agree with the Justice Secretary that Legal Aid must primarily help the victim – not convicted perpetrators.
“Though there will always be issues around human rights legislation when it comes to legal aid this case has caused significant concerns and I hope the Legal Aid Board will consider whether the criteria they apply are the right ones.
“Legal Aid is a complicated issue and everyone is entitled to their defence – but it beggars belief that someone who has been convicted of rape whilst on duty as a policeman should receive legal aid to sue for their police pension.”ENDS
The last sentence is of particular significance in this case and from my position as just one of the Carruthers victims. The statement has received mass coverage in local and national media. I had contact from the press asking me how I felt about the statement. I find this, for a change, extremely empowering. If you are reading this as one affected by the heinous actions of Carruthers - I hope you do too. For me it has made the efforts of the last couple of weeks so worthwhile to endeavour to get a level playing field. It's made me think there is a possibility that victims might just get the same rights as perpetrators - the sooner the better.
What a difference a week makes!
As the week progressed it just got better.
I’ve had replies to just four of the emails I sent out to the MSP’s and none from the two MP's who may feel it's not in their remit. Michael Russell MSP, Dr Elaine Murray MSP and through the week to Christina McKelvie MSP deserve enormous pats on the back for their support and for understanding how crazy this situation is and mostly, for being proactive. Michael Russell sent me a copy of a letter he’s sent to Kenny MacAskill, the Justice Minister. It was short and straight talking and he didn’t hold back. It packed a real punch about this whole crazy affair of so much help given to convicted perpetrators who commit horrible crimes. Thanks to Michael Russell.
It’s interesting how from just one incensed survivor things get passed on and are taken up to hopefully engender change for those who will sadly follow. It feels like the trundling stone has started to hurtle down a steep hill this week. I hope this continues.
I also sent a copy of my missive that went to politicians to Rape Crisis Scotland. They asked if it was OK to circulate it to all their centres. I gave a very positive, ‘yes please!’ From that, the Lanarkshire Rape Crisis Centre, similarly incensed, picked up on it and made contact with Christina McKelvie, MSP. Thanks to Anne at Lanarkshire RCC and to Christina. The stone gathering even more pace resulted in Christina asking a question in the Scottish Parliament on Tuesday. She made specific reference to the Carruthers case. The result was a statement from the Justice Minister on Thursday 5th February. This is the press release:
NEWSDESKS
POLITICAL / JUSTICE CORRESPONDENTS
LEGAL AID CONCERN RAISED IN PARLIAMENT
MACASKILL TO RAISE RAPIST LEGAL AID CASE
Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill today confirmed he will raise the issue of legal aid being supplied to a policeman who has been convicted of rape with the Scottish Legal Aid Board.
Mr MacAskill made the commitment in answer to questions from SNP MSP Christina McKelvie after it was revealed that former Policeman Adam Carruthers who had part of his pension withdrawn by the police authority after being convicted of rape has received legal aid to pursue his case to have his pension restored.
Speaking after she questioned Mr MacAskill in the Scottish Parliament Central Scotland MSP Ms McKelvie said;
“I welcome the Cabinet Secretary’s commitment to raise this issue with the Legal Aid Board.
“I agree with the Justice Secretary that Legal Aid must primarily help the victim – not convicted perpetrators.
“Though there will always be issues around human rights legislation when it comes to legal aid this case has caused significant concerns and I hope the Legal Aid Board will consider whether the criteria they apply are the right ones.
“Legal Aid is a complicated issue and everyone is entitled to their defence – but it beggars belief that someone who has been convicted of rape whilst on duty as a policeman should receive legal aid to sue for their police pension.”ENDS
The last sentence is of particular significance in this case and from my position as just one of the Carruthers victims. The statement has received mass coverage in local and national media. I had contact from the press asking me how I felt about the statement. I find this, for a change, extremely empowering. If you are reading this as one affected by the heinous actions of Carruthers - I hope you do too. For me it has made the efforts of the last couple of weeks so worthwhile to endeavour to get a level playing field. It's made me think there is a possibility that victims might just get the same rights as perpetrators - the sooner the better.
What a difference a week makes!
Thursday, 29 January 2009
A time to stand up
Today was, in my eyes and in those people I spoke to who took part, extremely successful. With the fanstastic help and encouragement of friends and family I came home feeling that a lot has been achieved today. We have raised awareness, not just locally but nationally. It can only benefit others and we all hope lead to positive outcomes.
The abuse of public money (income tax and council tax for those of us in D&G) for the benefit of a serial rapist has been highlighted on BBC 'Good Morning Scotland,' BBC 'Reporting Scotland,' BBC Scotland 'Newsdrive,' a number of other news and TV bulletins and a large number of national and local papers. More local papers are published on friday, so there may be more in those.
Many thanks to all of you who took part and for the miles you put in to make it to the court, for the posters you made and for being willing to stand up and be counted for something that is so obviously a signal that perpetrators have more human rights than victims. I know you all willingly did it because you feel as passionately as I do about the issues involved. I think you will find that more people will be thinking how brave you all were today to show your faces and to want the changes that are so overdue.
There have been very positive comments from everybody I've spoken to about the protest and the coverage received. Dr Elaine Murray MSP did a superb piece on 'Good Morning Scotland' and Iraina, director of SW Rape Crisis Centre also appeared and spoke on the issues involved with me. Thanks to Elaine and especially to Iraina who works tirelessly on these issues.
I came home, very tired after two days of this, to find the very first negative comment left on this blog and it simply emphasised all the more why our joint action is necessary and why awareness of the issues involved in serious sexual assault and rape have to be raised. Anon I feel sorry for you. You are the only person ever to leave a comment to make me think should I hit publish or reject?
This is what the ANON said:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Pension for a serial rapist?":
let bygones be bygones, get on with your life. stop living in the past,and cashing in on it. take control, and stop the sympathy vote.
Anon, I think you simply show you live without empathy for your fellow man/woman. You obviously haven't worked out that these are the very sorts of crimes where the victims can't 'take control' (try chronic PTSD and you'll find out about nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues and the likes.) Such naive thinking from anon - I pity you and anybody you know who may become a victim of such crimes. have a look at the Rape Crisis Scotland website, the White Ribbon Campaign website or Amnesty International. They are very educational.
I think that I speak for all victims of rape and serious sexual assualt - no victim seeks the 'sympathy vote.' We didn't have a choice in what happened to us. That is exactly why rape and sexual assault are criminal offences.
Anon, I suggest that you become more acquainted with the effects of rape and sexual abuse cases, their ramifications in all areas of a victims life. Also find out about the fantastic work that the rape crisis centres do - like our local one, where they counselled 199 victims in last year in this relatively sparsely populated region on a small budget. When/if you manage that Anon - perhaps you could make a more informed judgement on issues that involve such brutal violence. Then perhaps you might be able to make a more valuable contribution to society and to social policy discussions and campaigns. I really hope you or anybody close to you never finds out first-hand about rape and sexual abuse ...remember it can and does happen to either sex, any age.
So to the good people who turned out today - this comment from anon is simply another reason why each one of us was there to highlight the abuse of tax payers money, the inequalities of the Carruthers case (and those similar to it) and why you don't just 'forget about it and let bygones be bygones.' We all fight for equal rights in what is hoped to be a world of equality in all areas of life. That is all that victims of rape want ....other than the obvious of there to be no perpetrators so it wouldn't happen in the first place or ever. Oh, for that ideal world with no violent crime and no inequalities in a proper justice system!
The abuse of public money (income tax and council tax for those of us in D&G) for the benefit of a serial rapist has been highlighted on BBC 'Good Morning Scotland,' BBC 'Reporting Scotland,' BBC Scotland 'Newsdrive,' a number of other news and TV bulletins and a large number of national and local papers. More local papers are published on friday, so there may be more in those.
Many thanks to all of you who took part and for the miles you put in to make it to the court, for the posters you made and for being willing to stand up and be counted for something that is so obviously a signal that perpetrators have more human rights than victims. I know you all willingly did it because you feel as passionately as I do about the issues involved. I think you will find that more people will be thinking how brave you all were today to show your faces and to want the changes that are so overdue.
There have been very positive comments from everybody I've spoken to about the protest and the coverage received. Dr Elaine Murray MSP did a superb piece on 'Good Morning Scotland' and Iraina, director of SW Rape Crisis Centre also appeared and spoke on the issues involved with me. Thanks to Elaine and especially to Iraina who works tirelessly on these issues.
I came home, very tired after two days of this, to find the very first negative comment left on this blog and it simply emphasised all the more why our joint action is necessary and why awareness of the issues involved in serious sexual assault and rape have to be raised. Anon I feel sorry for you. You are the only person ever to leave a comment to make me think should I hit publish or reject?
This is what the ANON said:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Pension for a serial rapist?":
let bygones be bygones, get on with your life. stop living in the past,and cashing in on it. take control, and stop the sympathy vote.
Anon, I think you simply show you live without empathy for your fellow man/woman. You obviously haven't worked out that these are the very sorts of crimes where the victims can't 'take control' (try chronic PTSD and you'll find out about nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues and the likes.) Such naive thinking from anon - I pity you and anybody you know who may become a victim of such crimes. have a look at the Rape Crisis Scotland website, the White Ribbon Campaign website or Amnesty International. They are very educational.
I think that I speak for all victims of rape and serious sexual assualt - no victim seeks the 'sympathy vote.' We didn't have a choice in what happened to us. That is exactly why rape and sexual assault are criminal offences.
Anon, I suggest that you become more acquainted with the effects of rape and sexual abuse cases, their ramifications in all areas of a victims life. Also find out about the fantastic work that the rape crisis centres do - like our local one, where they counselled 199 victims in last year in this relatively sparsely populated region on a small budget. When/if you manage that Anon - perhaps you could make a more informed judgement on issues that involve such brutal violence. Then perhaps you might be able to make a more valuable contribution to society and to social policy discussions and campaigns. I really hope you or anybody close to you never finds out first-hand about rape and sexual abuse ...remember it can and does happen to either sex, any age.
So to the good people who turned out today - this comment from anon is simply another reason why each one of us was there to highlight the abuse of tax payers money, the inequalities of the Carruthers case (and those similar to it) and why you don't just 'forget about it and let bygones be bygones.' We all fight for equal rights in what is hoped to be a world of equality in all areas of life. That is all that victims of rape want ....other than the obvious of there to be no perpetrators so it wouldn't happen in the first place or ever. Oh, for that ideal world with no violent crime and no inequalities in a proper justice system!
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
My council tax for a rapists pension? NO WAY
Crumbs. This is a really hard slog for me, but the brilliance of friends helping to get things on the go for the protest tomorrow morning at 10a.m is magical and so heartening. Special thanks to Eryl and Stevie, Carolyn, Cello, Liz, Iraina and Mo to name but a few.
This campaign isn't about me, just a woman who was brutally raped by ex-senior cop Carruthers in her own home one October afternoon. NO, this is far more than that dreadful afternoon and all the horrors of trying to get justice in court against a senior police officer.
This pension protest affects so many people:
council tax payers in Dumfries and Galloway
income tax payers
future victims of heinous crimes
the perpetrators who think they can 'milk the system' no matter what
Today I was interviewed by a lovely reporter, Helen Pearson, and filmed by a young chap called Ben for ITV Border News for their news programmes tomorrow. Ben did a lovely job of silhouetting me according to my carer - but I couldn't see how it looked as I had to sit tight whilst the whole thing was set up. I have to think of family, of friends and of course there is the safety issue. We filmed courtesy of the Rape Crisis centre in Dumfries. They then interviewed Iraina, the head of the centre and the woman who ten years ago quite literally saved my life.
Brilliant journalist and friend Marcello Mega has come up with some horrifying stats to show the inequalities between victims and perpetrators. To date, before Carruthers got legal aid for his pension, he has received £110,395 in legal aid for his trial and attempts at appeals. He automatically qualifies for £2,100 for 'slopping out' whilst in jail. He chose to go to jail as he chose to rape and abuse women during his career in the police.
So Marcello's comparative figures show that the South-West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre in Dumfries received less money than Carruthers has had to date in legal aid for keeping the service going last year. SWRC&SAC counselled 199 people last year. That is with the help and generosity of their trained and dedicated volunteers. They save lives. People are destroyed by rape and sexual assault. Rape crisis centres help victims to pick up the pieces, help with the head spinning that comes as us victims try to sort out why and what and blame and changes in behaviour as all victims have to come to terms with when confronted with such dreadful attacks.
So let me put this another way:
Carruthers, the perpetrator £111,395+£2,100 v.s.
SW rape crisis centre and 199 people helped on less money.I can see there is no way the two equate and now .....Carruthers is apparently allowed around £100,000 of legal aid to fight for a pension which would make rape a pensionable occupation. Can you see my blood boiling at this inequality?
What does it mean:
it won't help rape/sexual assault victims want to come forward
the pitiful 2.9% conviction rate for reported rapes won't increase
it doesn't give out a helpful message to perpetrators
Worst of all, the many Carruthers victims are helping him to fight this through their income and council tax so it's a double whammy.
as Eryl said on her blog - ENOUGH.
So tomorrow is another day,
one of protest,
a reporter and film crew for an interview for BBC TV's Reporting Scotland,
a radio interview for BBC Good Morning Scotland going out at around 8.15 a.m.
one where there won't be a decision on the pension after all,
but I hope more people will become aware at the inequalities between victims and perpetrators and find out how their taxes are being used.
ENOUGH - but more from me soon!
This campaign isn't about me, just a woman who was brutally raped by ex-senior cop Carruthers in her own home one October afternoon. NO, this is far more than that dreadful afternoon and all the horrors of trying to get justice in court against a senior police officer.
This pension protest affects so many people:
council tax payers in Dumfries and Galloway
income tax payers
future victims of heinous crimes
the perpetrators who think they can 'milk the system' no matter what
Today I was interviewed by a lovely reporter, Helen Pearson, and filmed by a young chap called Ben for ITV Border News for their news programmes tomorrow. Ben did a lovely job of silhouetting me according to my carer - but I couldn't see how it looked as I had to sit tight whilst the whole thing was set up. I have to think of family, of friends and of course there is the safety issue. We filmed courtesy of the Rape Crisis centre in Dumfries. They then interviewed Iraina, the head of the centre and the woman who ten years ago quite literally saved my life.
Brilliant journalist and friend Marcello Mega has come up with some horrifying stats to show the inequalities between victims and perpetrators. To date, before Carruthers got legal aid for his pension, he has received £110,395 in legal aid for his trial and attempts at appeals. He automatically qualifies for £2,100 for 'slopping out' whilst in jail. He chose to go to jail as he chose to rape and abuse women during his career in the police.
So Marcello's comparative figures show that the South-West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre in Dumfries received less money than Carruthers has had to date in legal aid for keeping the service going last year. SWRC&SAC counselled 199 people last year. That is with the help and generosity of their trained and dedicated volunteers. They save lives. People are destroyed by rape and sexual assault. Rape crisis centres help victims to pick up the pieces, help with the head spinning that comes as us victims try to sort out why and what and blame and changes in behaviour as all victims have to come to terms with when confronted with such dreadful attacks.
So let me put this another way:
Carruthers, the perpetrator £111,395+£2,100 v.s.
SW rape crisis centre and 199 people helped on less money.I can see there is no way the two equate and now .....Carruthers is apparently allowed around £100,000 of legal aid to fight for a pension which would make rape a pensionable occupation. Can you see my blood boiling at this inequality?
What does it mean:
it won't help rape/sexual assault victims want to come forward
the pitiful 2.9% conviction rate for reported rapes won't increase
it doesn't give out a helpful message to perpetrators
Worst of all, the many Carruthers victims are helping him to fight this through their income and council tax so it's a double whammy.
as Eryl said on her blog - ENOUGH.
So tomorrow is another day,
one of protest,
a reporter and film crew for an interview for BBC TV's Reporting Scotland,
a radio interview for BBC Good Morning Scotland going out at around 8.15 a.m.
one where there won't be a decision on the pension after all,
but I hope more people will become aware at the inequalities between victims and perpetrators and find out how their taxes are being used.
ENOUGH - but more from me soon!
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Pension for a serial rapist?
This is the week, on Thursday 29th, when the decision will be made in Dumfries Sheriff Court about Carruthers' pension fight. Will the Sheriff decide to give him his full pension? Will the Sheriff decide that he doesn't have a right to it as D&G Council did? Carruthers got up to 100,000K in legal aid to fight for it to alleviate his 'family hardship.' If the decision goes against him will he appeal? Highly likely on his past performance. I think many rapists like Carruthers live in complete denial about everything - be it rapes or pension rights.
I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.
Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.
I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.
The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.
So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.
What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?
I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.
Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.
After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.
I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.
Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.
I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.
The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.
So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.
What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?
I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.
Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.
After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Now is the time
For hoping that all my supporters, their families and friends have had a superb Yuletide/Christmas and will have a very Happy New Year.
Naturally there are other issues to cover but now is not the time to write about them.
From me for now, a very happy new year to all and here's hoping for a much fairer justice system and a better deal for any survivor of crime in 2009. I'll keep campaigning - I hope you will continue to campaign or support as you are able.
With best wishes, Jane
Naturally there are other issues to cover but now is not the time to write about them.
From me for now, a very happy new year to all and here's hoping for a much fairer justice system and a better deal for any survivor of crime in 2009. I'll keep campaigning - I hope you will continue to campaign or support as you are able.
With best wishes, Jane
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
At our expense
Firstly apologies for the lack of posts on the blog. Hitting a stane dyke and being in the shadow of a huge black dog pursuing my every move is one way of describing how I've been feeling. This is often a very hard time of year for me. Made harder this year by the release of Carruthers, by his latest legal bids and recently by my carer being stuck in by snow and then ice for 10 days. I didn't do much of a job of trying to look after myself properly. The lack of access to medics due to snow and ice and their ill health also hasn't helped me to cope. I am a proud person and I'm not good at asking for help. I was offered an appointment with a male doctor but I know I wouldn't cope with that without my carer and how could I even start to explain the scenario in my allotted time? The practice has just asked patients to make sure their allocated time slots don't run over to reduce the time others spend in the waiting room.
So much has happened in the last few weeks I hardly know where to start to update blog followers.
The latest Carruthers related court case, which started on 27th November, is for the reinstatement of his full pension rights; a battle in which serial rapist and sex offender Adam Carruthers has been granted up to £100,000 of legal aid. Aye, that's one heck of a lot of money - decent folks money. Carruthers is apparently citing 'family hardship' if he only gets a pension equivalent to the money he paid in. That is how it stands for him at present - around £6,000 a year or 35% of the norm for a non-offending officer of the rank he attained before dismissal from the force.
The result of this court case? Well there isn't one as yet. The next hearing of the case is scheduled for 29th January 2009, once again at Dumfries Sheriff Court ....more of which to come later on the subject, but for now:
1. D&G Council tax payers money is paying to defend this action.
2. Those who pay income tax are also funding yet another legal action by Carruthers by providing money for his costs through legal aid.
Why not you might say - that's the current system and he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. Sadly this is true - the perpetrators of heinous crimes can 'play the system' at will. I certainly don't feel this is fair to either his many victims or the people of D&G who were basically duped by a supposedly 'respectable senior police officer' spectacularly abusing his position to the detriment of many people.
This whole situation all seems quite incredible when so many offences were committed whilst this 'man' was on duty in the name of upholding the law for the citizens of D&G. A job the dedicated and hard working special constables did at that time for no financial reward, yet taking on all the same risks and responsibilities of full-time police officers.
I've had an interesting comment land in my mailbox from somebody who had read a previous post on this subject and his comment is this:
I must say I echo your sentiments............It seems extraordinary that he is actually being funded from the public purse to get the public to pay for his crimes.
Prison is an entirely voluntary institution and anyone going to prison has forfeited any human rights.........The only thing I would say is that his family might have a case for suing him for the loss of their rights..........However, since they have proven themselves to be ar*es of the highest order with a level of self deception that beggars belief........I wonder what the reaction might be if all his victims brought a civil action against him for compensation..........that would certainly negate any award he might get...........
You know..............There are times when it really does seem that the lunatics have taken over the asylum..........
Peter
These are the exact words received by this blog reader called Peter. I reckon he is probably a D&G resident and is most obviously extremely miffed at what is, for most of us, the abuse of public money, probably the abuse of his money too.
In the timing of the start of Carruthers' latest legal proceedings came a huge irony; the tenth anniversary of his suspension from duty as a police inspector. A day I will never forget. A day that lead me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life to escape his threatening phone call about what would happen to me if I spoke out. It was followed, not by my suicide as I had intended and which seemed like my only option, but by a string of coincidences. The result of those, being given shelter in a 'safe house' for many months and providing endless statements to a number of officials going over and over what happened to me at the hands of Carruthers. The result of the trial is history.
Well, that's enough for my first update after too long a break from the blog, but hopefully there will be more posts coming soon about burning issues and events that are of note.
So much has happened in the last few weeks I hardly know where to start to update blog followers.
The latest Carruthers related court case, which started on 27th November, is for the reinstatement of his full pension rights; a battle in which serial rapist and sex offender Adam Carruthers has been granted up to £100,000 of legal aid. Aye, that's one heck of a lot of money - decent folks money. Carruthers is apparently citing 'family hardship' if he only gets a pension equivalent to the money he paid in. That is how it stands for him at present - around £6,000 a year or 35% of the norm for a non-offending officer of the rank he attained before dismissal from the force.
The result of this court case? Well there isn't one as yet. The next hearing of the case is scheduled for 29th January 2009, once again at Dumfries Sheriff Court ....more of which to come later on the subject, but for now:
1. D&G Council tax payers money is paying to defend this action.
2. Those who pay income tax are also funding yet another legal action by Carruthers by providing money for his costs through legal aid.
Why not you might say - that's the current system and he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. Sadly this is true - the perpetrators of heinous crimes can 'play the system' at will. I certainly don't feel this is fair to either his many victims or the people of D&G who were basically duped by a supposedly 'respectable senior police officer' spectacularly abusing his position to the detriment of many people.
This whole situation all seems quite incredible when so many offences were committed whilst this 'man' was on duty in the name of upholding the law for the citizens of D&G. A job the dedicated and hard working special constables did at that time for no financial reward, yet taking on all the same risks and responsibilities of full-time police officers.
I've had an interesting comment land in my mailbox from somebody who had read a previous post on this subject and his comment is this:
I must say I echo your sentiments............It seems extraordinary that he is actually being funded from the public purse to get the public to pay for his crimes.
Prison is an entirely voluntary institution and anyone going to prison has forfeited any human rights.........The only thing I would say is that his family might have a case for suing him for the loss of their rights..........However, since they have proven themselves to be ar*es of the highest order with a level of self deception that beggars belief........I wonder what the reaction might be if all his victims brought a civil action against him for compensation..........that would certainly negate any award he might get...........
You know..............There are times when it really does seem that the lunatics have taken over the asylum..........
Peter
These are the exact words received by this blog reader called Peter. I reckon he is probably a D&G resident and is most obviously extremely miffed at what is, for most of us, the abuse of public money, probably the abuse of his money too.
In the timing of the start of Carruthers' latest legal proceedings came a huge irony; the tenth anniversary of his suspension from duty as a police inspector. A day I will never forget. A day that lead me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life to escape his threatening phone call about what would happen to me if I spoke out. It was followed, not by my suicide as I had intended and which seemed like my only option, but by a string of coincidences. The result of those, being given shelter in a 'safe house' for many months and providing endless statements to a number of officials going over and over what happened to me at the hands of Carruthers. The result of the trial is history.
Well, that's enough for my first update after too long a break from the blog, but hopefully there will be more posts coming soon about burning issues and events that are of note.
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
White Ribbon Campaign Day & Week
It's been a busy week and today it's White Ribbon Day which starts off a week or more of men pledging not to commit, condone or to remain silent about violence to women. It's a fantastic campaign and if you're not familiar with it, I urge you to have a look at my blog post on the 8th November and follow the link to the WRC website or the link in the right hand column under the red title header of campaigning.
I was really heartened to read the BBC South of Scotland online news and to see that Deputy Chief Constable George Graham of Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary is fully supporting the campaign and asking other men to do the same. The police attend many incidents of domestic violence and of course, there is their own ex-police inspector Adam Caruthers who was guilty of rapes and sexual assaults and many more victims were identified who suffered at the hands of Carruthers over a 20 year period. Is this another real step forward from the old 'male-dominated macho police culture' that was very evident and shocked me when I first joined the Special Constabulary? For me, I see WRC and the police's support for the campaign today as very positive and progressive. Well done to D&G Police.
What is especially interesting is that my blog was picked up on by some of the local papers last week and one newspaper group, the Dumfriesshire News Group, concentrated on my post about the White Ribbon Campaign and on my support for it. They published articles on the WRC and on the case of Adam Carruthers. Then the news of the D&G Constabulary support for WRC today. How the word spreads and all for the greater good. I hope this all makes men think about the actions of other men, or indeed to think about their own actions, even if that is about condoning or remainging silent about such dreadful behaviour that affects the lives of women.
I was proud to wear a white ribbon today, as I have done since it arrived in the post a couple of weeks ago. My carer also asked me for a white ribbon and she has been wearing it proudly and telling people what it's all about. This isn't about gender, but it is about violence and sadly the fact is that men are the main perpetrators of violence toward women.
A stark fact from WRC: violence against women causes more deaths and disability women in the 15 - 44 age group than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war. That shocked me - does it shock you?
As WRC say,
men can work to change behaviour that is both emotionally and physically violent to create a world that is based on gender equality."
Please show your support. Wear a white ribbon and support the campaign. Please donate to WRC if you can afford to - the money goes towards helping women's aid and rape crisis charities who deal with the aftermath of male violence against women.
I was really heartened to read the BBC South of Scotland online news and to see that Deputy Chief Constable George Graham of Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary is fully supporting the campaign and asking other men to do the same. The police attend many incidents of domestic violence and of course, there is their own ex-police inspector Adam Caruthers who was guilty of rapes and sexual assaults and many more victims were identified who suffered at the hands of Carruthers over a 20 year period. Is this another real step forward from the old 'male-dominated macho police culture' that was very evident and shocked me when I first joined the Special Constabulary? For me, I see WRC and the police's support for the campaign today as very positive and progressive. Well done to D&G Police.
What is especially interesting is that my blog was picked up on by some of the local papers last week and one newspaper group, the Dumfriesshire News Group, concentrated on my post about the White Ribbon Campaign and on my support for it. They published articles on the WRC and on the case of Adam Carruthers. Then the news of the D&G Constabulary support for WRC today. How the word spreads and all for the greater good. I hope this all makes men think about the actions of other men, or indeed to think about their own actions, even if that is about condoning or remainging silent about such dreadful behaviour that affects the lives of women.
I was proud to wear a white ribbon today, as I have done since it arrived in the post a couple of weeks ago. My carer also asked me for a white ribbon and she has been wearing it proudly and telling people what it's all about. This isn't about gender, but it is about violence and sadly the fact is that men are the main perpetrators of violence toward women.
A stark fact from WRC: violence against women causes more deaths and disability women in the 15 - 44 age group than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war. That shocked me - does it shock you?
As WRC say,
men can work to change behaviour that is both emotionally and physically violent to create a world that is based on gender equality."
Please show your support. Wear a white ribbon and support the campaign. Please donate to WRC if you can afford to - the money goes towards helping women's aid and rape crisis charities who deal with the aftermath of male violence against women.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Violence against women; a gender issue?
A letter from a regional organisation came through my letterbox today. On the back page was an advert. It was simply a red page with a picture of a white ribbon. I was intrigued. I looked closer, read the web address, Googled the words and have discovered that there is such an organisation called the White Ribbon Campaign.
http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/
What is the White Ribbon Campaign (WRC)?
The WRC is the largest effort in the world of men working to end men's violence against women.
How did the WRC get started?
In 1991, a handful of men in Canada decided they had a responsibility to urge men to speak out against violence against women. They decided that wearing a white ribbon would be a symbol of men's opposition to men's violence against women. After only six weeks preparation, as many as one hundred thousand men across Canada wore a white ribbon. Many others were drawn into discussion and debate on the issue of men's violence. There are now White Ribbon Campaigns operating in many countries around the world.
The UK Branch of WRC was started in 2004.
Wearing a white ribbon is a personal pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.
Each year, WRC urge men and boys to wear a ribbon for one or two weeks, starting on November 25, the International Day for the Eradication of Violence Against Women
WRC is an educational organization to encourage reflection and discussion that leads to personal and collective action among men.
Throughout the year, WRC encourage men
to do educational work in schools, workplaces and communities,
to support local women's groups,
to raise money for the international educational efforts of the WRC.
WRC distribute Education and Action kits to schools, maintain a website. WRC speak out on issues of public policy.
So how appropriate to my own feelings about violence (against either gender) when you have a look at the WRC website. There have been many men who at the time were and I discover still more men who find the criminal activities of men like Adam Carruthers against so many women utterly appalling. They have been in touch through my blog or via email. Many have said that they are ashamed to be a man, yet they are not the violent ones.
There were men who stood back and didn't act when they had strong suspicions of the dreadful actions that Carruthers was involved in. His friends and some of his colleagues. There was one courageous policeman, backed by his supervisor, who went against the culture of the force at that time and he spoke out to senior officers. These men were the brave ones, the ones I will always have the greatest respect for as, especially at that time, they risked so much in what was the pursuit of justice and they stood by the raison d'etre of all police officers. They didn't want evil to succeed by remaining silent, by standing back and doing nothing.
The judicial process that I went through was dominated by men and, as a rape victim, I found that was incredibly hard for me to cope with. Perhaps more so as the rapist who attacked me was a man in a position of trust, one who abused his power. The WRC has shown me that men have come together in a spirit of concerted effort and hope to educate and to reduce and preferably end violence against women. Well done to the White Ribbon Campaign.
The WRC week is from the 25th November. I hope that lots of people support their efforts; and I don't care of which gender as violence might be predominantly generated by men, but violence is violence and I abhor it. Let us never forget that men can also be violated by women and that's not a gender issue, it's a criminal act just the same as a man's violence towards a woman is. So a gender issue or not?
Will you discuss the activities and aims of the WRC with your friends? See what they think, gauge their opinions? Will you join the volunteers of the WRC and show your support? What about wearing a white ribbon as a committed and caring member of our society who is against violence against either gender, especially against women?
http://www.whiteribboncampaign.co.uk/
What is the White Ribbon Campaign (WRC)?
The WRC is the largest effort in the world of men working to end men's violence against women.
How did the WRC get started?
In 1991, a handful of men in Canada decided they had a responsibility to urge men to speak out against violence against women. They decided that wearing a white ribbon would be a symbol of men's opposition to men's violence against women. After only six weeks preparation, as many as one hundred thousand men across Canada wore a white ribbon. Many others were drawn into discussion and debate on the issue of men's violence. There are now White Ribbon Campaigns operating in many countries around the world.
The UK Branch of WRC was started in 2004.
Wearing a white ribbon is a personal pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women.
Each year, WRC urge men and boys to wear a ribbon for one or two weeks, starting on November 25, the International Day for the Eradication of Violence Against Women
WRC is an educational organization to encourage reflection and discussion that leads to personal and collective action among men.
Throughout the year, WRC encourage men
to do educational work in schools, workplaces and communities,
to support local women's groups,
to raise money for the international educational efforts of the WRC.
WRC distribute Education and Action kits to schools, maintain a website. WRC speak out on issues of public policy.
So how appropriate to my own feelings about violence (against either gender) when you have a look at the WRC website. There have been many men who at the time were and I discover still more men who find the criminal activities of men like Adam Carruthers against so many women utterly appalling. They have been in touch through my blog or via email. Many have said that they are ashamed to be a man, yet they are not the violent ones.
There were men who stood back and didn't act when they had strong suspicions of the dreadful actions that Carruthers was involved in. His friends and some of his colleagues. There was one courageous policeman, backed by his supervisor, who went against the culture of the force at that time and he spoke out to senior officers. These men were the brave ones, the ones I will always have the greatest respect for as, especially at that time, they risked so much in what was the pursuit of justice and they stood by the raison d'etre of all police officers. They didn't want evil to succeed by remaining silent, by standing back and doing nothing.
The judicial process that I went through was dominated by men and, as a rape victim, I found that was incredibly hard for me to cope with. Perhaps more so as the rapist who attacked me was a man in a position of trust, one who abused his power. The WRC has shown me that men have come together in a spirit of concerted effort and hope to educate and to reduce and preferably end violence against women. Well done to the White Ribbon Campaign.
The WRC week is from the 25th November. I hope that lots of people support their efforts; and I don't care of which gender as violence might be predominantly generated by men, but violence is violence and I abhor it. Let us never forget that men can also be violated by women and that's not a gender issue, it's a criminal act just the same as a man's violence towards a woman is. So a gender issue or not?
Will you discuss the activities and aims of the WRC with your friends? See what they think, gauge their opinions? Will you join the volunteers of the WRC and show your support? What about wearing a white ribbon as a committed and caring member of our society who is against violence against either gender, especially against women?
Monday, 27 October 2008
The time of year
I'd got loads of things lined up in my mind to follow up on the blog since my last entry and none of them have sprung into reality. It's just like me. No action. Feel ....well actually I feel very little. Sometimes I feel nothing bar an emptiness and a heavy head.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.
Monday, 22 September 2008
Little sleep and rays of sunshine
It’s been a crazy few days. I seem to rush around, achieve little, and then fall flat, absolutely drained of energy. My sleep ….. seems it isn’t happening for me despite feeling shattered most of the time. On the odd occasion I do sleep then the nightmares kick in or the Serco alarm makes the phone give one ring, as it does through the day, and that's it ....game over.
I saw one of the medics I’ve been seeing for over 10 years today. I mentioned I was doing this blog to try and get things changed for those who will sadly come in the future. To my absolute horror he revealed to me that there’d been another patient in the clinic with an identical story to the one I’d revealed. No panic, there's no breach of confidentiality here, just a statement of fact – a sad fact. I don’t know if this is the woman who left a comment on my blog or not. I have the feeling that when Lothian and Borders Police traced 38 Carruthers victims, there were always bound to many more.
How can 7 years and 4 months be enough for these crimes? The licence conditions will last for another 3 years and 8 months and then? …… if not before then? Will it really take another woman to be seriously hurt, damaged physically and mentally for life, before a more sensible approach is adopted with serial sex offenders like Carruthers?
One major ray of brightness has been that my blog has been picked up by a very special friend. Eryl, a super writer, who has her own blogs running, has been incensed not just as one of my friends, but because she also cares about the issues involved. I worry, as always, that she wasn't aware of the full story, but the article in the paper is now online and that must have been an eye opener for any decent person to read. I know how I'd feel if I read such a thing had happened to one of my pals. Eryl has said something about the Jane Dearie blog on her own blog in a post she's called, "Kicking against the pricks." I’ve already had responses as more people are aware of Eryl’s blog than my new one. To a person, they feel like we do. One more was a victim of serious sexual assault. If we can’t stop these dreadful crimes from happening (which realistically we can’t) then perhaps we can try to persuade the people who make the decisions appreciate the effects on the victims, their families and friends ....and that changes are in sore need of being set in motion.
Eryl has a superb blog at http://thekitchenbitchponders.blogspot.com/ and from that you can read some of the responses her readers have made to my situation and my own very baby blog. I think I’ll be asking for tips as well - just to find out how to do more with my blog as she has obviously got blogging far more sussed than I have!
I saw one of the medics I’ve been seeing for over 10 years today. I mentioned I was doing this blog to try and get things changed for those who will sadly come in the future. To my absolute horror he revealed to me that there’d been another patient in the clinic with an identical story to the one I’d revealed. No panic, there's no breach of confidentiality here, just a statement of fact – a sad fact. I don’t know if this is the woman who left a comment on my blog or not. I have the feeling that when Lothian and Borders Police traced 38 Carruthers victims, there were always bound to many more.
How can 7 years and 4 months be enough for these crimes? The licence conditions will last for another 3 years and 8 months and then? …… if not before then? Will it really take another woman to be seriously hurt, damaged physically and mentally for life, before a more sensible approach is adopted with serial sex offenders like Carruthers?
One major ray of brightness has been that my blog has been picked up by a very special friend. Eryl, a super writer, who has her own blogs running, has been incensed not just as one of my friends, but because she also cares about the issues involved. I worry, as always, that she wasn't aware of the full story, but the article in the paper is now online and that must have been an eye opener for any decent person to read. I know how I'd feel if I read such a thing had happened to one of my pals. Eryl has said something about the Jane Dearie blog on her own blog in a post she's called, "Kicking against the pricks." I’ve already had responses as more people are aware of Eryl’s blog than my new one. To a person, they feel like we do. One more was a victim of serious sexual assault. If we can’t stop these dreadful crimes from happening (which realistically we can’t) then perhaps we can try to persuade the people who make the decisions appreciate the effects on the victims, their families and friends ....and that changes are in sore need of being set in motion.
Eryl has a superb blog at http://thekitchenbitchponders.blogspot.com/ and from that you can read some of the responses her readers have made to my situation and my own very baby blog. I think I’ll be asking for tips as well - just to find out how to do more with my blog as she has obviously got blogging far more sussed than I have!
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
Valued support
I've had quite a few emails since the Sunday papers were published and they are really supportive. I can see how many decent people think the legislation needs to be changed for serial sex offenders ....not to mention the attitude towards the victims of serious crimes.
This is one from an L&B officer who was involved with looking after me as liaison officer during the investigation. We've kept in touch ever since the trial ended and her job with me finished and it meant the world to me to get it this morning.
"I have just about recovered from choking on my toast on Sunday morning, with the Sunday Mail and Mail on Sunday almost falling off the table. “I know that face!!!!”
Good on you, Kiddo
Power in your hand for a change.
So proud of you. Massive step for you but I think a good and right one."
This is one from an L&B officer who was involved with looking after me as liaison officer during the investigation. We've kept in touch ever since the trial ended and her job with me finished and it meant the world to me to get it this morning.
"I have just about recovered from choking on my toast on Sunday morning, with the Sunday Mail and Mail on Sunday almost falling off the table. “I know that face!!!!”
Good on you, Kiddo
Power in your hand for a change.
So proud of you. Massive step for you but I think a good and right one."
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