Solidarity

Apologies for no posts on the blog for a while. We've had a very significant birthday to celebrate in the family. I hope we will continue to do so at various times during the rest of the year. That takes priority when it's somebody who is so special.
More recently I've had a bad whack of asthma and am coping with that annoying problem. Two rounds of 'stair rods,' steroids in normal speak, and I'm still fighting the wheezes in spite of all that's being thrown at my lungs. Inhalers and nebuliser are all in full flow - more than my lungs are!

Thanks to Dr Elaine Murray MSP for the motion in the Scottish Parliament on the issue of pensions for convicted offenders, pursued at public expense, who committed offences through their work. I hope this will lead to something positive and change in the future. I know this is a long haul and nothing will happen overnight, but the issue of legal aid for a convicted rapist to fight for a pension when he raped whilst on duty is something that must be followed up until a sensible solution is found. I still can't believe that is has been at the expense of the public purse.

A very firm positive hand of solidarity to Ann Robertson ,43, who was a witness in the recent Grangemouth rape case, held at the High Court, Edinburgh, with two other victims of sexual assault. Ann, a particularly unfortunate rape witness in this court case was ordered to be held in custody overnight by Judge Roger Craik. Why? She broke down in the witness box whilst giving evidence and was so upset she tried to leave. Judge Craik thought this was sufficient reason to lock her up for contempt of court. Ultimately Ann's attacker was found guilty of abusing two other girls at this trial but Ann's rape case was dropped as a result of the trauma she suffered in court giving evidence.

I found that giving evidence at a rape trial was an extremely harrowing experience. I still can't decide if it was worse than the event itself or on a par with it. Talking over horrific details of a very intimate personal assault in front of a lot of strangers is not something that any normal person could be happy with. It is horribly difficult. Like many victims of rape, there are those of us who suffer from varying degrees of PTSD as a result of the offence(s.) Reliving the experience is extremely traumatic and it flipped my PTSD symptoms to extremes before, during and after the trial. I didn't do well in court, I felt a wreck, I had to be excused by the judge at times and drank gallons of water and it seemed like I cried equal amounts in tears and used masses of paper hankies.

Ann, if you read this blog, I really feel for you. It's beyond belief for you to have been treated in this way. Very well done for managing to speak out about the horrific and, I feel, utterly inhuman treatment that you received. You are stronger than you might think and I take my hat off to you for speaking out and for asking for changes as a result of what Judge Craik did to you. In my mind Judge Craik has put the work of rape crisis centres and victim support workers back many years. The statistics comparing reported rapes to convictions is dire enough as it is. Judge Craik has undoubtedly made it a more difficult decision for any future victim to feel able to come forward and to hope to be treated reasonably and with respect.

As for the ongoing disgraced ex-cop Carruthers pension claim against Dumfries and Galloway Council - there was a third preliminary hearing at Dumfries Sheriff Court last Thursday. I do not have an outcome for this latest hearing. I phoned the court to find out and was told that the information could not be released to me. That said, the following night on Lookaround the presenters said a date had been set for the full hearing but they didn't say what it was. So I don't have that date as yet. As we know, victims and council tax payers who are helping to defend this deplorable action taken by serial sex offender Carruthers are being treated badly yet again. People don't seem to count. Heaven forbid he wins, we will have to pay again through our council tax. Double whammy.

Anybody who does have a date for the full hearing, do please leave a comment on the blog and I'll chase it up and then let you all know what the supporters wishing to see a fair deal plan to do next to highlight this atrocious claim funded by public money through Legal Aid.

A time to stand up

Today was, in my eyes and in those people I spoke to who took part, extremely successful. With the fanstastic help and encouragement of friends and family I came home feeling that a lot has been achieved today. We have raised awareness, not just locally but nationally. It can only benefit others and we all hope lead to positive outcomes.

The abuse of public money (income tax and council tax for those of us in D&G) for the benefit of a serial rapist has been highlighted on BBC 'Good Morning Scotland,' BBC 'Reporting Scotland,' BBC Scotland 'Newsdrive,' a number of other news and TV bulletins and a large number of national and local papers. More local papers are published on friday, so there may be more in those.

Many thanks to all of you who took part and for the miles you put in to make it to the court, for the posters you made and for being willing to stand up and be counted for something that is so obviously a signal that perpetrators have more human rights than victims. I know you all willingly did it because you feel as passionately as I do about the issues involved. I think you will find that more people will be thinking how brave you all were today to show your faces and to want the changes that are so overdue.

There have been very positive comments from everybody I've spoken to about the protest and the coverage received. Dr Elaine Murray MSP did a superb piece on 'Good Morning Scotland' and Iraina, director of SW Rape Crisis Centre also appeared and spoke on the issues involved with me. Thanks to Elaine and especially to Iraina who works tirelessly on these issues.

I came home, very tired after two days of this, to find the very first negative comment left on this blog and it simply emphasised all the more why our joint action is necessary and why awareness of the issues involved in serious sexual assault and rape have to be raised. Anon I feel sorry for you. You are the only person ever to leave a comment to make me think should I hit publish or reject?
This is what the ANON said:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Pension for a serial rapist?":
let bygones be bygones, get on with your life. stop living in the past,and cashing in on it. take control, and stop the sympathy vote.
Anon, I think you simply show you live without empathy for your fellow man/woman. You obviously haven't worked out that these are the very sorts of crimes where the victims can't 'take control' (try chronic PTSD and you'll find out about nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues and the likes.) Such naive thinking from anon - I pity you and anybody you know who may become a victim of such crimes. have a look at the Rape Crisis Scotland website, the White Ribbon Campaign website or Amnesty International. They are very educational.

I think that I speak for all victims of rape and serious sexual assualt - no victim seeks the 'sympathy vote.' We didn't have a choice in what happened to us. That is exactly why rape and sexual assault are criminal offences.
Anon, I suggest that you become more acquainted with the effects of rape and sexual abuse cases, their ramifications in all areas of a victims life. Also find out about the fantastic work that the rape crisis centres do - like our local one, where they counselled 199 victims in last year in this relatively sparsely populated region on a small budget. When/if you manage that Anon - perhaps you could make a more informed judgement on issues that involve such brutal violence. Then perhaps you might be able to make a more valuable contribution to society and to social policy discussions and campaigns. I really hope you or anybody close to you never finds out first-hand about rape and sexual abuse ...remember it can and does happen to either sex, any age.

So to the good people who turned out today - this comment from anon is simply another reason why each one of us was there to highlight the abuse of tax payers money, the inequalities of the Carruthers case (and those similar to it) and why you don't just 'forget about it and let bygones be bygones.' We all fight for equal rights in what is hoped to be a world of equality in all areas of life. That is all that victims of rape want ....other than the obvious of there to be no perpetrators so it wouldn't happen in the first place or ever. Oh, for that ideal world with no violent crime and no inequalities in a proper justice system!

Magazine article

As it came towards the automatic early release of Carruthers from jail, I was asked if I'd do a couple of newspaper articles and an article for a magazine. I'm afraid to say I'd not heard of 'Pick Me Up' before. I really don't get out much these days! The magazine with the article on my dreadful encounter with Adam Carruthers was published this last Thursday (16th October), in Issue 42. My carer got me a copy of it on Friday but I simply can't bring myself to read it through. I know it tells the awful tale and the headline on the front is "tortured and raped by my boss." Sadly what it doesn't say on the front cover is that he was a cop on duty and in uniform when it happened.

The interview was done over the phone after an earlier interview I did with friend and trusted journalist Marcello Mega. After consulting my family, I made the difficult decision to give up my image but not my full identity and anonyimty. He had stories in the Sunday Mail and the Mail on Sunday a couple of days after the release of Carruthers. The interview was really hard to do. A woman I'd never spoken to before, I couldn't see her face, she couldn't see mine - thankfully. She read it all back to me. It nearly creased me; the tears ran down my face as she was reading it back and I found I went into a downward spiral for days afterwards.

So why do it? Why put myself through this? The reason is that it will make people think about rape, the after-effects and the issues - or so I hope. The publication of the PMU article wonderfully coincides with the Rape Crisis Scotland campaign, "this is not an invitation to rape me," which was launched this very same week. They now have a live website at www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk and I would urge you to look at it. It challenges the myths that women are somehow asking to be raped for reasons of dress, drink, intimacy, relationships. One day, heaven forbid, you might be a juror in a rape trial - how would you react to these questions that the defence will throw at you about the victim?
There are other less important reasons for doing this article, less important than the reason I'm campaigning for changes in the way victims are treated, but ones that people might like to think about. It will go some way to pay for the extra security - new doors, new windows with multiple locking points and the CCTV that has had to put around my house to fulfill the police security survey on the property. This has run into many thousands of pounds. It of course nowhere near meets these bills, but for my mother it is of paramount importance to her that I am as safe as possible and so the work has had to be done. The poor woman has gone through hell and still does with everything that has happened to me. As she approaches 80, it's not what I want for her, or for any decent person. She's a very generous and kindly soul and I'm not saying that because she's my Mum, but she is very special. Others who read this blog and know her will I'm sure agree whole heartedly. I hate the ripple effect of crime. Sadly there has been nothing I can do about it to protect the people I really love and care about.

There is a weird juxtaposition of headlines on the front cover of the magazine. Some that highlight what turns a woman on, having a monster mouth, a wife swap, the shape of a bloke's penis and then ......the article about Carruthers heinous actions. Somehow it seems strange to me, but the magazine caters for their readership and they obviously like the good, bad and the simply weird stories.

Will this article do any good for the campaigning of how rape victims are treated? Will it raise the abysmal 2.9% conviction rate of rape cases that go to court in Scotland? Marcello has told me that the article been taken up by Jeremy Kyle in the "Jeremy's Judgement" section of the magazine, so perhaps that shows the relevance of the issues involved. There is apparently also comment from a psychologist about the deviant behaviour of Carruthers .....so who knows the outcome and the impact. It's like any campaign, you put in everything you're mentally and physically able to in order to raise awareness and, for me, I just hope that there will be benefits for those who will sadly follow in the future. Rape destroys lives.

Good tax payers money - some of this yours?

It's hard, if not incredible to believe that the Legal Aid Board for Scotland have granted serial sex offender Adam Carruthers yet more money, up to £100,000, to fight his way through yet another legal process to endeavour to regain the whole of his police pension from Dumfries and Galloway Council (his ex-employers) who sacked him after the court case and misconduct inquiries which found him guilty of serious crimes and dereliction of duty on numerous occasions. The Council reduced his right to a full pension and have only granted Carruthers the right to have a pension which equates to the money he paid actually into it. This will give him around £6,000 a year. The Council can not take this money from him as he paid it in to his pension fund.

So let's give just a wee bit of thought to this latest decision.
1. In the lenghty Lothian and Borders Police inquiry Carruthers was found to have stalked, attacked, raped 38 women - to my knowledge he carried out all of these incidents whilst on duty.
2. I was attacked in my own home at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when Carruthers was on duty, in uniform and he arrived at my house in a marked police vehicle. Ironically my own council tax helped to fund his attack against me.
3. The court heard that Ms X was repeatedly raped by Carruthers and, like myself and several of his victims, she also attempted suicide. It has now been reported that two of his victims did sucessfully commit suicide.
4. The day Ms X came home it was Carruthers who told her husband to take their young son out of the house so that he could speak to Ms X and take her statement. He then RAPED her again in what must have been the most horrendous ordeal at a time when she was at her most vulnerable. An ordeal that must be very hard for her husband and their now grown up son to come to terms with.
5. Another victim was stalked whilst she lived in Langholm and this happened whilst Carruthers was on duty. Her case was featured in the BBC Frontline Scotland programme.
6. Carruthers offending behaviour is known to have taken place over a 20 year period - 20 years when he was not doing his duty as a police officer in protecting the public and endeavouring to reduce or stop crime in his local patch. Earlier in his career, as a constable, he was censured for sexual misconduct and yet incredibly he still rose to the rank of police inspector before he was finally suspended from duty and subsequently imprisoned and became renowned as one of Scotland's most prolific sex offenders.

These are just a few points that this incredulous decision of giving a convicted serial rapist even more tax payers money raises.

Who really pays for Carruthers' action against D&G Council as his previous employer?
1. The tax payer in Legal Aid fees. That is you if you pay income tax. His legal aid bill already tops £110,000 - a phenomenal amount of money that some of your income tax has been used for.
2. The Council tax payers of Dumfries and Galloway, an area where many of his victims still reside, will pay through their local council tax in fighting the action and, heaven forbid Carruthers wins his case, they then have to pay more of their council tax money towards his pension which one can certainly argue he doesn't deserve.
3. Yet more trauma is added to his many victims by yet more actions of this man who so abused his power as a policeman one questions how could he even be considered to be worthy of his full pension after what he did to so many women?
4. How can a man who quite obviously did not uphold his police oath or do his duty in serving the local community be worthy of a full pension?

So let's think why Carruthers is taking this legal action.
1. He appears to have absolutely nothing to lose as under current legislation he is legitimately using tax payers money to fight his case. It isn't costing him anything. That is the system we have and we haven't tried to change .....yet.
2. Despite being a convicted sex offender who has lost his appeals against convictions of rape and indecent assaults, the legal system works in his favour and is actually aiding his continued legal actions on any front he appears to see fit.
3. He has everything to gain if he were to win his case and regain his right to a full police pension which would give him a pension of around £17,000 per annum.

What about the victims? This gives a different perspective.
The Criminal Injuries tariff for being raped at the time Carruthers was found guilty was £7,500. If a victim put in a claim for more than one serious injury, as I did, which included permanent psychological damage which requires prolonged pscyhiatric treatment (for post traumatic stress disorder and depression), then the tariff for the rape was reduced to only 10% of that £7,500 ....yes that was a mere £750 compensation for being raped in my own home mid afternoon by a police sergeant on duty paid for by our council tax. The mental scars still remain and that tariff for psychological damage was £20,000 at that time. I remain on 23 prescribed medicines a day, as I have done for many, many years I still have to see health professionals on a frequent basis for the effects of the physical and mental injuries of his attack.

When you put all this in perspective it's not hard for any reasonable person to realise that the income tax and council tax payers are losers and the victims are also the losers physically, mentally and financially. Sadly the memories of these crimes do not fade with time ....you just have to try to learn how to deal with them day by day ...or as was sadly the case with some of Carruthers victims, give up in despair, take your own life rather than try to live with the memories of his actions and also not be believed by his fellow police officers to whom you reported.

As you have read this blog entry I really hope these points raise some searching questions in your minds.
Why is this happening and have we, as a society accepted this system as is? Huge sums of money are paid to serial sex ofenders who have served minimal time in prison and now have everything to gain in financial terms by taking out such actions.
Why do decent people let it happen? May be they don't realise?
Do decent people know the system we have in this country is firmly biased towards the perpetrators?
Why isn't this level of (legal aid) money instead spent on the important (often voluntary) agencies who have to pick up the many pieces and the debris from the shattered lives of the many victims of such heinous crimes? My local rape crisis centre quite literally saved my life yet they work on a shoe string budget and struggle to provide a region-wide service which I, like other survivors know really does save lives.

These are all points that I am raising with MSP's, victims groups and other agencies. Will you raise them too?
I don't want to pay a penny more in council tax to a serial sex offender like Adam Carruthers who has been responsible for the deaths of women and for mulitple traumas to women when it was his paid duty to care and protect them. As a special constable I happily worked many hours each week as a volunteer. In executing my duties I took all the same responsibilties and risks as any paid police officer does. This is not something that I regret. I only regret that I ever met Adam Carruthers and I regret to have discovered that many decent citizens are badly let down by the social and justice systems in our country.

It wouldn't be easy, but if asked, I will stand up in the court yet again and give evidence as to how my council tax was used to pay for a police officer in the employment of D&G Council to abuse, degrade and rape me. I would do this because I believe it is the right thing to do. Serial sex offenders, like any other offender, should not benefit or profit from their crimes. Carruthers made a decision every time he atacked a women and he alone is responsible for all that entails ....including losing his right to a full pension.

"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."