Tomorrow morning there is a radio programme on at 9 a.m. on Radio Scotland. This is the focus:
09:00–10:00 Morning Extra on BBC Radio Scotland
07/09/2009
Eamonn O'Neill asks why Scotland has so few successful rape prosecutions.
I was asked to take part in this programme a few weeks ago and we recorded at the Rape Crisis Centre in Dumfries a couple of weeks ago. It was a hard interview to do. One of the hardest I've done for a while. Eamonn, being an investigative journalist, asked some very intensive questions. After two hours I came out exhausted and was re-shaken and stirred by many horrible memories. I think it was hard for the producer too, who was superb as she recorded the conversation between Eamonn and myself.
So why do this? I do these things to try and bring the problem of the abysmally low rape conviction rate to the attention of the wider public. Along with the other people who have been interviewed for this programme I hope it can only do good. The current rate for rape prosecutions is around 2.9% in Scotland. I feel that unless people like myself, who have been through the system of criminal investigations and court, speak up then things will never change for the better and the conviction rates are likely to remain horribly low. That means more victims are left without any sense of justice and that more rapists go free. That is they go free to potentially rape again.
I don't know how the format will pan out on the programme tomorrow, but I will be listening to find out what happens and how listeners respond.
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape. Show all posts
Sunday, 6 September 2009
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Pre-conceived ideas aren't good ideas
Sometimes there are those weird pieces of synchronicity, if you believe such a thing exists. An email came through last week about a visiting writer .....and yes, it really was time I got out of the house, faced the outside world and did something for me. Yesterday I went to a talk with my long-suffering, but thankfully, interested in literature carer. It was given by Scottish writer Ewan Morrison. I’d read about his books and to be honest I thought, this really isn’t going to be my thing. Not sex and relationships and as for the idea of his novel 'Swung.' No I thought, this is not for me, but then I'd not read either of his books. However, I’ve found that listening to writers speak about their process is fascinating, gems can come out of these encounters and Ewan was to hold a master class afterwards and my name was down for it.
I’m eager to learn more about writing. I started to write because I needed to. It was my only way of expressing my hurt; my outrage; the bottling up that was waiting to burst; the things I couldn’t say to people; the time after my fluency had left me and my stuttering was really bad and words went AWOL when I tried to engage in conversation, which to be honest was as little as possible.
My writing from that period is not aired and I have it filed away. The only exception being some poetry from that early venture I made into writing which was taken by the police as evidence for the trial against Carruthers. The officers said it was so strong and that it gave compelling evidence that something drastic had gone wrong in my life and that it was caused by a man and heavily indicated what the event was. Drastic it was and yes, life had gone very wrong, that bast..d had raped me and he was a senior policeman. My beliefs and ideas on trust had been blasted into oblivion in around half an hour of sheer hell. Then there was the head injury and my life took a further nose dive.
We arrived early. I got pick of the chairs and we went into a corner at the back where I felt safest. Ewan Morrison wasn’t what I was expecting. Pre-conceived ideas? No Jane, you should have learnt by now that you don’t have pre-conceived ideas; you take things and take people as you find them. If people I meet seem open, honest, kind, up-front that’s great. If they’re any of the negative things then time to buzz off. The man was a delightful character, showed a warm personality in front of his audience.
Ewan’s reading was superb. Not all sex, rampant hormones, and, after hearing his 15 minute extract, certainly not what I thought it would be. He explored an amazing array of issues from one small part of his novel “Distance.” His reading voice was good; it was clear, intonation great. There was a chance at the end for a Q&A session before the master class.
I had a question. I tried to keep it in my head, not be side tracked by other questions and Ewan’s answers. My short-term memory can be such a pain. I managed to pluck up the courage to ask about his process and just got in with the final question. Fascinating answer about the way he doesn’t want to overly analyse his work or else he thinks he’ll be scuppered (at that point I glanced at a university lecturer who is a specialist in critical writing analysis.) Ewan spoke about his way of exploring ideas and working in beginnings, middles and ends right though his work until it builds up into a composite volume.
The master class followed a short coffee break. Great to have this chance in one way I thought as I do need to improve my writing (even if only for the sake of campaigning), but I always get really nervous about this sort of thing. It can be a real exposure of your inner self and although I knew all bar one of the participants there is that inner fear lurking inside me. Ewan discussed beginnings; we looked at some examples of how writers have started novels, he spoke of the three W’s and ‘Chekov’s window.’ Fascinating stuff. Then the exercise, except it didn’t happen. He set us the exercise to be emailed to him, if we wanted to do it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d do it and the issue of ‘want to’ didn’t come into it. With no time to do the exercise Ewan planned for it was on to the ‘book game.’ I suddenly remembered that I’d played this fun and intriguing game years ago in a wee bothy on Mull when the rain hit the windows hard and horizontally one evening. I got home enthused by the mixture of ideas whizzing round in my head. The tape I had from the master class was helpful to listen to bits of. I’ve downloaded it and will play it again when there’s more time.
I looked up more about Ewan on the net at http://ewanmorrison.com/ and it seems there is a lot more to him than the subjects of his novels suggest. For goodness sake, why shouldn’t there be? I found an article he’d written for The Guardian on stuttering. He wrote about how trauma can start it off and how the discussion rages on about the “why of stuttering.” Ewan was a stutterer, so was his father. The extract he’d read to us, a father shouting to his stammering boy on Arthur’s Seat. It all made sense. That’s how Ewan knew so much about stuttering. He’d been through it. The agonies of not being able to say what you want to say, of feeling the word forming, hearing the word in your mind, but the word won’t come out. Crumbs, how did he cope with me in his master class? Was I an awful reminder of his years of stuttering? I hope not. My speech is much improved from the initial head injury, but I have good days and not so good days and yesterday wasn’t the most fluent day. I’ve got to the stage where I can read my poetry fluently, but it takes a lot of hard work. Stress, being tired, my brain slows and then everything goes downhill; the concentration, the clumsiness and the frustration of non-fluent speech and the crappy communication.
Meeting Ewan was helpful to meet to me as a ‘wanna-be’ writer; learning about some of his processes in writing; the master class exercise, the 'book game' and the nuggets from his writing life experiences were all so stimulating. I found today that there was more to him, the ex-stutterer, the man who overcame his barrier and now …..a man who has the most amazing critiques of his novels that, to be honest, I can probably only ever dream about. So often I’ve thought of writing a book about the last dozen years of my life. For now I’m mostly sticking with poetry and writing for campaigning and this baby blog. Poetry suits my attention span and my joy at playing with words in short pieces. Maybe, maybe one day the book on Jane Dearie’s disastrous meeting will be written.
I’m eager to learn more about writing. I started to write because I needed to. It was my only way of expressing my hurt; my outrage; the bottling up that was waiting to burst; the things I couldn’t say to people; the time after my fluency had left me and my stuttering was really bad and words went AWOL when I tried to engage in conversation, which to be honest was as little as possible.
My writing from that period is not aired and I have it filed away. The only exception being some poetry from that early venture I made into writing which was taken by the police as evidence for the trial against Carruthers. The officers said it was so strong and that it gave compelling evidence that something drastic had gone wrong in my life and that it was caused by a man and heavily indicated what the event was. Drastic it was and yes, life had gone very wrong, that bast..d had raped me and he was a senior policeman. My beliefs and ideas on trust had been blasted into oblivion in around half an hour of sheer hell. Then there was the head injury and my life took a further nose dive.
We arrived early. I got pick of the chairs and we went into a corner at the back where I felt safest. Ewan Morrison wasn’t what I was expecting. Pre-conceived ideas? No Jane, you should have learnt by now that you don’t have pre-conceived ideas; you take things and take people as you find them. If people I meet seem open, honest, kind, up-front that’s great. If they’re any of the negative things then time to buzz off. The man was a delightful character, showed a warm personality in front of his audience.
Ewan’s reading was superb. Not all sex, rampant hormones, and, after hearing his 15 minute extract, certainly not what I thought it would be. He explored an amazing array of issues from one small part of his novel “Distance.” His reading voice was good; it was clear, intonation great. There was a chance at the end for a Q&A session before the master class.
I had a question. I tried to keep it in my head, not be side tracked by other questions and Ewan’s answers. My short-term memory can be such a pain. I managed to pluck up the courage to ask about his process and just got in with the final question. Fascinating answer about the way he doesn’t want to overly analyse his work or else he thinks he’ll be scuppered (at that point I glanced at a university lecturer who is a specialist in critical writing analysis.) Ewan spoke about his way of exploring ideas and working in beginnings, middles and ends right though his work until it builds up into a composite volume.
The master class followed a short coffee break. Great to have this chance in one way I thought as I do need to improve my writing (even if only for the sake of campaigning), but I always get really nervous about this sort of thing. It can be a real exposure of your inner self and although I knew all bar one of the participants there is that inner fear lurking inside me. Ewan discussed beginnings; we looked at some examples of how writers have started novels, he spoke of the three W’s and ‘Chekov’s window.’ Fascinating stuff. Then the exercise, except it didn’t happen. He set us the exercise to be emailed to him, if we wanted to do it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d do it and the issue of ‘want to’ didn’t come into it. With no time to do the exercise Ewan planned for it was on to the ‘book game.’ I suddenly remembered that I’d played this fun and intriguing game years ago in a wee bothy on Mull when the rain hit the windows hard and horizontally one evening. I got home enthused by the mixture of ideas whizzing round in my head. The tape I had from the master class was helpful to listen to bits of. I’ve downloaded it and will play it again when there’s more time.
I looked up more about Ewan on the net at http://ewanmorrison.com/ and it seems there is a lot more to him than the subjects of his novels suggest. For goodness sake, why shouldn’t there be? I found an article he’d written for The Guardian on stuttering. He wrote about how trauma can start it off and how the discussion rages on about the “why of stuttering.” Ewan was a stutterer, so was his father. The extract he’d read to us, a father shouting to his stammering boy on Arthur’s Seat. It all made sense. That’s how Ewan knew so much about stuttering. He’d been through it. The agonies of not being able to say what you want to say, of feeling the word forming, hearing the word in your mind, but the word won’t come out. Crumbs, how did he cope with me in his master class? Was I an awful reminder of his years of stuttering? I hope not. My speech is much improved from the initial head injury, but I have good days and not so good days and yesterday wasn’t the most fluent day. I’ve got to the stage where I can read my poetry fluently, but it takes a lot of hard work. Stress, being tired, my brain slows and then everything goes downhill; the concentration, the clumsiness and the frustration of non-fluent speech and the crappy communication.
Meeting Ewan was helpful to meet to me as a ‘wanna-be’ writer; learning about some of his processes in writing; the master class exercise, the 'book game' and the nuggets from his writing life experiences were all so stimulating. I found today that there was more to him, the ex-stutterer, the man who overcame his barrier and now …..a man who has the most amazing critiques of his novels that, to be honest, I can probably only ever dream about. So often I’ve thought of writing a book about the last dozen years of my life. For now I’m mostly sticking with poetry and writing for campaigning and this baby blog. Poetry suits my attention span and my joy at playing with words in short pieces. Maybe, maybe one day the book on Jane Dearie’s disastrous meeting will be written.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
Good tax payers money - some of this yours?
It's hard, if not incredible to believe that the Legal Aid Board for Scotland have granted serial sex offender Adam Carruthers yet more money, up to £100,000, to fight his way through yet another legal process to endeavour to regain the whole of his police pension from Dumfries and Galloway Council (his ex-employers) who sacked him after the court case and misconduct inquiries which found him guilty of serious crimes and dereliction of duty on numerous occasions. The Council reduced his right to a full pension and have only granted Carruthers the right to have a pension which equates to the money he paid actually into it. This will give him around £6,000 a year. The Council can not take this money from him as he paid it in to his pension fund.
So let's give just a wee bit of thought to this latest decision.
1. In the lenghty Lothian and Borders Police inquiry Carruthers was found to have stalked, attacked, raped 38 women - to my knowledge he carried out all of these incidents whilst on duty.
2. I was attacked in my own home at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when Carruthers was on duty, in uniform and he arrived at my house in a marked police vehicle. Ironically my own council tax helped to fund his attack against me.
3. The court heard that Ms X was repeatedly raped by Carruthers and, like myself and several of his victims, she also attempted suicide. It has now been reported that two of his victims did sucessfully commit suicide.
4. The day Ms X came home it was Carruthers who told her husband to take their young son out of the house so that he could speak to Ms X and take her statement. He then RAPED her again in what must have been the most horrendous ordeal at a time when she was at her most vulnerable. An ordeal that must be very hard for her husband and their now grown up son to come to terms with.
5. Another victim was stalked whilst she lived in Langholm and this happened whilst Carruthers was on duty. Her case was featured in the BBC Frontline Scotland programme.
6. Carruthers offending behaviour is known to have taken place over a 20 year period - 20 years when he was not doing his duty as a police officer in protecting the public and endeavouring to reduce or stop crime in his local patch. Earlier in his career, as a constable, he was censured for sexual misconduct and yet incredibly he still rose to the rank of police inspector before he was finally suspended from duty and subsequently imprisoned and became renowned as one of Scotland's most prolific sex offenders.
These are just a few points that this incredulous decision of giving a convicted serial rapist even more tax payers money raises.
Who really pays for Carruthers' action against D&G Council as his previous employer?
1. The tax payer in Legal Aid fees. That is you if you pay income tax. His legal aid bill already tops £110,000 - a phenomenal amount of money that some of your income tax has been used for.
2. The Council tax payers of Dumfries and Galloway, an area where many of his victims still reside, will pay through their local council tax in fighting the action and, heaven forbid Carruthers wins his case, they then have to pay more of their council tax money towards his pension which one can certainly argue he doesn't deserve.
3. Yet more trauma is added to his many victims by yet more actions of this man who so abused his power as a policeman one questions how could he even be considered to be worthy of his full pension after what he did to so many women?
4. How can a man who quite obviously did not uphold his police oath or do his duty in serving the local community be worthy of a full pension?
So let's think why Carruthers is taking this legal action.
1. He appears to have absolutely nothing to lose as under current legislation he is legitimately using tax payers money to fight his case. It isn't costing him anything. That is the system we have and we haven't tried to change .....yet.
2. Despite being a convicted sex offender who has lost his appeals against convictions of rape and indecent assaults, the legal system works in his favour and is actually aiding his continued legal actions on any front he appears to see fit.
3. He has everything to gain if he were to win his case and regain his right to a full police pension which would give him a pension of around £17,000 per annum.
What about the victims? This gives a different perspective.
The Criminal Injuries tariff for being raped at the time Carruthers was found guilty was £7,500. If a victim put in a claim for more than one serious injury, as I did, which included permanent psychological damage which requires prolonged pscyhiatric treatment (for post traumatic stress disorder and depression), then the tariff for the rape was reduced to only 10% of that £7,500 ....yes that was a mere £750 compensation for being raped in my own home mid afternoon by a police sergeant on duty paid for by our council tax. The mental scars still remain and that tariff for psychological damage was £20,000 at that time. I remain on 23 prescribed medicines a day, as I have done for many, many years I still have to see health professionals on a frequent basis for the effects of the physical and mental injuries of his attack.
When you put all this in perspective it's not hard for any reasonable person to realise that the income tax and council tax payers are losers and the victims are also the losers physically, mentally and financially. Sadly the memories of these crimes do not fade with time ....you just have to try to learn how to deal with them day by day ...or as was sadly the case with some of Carruthers victims, give up in despair, take your own life rather than try to live with the memories of his actions and also not be believed by his fellow police officers to whom you reported.
As you have read this blog entry I really hope these points raise some searching questions in your minds.
Why is this happening and have we, as a society accepted this system as is? Huge sums of money are paid to serial sex ofenders who have served minimal time in prison and now have everything to gain in financial terms by taking out such actions.
Why do decent people let it happen? May be they don't realise?
Do decent people know the system we have in this country is firmly biased towards the perpetrators?
Why isn't this level of (legal aid) money instead spent on the important (often voluntary) agencies who have to pick up the many pieces and the debris from the shattered lives of the many victims of such heinous crimes? My local rape crisis centre quite literally saved my life yet they work on a shoe string budget and struggle to provide a region-wide service which I, like other survivors know really does save lives.
These are all points that I am raising with MSP's, victims groups and other agencies. Will you raise them too?
I don't want to pay a penny more in council tax to a serial sex offender like Adam Carruthers who has been responsible for the deaths of women and for mulitple traumas to women when it was his paid duty to care and protect them. As a special constable I happily worked many hours each week as a volunteer. In executing my duties I took all the same responsibilties and risks as any paid police officer does. This is not something that I regret. I only regret that I ever met Adam Carruthers and I regret to have discovered that many decent citizens are badly let down by the social and justice systems in our country.
It wouldn't be easy, but if asked, I will stand up in the court yet again and give evidence as to how my council tax was used to pay for a police officer in the employment of D&G Council to abuse, degrade and rape me. I would do this because I believe it is the right thing to do. Serial sex offenders, like any other offender, should not benefit or profit from their crimes. Carruthers made a decision every time he atacked a women and he alone is responsible for all that entails ....including losing his right to a full pension.
"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
So let's give just a wee bit of thought to this latest decision.
1. In the lenghty Lothian and Borders Police inquiry Carruthers was found to have stalked, attacked, raped 38 women - to my knowledge he carried out all of these incidents whilst on duty.
2. I was attacked in my own home at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when Carruthers was on duty, in uniform and he arrived at my house in a marked police vehicle. Ironically my own council tax helped to fund his attack against me.
3. The court heard that Ms X was repeatedly raped by Carruthers and, like myself and several of his victims, she also attempted suicide. It has now been reported that two of his victims did sucessfully commit suicide.
4. The day Ms X came home it was Carruthers who told her husband to take their young son out of the house so that he could speak to Ms X and take her statement. He then RAPED her again in what must have been the most horrendous ordeal at a time when she was at her most vulnerable. An ordeal that must be very hard for her husband and their now grown up son to come to terms with.
5. Another victim was stalked whilst she lived in Langholm and this happened whilst Carruthers was on duty. Her case was featured in the BBC Frontline Scotland programme.
6. Carruthers offending behaviour is known to have taken place over a 20 year period - 20 years when he was not doing his duty as a police officer in protecting the public and endeavouring to reduce or stop crime in his local patch. Earlier in his career, as a constable, he was censured for sexual misconduct and yet incredibly he still rose to the rank of police inspector before he was finally suspended from duty and subsequently imprisoned and became renowned as one of Scotland's most prolific sex offenders.
These are just a few points that this incredulous decision of giving a convicted serial rapist even more tax payers money raises.
Who really pays for Carruthers' action against D&G Council as his previous employer?
1. The tax payer in Legal Aid fees. That is you if you pay income tax. His legal aid bill already tops £110,000 - a phenomenal amount of money that some of your income tax has been used for.
2. The Council tax payers of Dumfries and Galloway, an area where many of his victims still reside, will pay through their local council tax in fighting the action and, heaven forbid Carruthers wins his case, they then have to pay more of their council tax money towards his pension which one can certainly argue he doesn't deserve.
3. Yet more trauma is added to his many victims by yet more actions of this man who so abused his power as a policeman one questions how could he even be considered to be worthy of his full pension after what he did to so many women?
4. How can a man who quite obviously did not uphold his police oath or do his duty in serving the local community be worthy of a full pension?
So let's think why Carruthers is taking this legal action.
1. He appears to have absolutely nothing to lose as under current legislation he is legitimately using tax payers money to fight his case. It isn't costing him anything. That is the system we have and we haven't tried to change .....yet.
2. Despite being a convicted sex offender who has lost his appeals against convictions of rape and indecent assaults, the legal system works in his favour and is actually aiding his continued legal actions on any front he appears to see fit.
3. He has everything to gain if he were to win his case and regain his right to a full police pension which would give him a pension of around £17,000 per annum.
What about the victims? This gives a different perspective.
The Criminal Injuries tariff for being raped at the time Carruthers was found guilty was £7,500. If a victim put in a claim for more than one serious injury, as I did, which included permanent psychological damage which requires prolonged pscyhiatric treatment (for post traumatic stress disorder and depression), then the tariff for the rape was reduced to only 10% of that £7,500 ....yes that was a mere £750 compensation for being raped in my own home mid afternoon by a police sergeant on duty paid for by our council tax. The mental scars still remain and that tariff for psychological damage was £20,000 at that time. I remain on 23 prescribed medicines a day, as I have done for many, many years I still have to see health professionals on a frequent basis for the effects of the physical and mental injuries of his attack.
When you put all this in perspective it's not hard for any reasonable person to realise that the income tax and council tax payers are losers and the victims are also the losers physically, mentally and financially. Sadly the memories of these crimes do not fade with time ....you just have to try to learn how to deal with them day by day ...or as was sadly the case with some of Carruthers victims, give up in despair, take your own life rather than try to live with the memories of his actions and also not be believed by his fellow police officers to whom you reported.
As you have read this blog entry I really hope these points raise some searching questions in your minds.
Why is this happening and have we, as a society accepted this system as is? Huge sums of money are paid to serial sex ofenders who have served minimal time in prison and now have everything to gain in financial terms by taking out such actions.
Why do decent people let it happen? May be they don't realise?
Do decent people know the system we have in this country is firmly biased towards the perpetrators?
Why isn't this level of (legal aid) money instead spent on the important (often voluntary) agencies who have to pick up the many pieces and the debris from the shattered lives of the many victims of such heinous crimes? My local rape crisis centre quite literally saved my life yet they work on a shoe string budget and struggle to provide a region-wide service which I, like other survivors know really does save lives.
These are all points that I am raising with MSP's, victims groups and other agencies. Will you raise them too?
I don't want to pay a penny more in council tax to a serial sex offender like Adam Carruthers who has been responsible for the deaths of women and for mulitple traumas to women when it was his paid duty to care and protect them. As a special constable I happily worked many hours each week as a volunteer. In executing my duties I took all the same responsibilties and risks as any paid police officer does. This is not something that I regret. I only regret that I ever met Adam Carruthers and I regret to have discovered that many decent citizens are badly let down by the social and justice systems in our country.
It wouldn't be easy, but if asked, I will stand up in the court yet again and give evidence as to how my council tax was used to pay for a police officer in the employment of D&G Council to abuse, degrade and rape me. I would do this because I believe it is the right thing to do. Serial sex offenders, like any other offender, should not benefit or profit from their crimes. Carruthers made a decision every time he atacked a women and he alone is responsible for all that entails ....including losing his right to a full pension.
"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Are you one?
I've been pondering about a comment left on my blog the other day by a woman who was also raped by Carruthers. I realise the amount of emotional outrage and stirring that will inevitably have been caused by the release of Carruthers from such a short time in prison, especially considering the nature of his crimes.
I don't know if you're the one who left the comment and perhaps you'll read this entry if you're following my blog. Whatever, please don't think you're alone. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I bottled it all up for so long, telling nobody. Bottled so much I could have got a job with Guinness, but the result has not been good for my mental health. That bottling, telling nobody (not helped by a string of other horrendous things in a short space of time) led to the chronic level of PTSD that I now have.
If you are a Carruthers victim and you're not coping with what's going on at the moment please speak to somebody if you feel able. Doesn't matter who - a trusted friend, the local rape crisis service, the lovely woman at the head of the Offender Mangament Unit of D&G Constabulary who has been so helpful to me about the release of that scumbag. Just please don't think you're alone with the burden of the memories of what that man did to you and to so many other women. I know you'll be understood and believed. That issue of belief is one of the worst things about sexual crimes. "How can I prove it?" Do take some courage in that it was proved and Carruthers was found guilty, did go to prison, albeit for not very long considering the nature of his crimes. He is a registered sex offender for life. He was found to have committed his crimes over a 20 year period - perhaps it was longer?
There have to be changes to the legislation and the way the legal system deal with these crimes and I'm really fighting for that, so much so that I gave up my image that was precious to me. If you believe in these changes being necessary too, do please leave me a comment - it could be done anonymously, it's up to you, just a show of support would be great.
Decent people do care about their fellow woman/man. Nobody deserves to be abused and in this case the use of a police uniform by Carruthers made it all so much worse. Help me to fight on and do make some noise, even if it's just a squeak!
I don't know if you're the one who left the comment and perhaps you'll read this entry if you're following my blog. Whatever, please don't think you're alone. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I bottled it all up for so long, telling nobody. Bottled so much I could have got a job with Guinness, but the result has not been good for my mental health. That bottling, telling nobody (not helped by a string of other horrendous things in a short space of time) led to the chronic level of PTSD that I now have.
If you are a Carruthers victim and you're not coping with what's going on at the moment please speak to somebody if you feel able. Doesn't matter who - a trusted friend, the local rape crisis service, the lovely woman at the head of the Offender Mangament Unit of D&G Constabulary who has been so helpful to me about the release of that scumbag. Just please don't think you're alone with the burden of the memories of what that man did to you and to so many other women. I know you'll be understood and believed. That issue of belief is one of the worst things about sexual crimes. "How can I prove it?" Do take some courage in that it was proved and Carruthers was found guilty, did go to prison, albeit for not very long considering the nature of his crimes. He is a registered sex offender for life. He was found to have committed his crimes over a 20 year period - perhaps it was longer?
There have to be changes to the legislation and the way the legal system deal with these crimes and I'm really fighting for that, so much so that I gave up my image that was precious to me. If you believe in these changes being necessary too, do please leave me a comment - it could be done anonymously, it's up to you, just a show of support would be great.
Decent people do care about their fellow woman/man. Nobody deserves to be abused and in this case the use of a police uniform by Carruthers made it all so much worse. Help me to fight on and do make some noise, even if it's just a squeak!
Monday, 15 September 2008
Day after publication
My back is utterly revolting again today. I suppose the house move alone was bound to take it's toll even though I've done very little physically. It ends up as another reminder of that dreadful day in October 96 that haunts me in all sorts of ways. A bad back always triggers more flashbacks too which one of the horrible sides to chronic PTSD. Flashbacks are such a pain and I'd do anything other than relive that life-changing day over and over again in glorious technicolour. As I know after years of so many doctors, consultants, specialists and experts, there are no solutions to my PTSD and so it's get on with it and keep taking the tablets. Mental health services have been a let down with being unable to help me that I now don't bother to say much as there is nothing positive that they seem to be able to do for me.
As you gather, I feel utterly drained and really quite down today and I've not been able to achieve much. Certainly not the list I'd made up last night. I try to do lists so I don't drift and lose my place with the things that need to be done. It's ordinary day-to-day living, but that doesn't always come easily for me after the assaults. Pain is never a good companion and the Tramadol pills and anti-inflammatory pills just aren't really touching the pain at the moment. My back is going into spasm frequently today and that is certainly not much fun.
All of this isn't what I'd expected today, but last week was a really busy one for me with the usual crop of medics to see and then the news articles to do ....not to mention the not so small matter of the release day of that devious and disgusting serial sex offender Carruthers on Friday.
I have to realise that I don't have masses of energy like I used to have, but this does irritate me and I get incredibly frustrated by not being able to keep going. Aye, I know, I shouldn't complain as there are sadly always others far worse off. I just 'don't do' the frustration issue very well.
Emails of support from the newspaper articles have been much appreciated and perhaps I might get some momentum behind the issue of serious sexual offences being treated as such by the government and the legislators of the future and even perhaps a change with those who deal with the perpetrators of these crimes who so often fail the victims. Am I dreaming on this one?
Victims of these very serious crimes are so often forgotten and yet they are the ones who really go through it, as do their families. Take the case of Ms X in the Carruthers trial. I was horrified when I found out what he'd done to her and how he'd duped her husband so he could rape her yet again. I honestly don't know how they might ever come to terms with that.
I seriously hope I'm not dreaming on achieving positive change as it really does matter to me that people who have been hurt, those driven to contemplate or those who have committed suicide because of heinous crimes have not suffered in vain. It also matters to me that the risk is minimised for the future and women are kept as safe as possible from the rapists and sex offenders - especially those who commit their crimes by abusing their power.
As you gather, I feel utterly drained and really quite down today and I've not been able to achieve much. Certainly not the list I'd made up last night. I try to do lists so I don't drift and lose my place with the things that need to be done. It's ordinary day-to-day living, but that doesn't always come easily for me after the assaults. Pain is never a good companion and the Tramadol pills and anti-inflammatory pills just aren't really touching the pain at the moment. My back is going into spasm frequently today and that is certainly not much fun.
All of this isn't what I'd expected today, but last week was a really busy one for me with the usual crop of medics to see and then the news articles to do ....not to mention the not so small matter of the release day of that devious and disgusting serial sex offender Carruthers on Friday.
I have to realise that I don't have masses of energy like I used to have, but this does irritate me and I get incredibly frustrated by not being able to keep going. Aye, I know, I shouldn't complain as there are sadly always others far worse off. I just 'don't do' the frustration issue very well.
Emails of support from the newspaper articles have been much appreciated and perhaps I might get some momentum behind the issue of serious sexual offences being treated as such by the government and the legislators of the future and even perhaps a change with those who deal with the perpetrators of these crimes who so often fail the victims. Am I dreaming on this one?
Victims of these very serious crimes are so often forgotten and yet they are the ones who really go through it, as do their families. Take the case of Ms X in the Carruthers trial. I was horrified when I found out what he'd done to her and how he'd duped her husband so he could rape her yet again. I honestly don't know how they might ever come to terms with that.
I seriously hope I'm not dreaming on achieving positive change as it really does matter to me that people who have been hurt, those driven to contemplate or those who have committed suicide because of heinous crimes have not suffered in vain. It also matters to me that the risk is minimised for the future and women are kept as safe as possible from the rapists and sex offenders - especially those who commit their crimes by abusing their power.
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Decisions
I've thought long and hard about keeping my right to anonymity. I've nothing to be ashamed of but I accept there are some strange people out there. I've decided I'll only surrender my image, not my real name.
Today I met with a freelance journalist I've got to know, Marcello Mega. He's written a lot of stories about some very high profile cases over the years and the case of Adam Carruthers has been no exception.
I got to know Marcello by accident. A local friend phoned me up to say there was a small piece on the back page of the Sunday Times (mid Sept. 99) and it mentioned the Carruthers case now in the hands of Lothian and Borders Police, and the article said there was a case kept live on file. That was mine and I was told this would never be published until there was a chance a trial could run. This was because Carruthers wasn't told that my case was being kept on file and it potentially put me back in danger again.
Turned out that the head of CID for D&G took exception to the article and decided to sue the journalist. I wrote to the Sunday Times offering support as nothing in that article was untrue and nothing that the man who was Head of CID should not accept as truth for the way the first (D&G Police inquiry) had gone, or had not gone in the case of the victims who were let down.
The first day I met Marcello he'd come to do an interview for a magazine and I was certain 'Marcello Mega' was a pseudonym. Not one bit of it! He wasn't "Big Mark" at all, but a very pleasant man of about 5 foot 5, with his head screwed on and with a determination for justice, especially where there has been obvious injustice.
So since that meeting we have kept in touch. Now he's told me there's this offer from several papers to do an article regarding the release of Adam Carruthers from prison at automatic two-thirds sentence stage, but .....they'd like my name and photos.
I've spoken to my mum, who is also my carer these days, and she's not happy about publication of the name, so it's going to be Jane Y. We've chosen Y - because I was Ms.Y in the High Court Trial in Glasgow in May 2001. I don't want to make Mum uneasy as she has suffered enough from the whole episode and she is now almost 80.
The effects of rape are like ripples in a pond - they affect many more people than the victims. Mum has suffered badly because of what happened to me. She lost all her hair as a result of the case - I have asked her if I can publish this and she says that's fine. Mum should be taking it easy and I should be doing more for her as she gets older - but it's the other way round these days with her being my registered carer. Thankfully for us both we are the best of buddies.
Today I met with a freelance journalist I've got to know, Marcello Mega. He's written a lot of stories about some very high profile cases over the years and the case of Adam Carruthers has been no exception.
I got to know Marcello by accident. A local friend phoned me up to say there was a small piece on the back page of the Sunday Times (mid Sept. 99) and it mentioned the Carruthers case now in the hands of Lothian and Borders Police, and the article said there was a case kept live on file. That was mine and I was told this would never be published until there was a chance a trial could run. This was because Carruthers wasn't told that my case was being kept on file and it potentially put me back in danger again.
Turned out that the head of CID for D&G took exception to the article and decided to sue the journalist. I wrote to the Sunday Times offering support as nothing in that article was untrue and nothing that the man who was Head of CID should not accept as truth for the way the first (D&G Police inquiry) had gone, or had not gone in the case of the victims who were let down.
The first day I met Marcello he'd come to do an interview for a magazine and I was certain 'Marcello Mega' was a pseudonym. Not one bit of it! He wasn't "Big Mark" at all, but a very pleasant man of about 5 foot 5, with his head screwed on and with a determination for justice, especially where there has been obvious injustice.
So since that meeting we have kept in touch. Now he's told me there's this offer from several papers to do an article regarding the release of Adam Carruthers from prison at automatic two-thirds sentence stage, but .....they'd like my name and photos.
I've spoken to my mum, who is also my carer these days, and she's not happy about publication of the name, so it's going to be Jane Y. We've chosen Y - because I was Ms.Y in the High Court Trial in Glasgow in May 2001. I don't want to make Mum uneasy as she has suffered enough from the whole episode and she is now almost 80.
The effects of rape are like ripples in a pond - they affect many more people than the victims. Mum has suffered badly because of what happened to me. She lost all her hair as a result of the case - I have asked her if I can publish this and she says that's fine. Mum should be taking it easy and I should be doing more for her as she gets older - but it's the other way round these days with her being my registered carer. Thankfully for us both we are the best of buddies.
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