Solidarity

Apologies for no posts on the blog for a while. We've had a very significant birthday to celebrate in the family. I hope we will continue to do so at various times during the rest of the year. That takes priority when it's somebody who is so special.
More recently I've had a bad whack of asthma and am coping with that annoying problem. Two rounds of 'stair rods,' steroids in normal speak, and I'm still fighting the wheezes in spite of all that's being thrown at my lungs. Inhalers and nebuliser are all in full flow - more than my lungs are!

Thanks to Dr Elaine Murray MSP for the motion in the Scottish Parliament on the issue of pensions for convicted offenders, pursued at public expense, who committed offences through their work. I hope this will lead to something positive and change in the future. I know this is a long haul and nothing will happen overnight, but the issue of legal aid for a convicted rapist to fight for a pension when he raped whilst on duty is something that must be followed up until a sensible solution is found. I still can't believe that is has been at the expense of the public purse.

A very firm positive hand of solidarity to Ann Robertson ,43, who was a witness in the recent Grangemouth rape case, held at the High Court, Edinburgh, with two other victims of sexual assault. Ann, a particularly unfortunate rape witness in this court case was ordered to be held in custody overnight by Judge Roger Craik. Why? She broke down in the witness box whilst giving evidence and was so upset she tried to leave. Judge Craik thought this was sufficient reason to lock her up for contempt of court. Ultimately Ann's attacker was found guilty of abusing two other girls at this trial but Ann's rape case was dropped as a result of the trauma she suffered in court giving evidence.

I found that giving evidence at a rape trial was an extremely harrowing experience. I still can't decide if it was worse than the event itself or on a par with it. Talking over horrific details of a very intimate personal assault in front of a lot of strangers is not something that any normal person could be happy with. It is horribly difficult. Like many victims of rape, there are those of us who suffer from varying degrees of PTSD as a result of the offence(s.) Reliving the experience is extremely traumatic and it flipped my PTSD symptoms to extremes before, during and after the trial. I didn't do well in court, I felt a wreck, I had to be excused by the judge at times and drank gallons of water and it seemed like I cried equal amounts in tears and used masses of paper hankies.

Ann, if you read this blog, I really feel for you. It's beyond belief for you to have been treated in this way. Very well done for managing to speak out about the horrific and, I feel, utterly inhuman treatment that you received. You are stronger than you might think and I take my hat off to you for speaking out and for asking for changes as a result of what Judge Craik did to you. In my mind Judge Craik has put the work of rape crisis centres and victim support workers back many years. The statistics comparing reported rapes to convictions is dire enough as it is. Judge Craik has undoubtedly made it a more difficult decision for any future victim to feel able to come forward and to hope to be treated reasonably and with respect.

As for the ongoing disgraced ex-cop Carruthers pension claim against Dumfries and Galloway Council - there was a third preliminary hearing at Dumfries Sheriff Court last Thursday. I do not have an outcome for this latest hearing. I phoned the court to find out and was told that the information could not be released to me. That said, the following night on Lookaround the presenters said a date had been set for the full hearing but they didn't say what it was. So I don't have that date as yet. As we know, victims and council tax payers who are helping to defend this deplorable action taken by serial sex offender Carruthers are being treated badly yet again. People don't seem to count. Heaven forbid he wins, we will have to pay again through our council tax. Double whammy.

Anybody who does have a date for the full hearing, do please leave a comment on the blog and I'll chase it up and then let you all know what the supporters wishing to see a fair deal plan to do next to highlight this atrocious claim funded by public money through Legal Aid.

A time to stand up

Today was, in my eyes and in those people I spoke to who took part, extremely successful. With the fanstastic help and encouragement of friends and family I came home feeling that a lot has been achieved today. We have raised awareness, not just locally but nationally. It can only benefit others and we all hope lead to positive outcomes.

The abuse of public money (income tax and council tax for those of us in D&G) for the benefit of a serial rapist has been highlighted on BBC 'Good Morning Scotland,' BBC 'Reporting Scotland,' BBC Scotland 'Newsdrive,' a number of other news and TV bulletins and a large number of national and local papers. More local papers are published on friday, so there may be more in those.

Many thanks to all of you who took part and for the miles you put in to make it to the court, for the posters you made and for being willing to stand up and be counted for something that is so obviously a signal that perpetrators have more human rights than victims. I know you all willingly did it because you feel as passionately as I do about the issues involved. I think you will find that more people will be thinking how brave you all were today to show your faces and to want the changes that are so overdue.

There have been very positive comments from everybody I've spoken to about the protest and the coverage received. Dr Elaine Murray MSP did a superb piece on 'Good Morning Scotland' and Iraina, director of SW Rape Crisis Centre also appeared and spoke on the issues involved with me. Thanks to Elaine and especially to Iraina who works tirelessly on these issues.

I came home, very tired after two days of this, to find the very first negative comment left on this blog and it simply emphasised all the more why our joint action is necessary and why awareness of the issues involved in serious sexual assault and rape have to be raised. Anon I feel sorry for you. You are the only person ever to leave a comment to make me think should I hit publish or reject?
This is what the ANON said:
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Pension for a serial rapist?":
let bygones be bygones, get on with your life. stop living in the past,and cashing in on it. take control, and stop the sympathy vote.
Anon, I think you simply show you live without empathy for your fellow man/woman. You obviously haven't worked out that these are the very sorts of crimes where the victims can't 'take control' (try chronic PTSD and you'll find out about nightmares, flashbacks, dissociative fugues and the likes.) Such naive thinking from anon - I pity you and anybody you know who may become a victim of such crimes. have a look at the Rape Crisis Scotland website, the White Ribbon Campaign website or Amnesty International. They are very educational.

I think that I speak for all victims of rape and serious sexual assualt - no victim seeks the 'sympathy vote.' We didn't have a choice in what happened to us. That is exactly why rape and sexual assault are criminal offences.
Anon, I suggest that you become more acquainted with the effects of rape and sexual abuse cases, their ramifications in all areas of a victims life. Also find out about the fantastic work that the rape crisis centres do - like our local one, where they counselled 199 victims in last year in this relatively sparsely populated region on a small budget. When/if you manage that Anon - perhaps you could make a more informed judgement on issues that involve such brutal violence. Then perhaps you might be able to make a more valuable contribution to society and to social policy discussions and campaigns. I really hope you or anybody close to you never finds out first-hand about rape and sexual abuse ...remember it can and does happen to either sex, any age.

So to the good people who turned out today - this comment from anon is simply another reason why each one of us was there to highlight the abuse of tax payers money, the inequalities of the Carruthers case (and those similar to it) and why you don't just 'forget about it and let bygones be bygones.' We all fight for equal rights in what is hoped to be a world of equality in all areas of life. That is all that victims of rape want ....other than the obvious of there to be no perpetrators so it wouldn't happen in the first place or ever. Oh, for that ideal world with no violent crime and no inequalities in a proper justice system!

Little sleep and rays of sunshine

It’s been a crazy few days. I seem to rush around, achieve little, and then fall flat, absolutely drained of energy. My sleep ….. seems it isn’t happening for me despite feeling shattered most of the time. On the odd occasion I do sleep then the nightmares kick in or the Serco alarm makes the phone give one ring, as it does through the day, and that's it ....game over.
I saw one of the medics I’ve been seeing for over 10 years today. I mentioned I was doing this blog to try and get things changed for those who will sadly come in the future. To my absolute horror he revealed to me that there’d been another patient in the clinic with an identical story to the one I’d revealed. No panic, there's no breach of confidentiality here, just a statement of fact – a sad fact. I don’t know if this is the woman who left a comment on my blog or not. I have the feeling that when Lothian and Borders Police traced 38 Carruthers victims, there were always bound to many more.
How can 7 years and 4 months be enough for these crimes? The licence conditions will last for another 3 years and 8 months and then? …… if not before then? Will it really take another woman to be seriously hurt, damaged physically and mentally for life, before a more sensible approach is adopted with serial sex offenders like Carruthers?

One major ray of brightness has been that my blog has been picked up by a very special friend. Eryl, a super writer, who has her own blogs running, has been incensed not just as one of my friends, but because she also cares about the issues involved. I worry, as always, that she wasn't aware of the full story, but the article in the paper is now online and that must have been an eye opener for any decent person to read. I know how I'd feel if I read such a thing had happened to one of my pals. Eryl has said something about the Jane Dearie blog on her own blog in a post she's called, "Kicking against the pricks." I’ve already had responses as more people are aware of Eryl’s blog than my new one. To a person, they feel like we do. One more was a victim of serious sexual assault. If we can’t stop these dreadful crimes from happening (which realistically we can’t) then perhaps we can try to persuade the people who make the decisions appreciate the effects on the victims, their families and friends ....and that changes are in sore need of being set in motion.

Eryl has a superb blog at http://thekitchenbitchponders.blogspot.com/ and from that you can read some of the responses her readers have made to my situation and my own very baby blog. I think I’ll be asking for tips as well - just to find out how to do more with my blog as she has obviously got blogging far more sussed than I have!