I was rather weary when I came home today but a wet day suddenly brightened when I opened a series of emails in my inbox from members of the press.
The written decision of the Sheriff who presided over the case in which serial rapist Adam Carruthers had taken against Dumfries and Galloway Council, his previous employers, was made public today. This decision is the result of the three day debate held at Dumfries Sheriff Court in June.
So the decision ......Carruthers bid to have the right to his full police pension re-instated has been denied. This is the most sensible piece of news that could come out of the case where income tax and council tax payers money footed Carruthers' legal aid bill for his attempt to get his full police pension re-instated.
Had Carruthers been successful in this ridiculous quest it would have given the potential for any employee who had committed rape (or any other serious criminal offences) through the course of their employment able to claim and receive their full pension - thus making rape a pensionable occupation.
I'm sure I don't have to spell out how dreadful such a decision would have been and what message it would give out to the perpetrators of such heinous crimes as well as to their victims.
Of course, after the last 12 years of Carruthers many legal appeals and actions I will not be surprised if he appeals this decision if he can. Time will tell.
To all of the wonderful people who stood outside Dumfries Sheriff Court and protested against this action of a devious serial sex offender, to those of you who wrote letters, contacted MSP's, ministers, councillors and other relevant people and supported a campaign for common sense and justice please accept a MASSIVE THANK YOU from me for your efforts. I'm only one of the rape victims of rape cop Adam Carruthers but I'm sure other victims and their friends and families are also grateful to you for your work with the campaign. Thank you!
Showing posts with label rape cop. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rape cop. Show all posts
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Pension hearing starts Tuesday 16th June
Many of you have emailed me to ask for a date the pension hearing case. A journalist had told me it was to start next Thursday, but looking at the Scottish Courts Lists for Dumfries, the hearing of
Adam Carruthers vs Dumfries and Galloway Council
over his right to a full police pension , is scheduled to start on Tuesday 16th June at 10 a.m. at Dumfries Sheriff Court, Buccleuch Street, Dumfries. His claim is in spite of the fact that he raped and sexually assaulted women whilst on duty as a senior police officer.
The court lists show that three days have been set aside for this hearing. Three days! I know, I can imagine what many of you are thinking and it's probably not much different to my own thoughts. At this stage, Carruthers still has almost three years of his prison sentence left to serve, even though he is currently serving it at home in his local community with conditions attached following his release last September.
This hearing is at the expense of the tax payer, income and council tax as it's funded by Legal Aid and the local council have to fight the case using our council tax payments. I'm certainly not happy about that especially as I haven't even got a pension to look forward to.
I won't be at the hearing as the terms of Carruthers licence would make that impossible and, to be honest, I have no desire to see that 'man' ever again should he have the brass neck to appear in person. No doubt I'll hear on the news the outcome of the case ...whenever it comes and be able to update you on the blog. After all that's happened with various stages of the Carruthers case I won't be holding my breath with the outcome of this one.
If Carruthers wins, as I've already alluded to, I believe it would be give his many other victims the opportunity to take him to court through the civil court. 'Proof beyond all reasonable doubt' is not required in a civil case as it was for the criminal case held at Glasgow High Court in May 2001. All of you who have suffered at the hands of Carruthers might like to bear this in mind. He is already a convicted rapist and serial sex offender.
The big question will be ....is rape a pensionable occupation?
Adam Carruthers vs Dumfries and Galloway Council
over his right to a full police pension , is scheduled to start on Tuesday 16th June at 10 a.m. at Dumfries Sheriff Court, Buccleuch Street, Dumfries. His claim is in spite of the fact that he raped and sexually assaulted women whilst on duty as a senior police officer.
The court lists show that three days have been set aside for this hearing. Three days! I know, I can imagine what many of you are thinking and it's probably not much different to my own thoughts. At this stage, Carruthers still has almost three years of his prison sentence left to serve, even though he is currently serving it at home in his local community with conditions attached following his release last September.
This hearing is at the expense of the tax payer, income and council tax as it's funded by Legal Aid and the local council have to fight the case using our council tax payments. I'm certainly not happy about that especially as I haven't even got a pension to look forward to.
I won't be at the hearing as the terms of Carruthers licence would make that impossible and, to be honest, I have no desire to see that 'man' ever again should he have the brass neck to appear in person. No doubt I'll hear on the news the outcome of the case ...whenever it comes and be able to update you on the blog. After all that's happened with various stages of the Carruthers case I won't be holding my breath with the outcome of this one.
If Carruthers wins, as I've already alluded to, I believe it would be give his many other victims the opportunity to take him to court through the civil court. 'Proof beyond all reasonable doubt' is not required in a civil case as it was for the criminal case held at Glasgow High Court in May 2001. All of you who have suffered at the hands of Carruthers might like to bear this in mind. He is already a convicted rapist and serial sex offender.
The big question will be ....is rape a pensionable occupation?
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
A full pension hearing date
After an incredible four preliminary hearings, at heaven knows what expense to the public purse taken from council tax and income tax payers, a date has finally been set for a full pension hearing for rapist, ex-cop Adam Carruthers. Will we finally discover if rape is a pensionable occupation? Are police officers who have turned bad going to be pensioned in spite of such heinous crimes? What will that say about our society?
Many thanks to the journalists who were kind enough to get in touch and give me the date for the full hearing.
The date has been set as 18th June 2009, but one kind journalist has said that there is a chance it could happen the week before on the 11th June. The only way to find out is to log onto the Scottish Courts website and they only post up hearing 5 days beforehand. As 11th is a Thursday, it might only become public on the Monday before? That's the justice system for you. The rape trial in 2001 finally ran at it's fifth and last possible date before it became 'time barred.'
I'm not sure how civil cases work in the courts with regards to dates and if they are as unreliable on time as the criminal cases often are. I remember in 2001 being sickened at being all geared up to give evidence at the High Court only to hear that the trial had been postponed. Four postponements was not the way to treat victims of such serious crimes who all had psychological injuries as a result of the actions of Carruthers.
So come the full pension hearing I know there is a lot of support out there and there are many of you who have been in touch who wish to hold another quiet, dignified protest at the court in Dumfries when the hearing is on. This is possibly your date ....or do I mean dates?
The journalists tell me that the hearing is likely to take three days. Three days?!!! How long does it take to say that crimes of rape and sexual assault committed by a police officer on duty is not in the job description of "Protecting the public and preventing crime?" In my probable naivety I would have thought that is the crux of this case. It seems to me that three days is a long time to argue out if Carruthers can or cannot have his full police pension (gained at public expense through legal aid) yet he quite obviously committed very serious crimes and didn't protect the public at times when he was employed as a senior police officer by Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary.
So is rape a pensionable occupation? We'll find out in a few months time.
June will reveal how this goes ....or will it?! I'm so cynical after my experience of years of the justice and court system and the antics of serial sex offender Adam Carruthers. I'm sure all of his victims will find it a difficult time when the case comes to court again. He won't care about that.
However, if he wins, I wonder if he'll mind if his many victims sue him? The ones who were denied justice especially have every right to do that and if he should win then he will obviously have an income at the very least - even if it's not actually in his pocket until his retirement date. A civil case does not require the same level of absolute proof that a criminal case does - it does not have to be beyond all reasonable doubt in the civil court.
Now there's an interesting scenario!
Many thanks to the journalists who were kind enough to get in touch and give me the date for the full hearing.
The date has been set as 18th June 2009, but one kind journalist has said that there is a chance it could happen the week before on the 11th June. The only way to find out is to log onto the Scottish Courts website and they only post up hearing 5 days beforehand. As 11th is a Thursday, it might only become public on the Monday before? That's the justice system for you. The rape trial in 2001 finally ran at it's fifth and last possible date before it became 'time barred.'
I'm not sure how civil cases work in the courts with regards to dates and if they are as unreliable on time as the criminal cases often are. I remember in 2001 being sickened at being all geared up to give evidence at the High Court only to hear that the trial had been postponed. Four postponements was not the way to treat victims of such serious crimes who all had psychological injuries as a result of the actions of Carruthers.
So come the full pension hearing I know there is a lot of support out there and there are many of you who have been in touch who wish to hold another quiet, dignified protest at the court in Dumfries when the hearing is on. This is possibly your date ....or do I mean dates?
The journalists tell me that the hearing is likely to take three days. Three days?!!! How long does it take to say that crimes of rape and sexual assault committed by a police officer on duty is not in the job description of "Protecting the public and preventing crime?" In my probable naivety I would have thought that is the crux of this case. It seems to me that three days is a long time to argue out if Carruthers can or cannot have his full police pension (gained at public expense through legal aid) yet he quite obviously committed very serious crimes and didn't protect the public at times when he was employed as a senior police officer by Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary.
So is rape a pensionable occupation? We'll find out in a few months time.
June will reveal how this goes ....or will it?! I'm so cynical after my experience of years of the justice and court system and the antics of serial sex offender Adam Carruthers. I'm sure all of his victims will find it a difficult time when the case comes to court again. He won't care about that.
However, if he wins, I wonder if he'll mind if his many victims sue him? The ones who were denied justice especially have every right to do that and if he should win then he will obviously have an income at the very least - even if it's not actually in his pocket until his retirement date. A civil case does not require the same level of absolute proof that a criminal case does - it does not have to be beyond all reasonable doubt in the civil court.
Now there's an interesting scenario!
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Solidarity
Apologies for no posts on the blog for a while. We've had a very significant birthday to celebrate in the family. I hope we will continue to do so at various times during the rest of the year. That takes priority when it's somebody who is so special.
More recently I've had a bad whack of asthma and am coping with that annoying problem. Two rounds of 'stair rods,' steroids in normal speak, and I'm still fighting the wheezes in spite of all that's being thrown at my lungs. Inhalers and nebuliser are all in full flow - more than my lungs are!
Thanks to Dr Elaine Murray MSP for the motion in the Scottish Parliament on the issue of pensions for convicted offenders, pursued at public expense, who committed offences through their work. I hope this will lead to something positive and change in the future. I know this is a long haul and nothing will happen overnight, but the issue of legal aid for a convicted rapist to fight for a pension when he raped whilst on duty is something that must be followed up until a sensible solution is found. I still can't believe that is has been at the expense of the public purse.
A very firm positive hand of solidarity to Ann Robertson ,43, who was a witness in the recent Grangemouth rape case, held at the High Court, Edinburgh, with two other victims of sexual assault. Ann, a particularly unfortunate rape witness in this court case was ordered to be held in custody overnight by Judge Roger Craik. Why? She broke down in the witness box whilst giving evidence and was so upset she tried to leave. Judge Craik thought this was sufficient reason to lock her up for contempt of court. Ultimately Ann's attacker was found guilty of abusing two other girls at this trial but Ann's rape case was dropped as a result of the trauma she suffered in court giving evidence.
I found that giving evidence at a rape trial was an extremely harrowing experience. I still can't decide if it was worse than the event itself or on a par with it. Talking over horrific details of a very intimate personal assault in front of a lot of strangers is not something that any normal person could be happy with. It is horribly difficult. Like many victims of rape, there are those of us who suffer from varying degrees of PTSD as a result of the offence(s.) Reliving the experience is extremely traumatic and it flipped my PTSD symptoms to extremes before, during and after the trial. I didn't do well in court, I felt a wreck, I had to be excused by the judge at times and drank gallons of water and it seemed like I cried equal amounts in tears and used masses of paper hankies.
Ann, if you read this blog, I really feel for you. It's beyond belief for you to have been treated in this way. Very well done for managing to speak out about the horrific and, I feel, utterly inhuman treatment that you received. You are stronger than you might think and I take my hat off to you for speaking out and for asking for changes as a result of what Judge Craik did to you. In my mind Judge Craik has put the work of rape crisis centres and victim support workers back many years. The statistics comparing reported rapes to convictions is dire enough as it is. Judge Craik has undoubtedly made it a more difficult decision for any future victim to feel able to come forward and to hope to be treated reasonably and with respect.
As for the ongoing disgraced ex-cop Carruthers pension claim against Dumfries and Galloway Council - there was a third preliminary hearing at Dumfries Sheriff Court last Thursday. I do not have an outcome for this latest hearing. I phoned the court to find out and was told that the information could not be released to me. That said, the following night on Lookaround the presenters said a date had been set for the full hearing but they didn't say what it was. So I don't have that date as yet. As we know, victims and council tax payers who are helping to defend this deplorable action taken by serial sex offender Carruthers are being treated badly yet again. People don't seem to count. Heaven forbid he wins, we will have to pay again through our council tax. Double whammy.
Anybody who does have a date for the full hearing, do please leave a comment on the blog and I'll chase it up and then let you all know what the supporters wishing to see a fair deal plan to do next to highlight this atrocious claim funded by public money through Legal Aid.
More recently I've had a bad whack of asthma and am coping with that annoying problem. Two rounds of 'stair rods,' steroids in normal speak, and I'm still fighting the wheezes in spite of all that's being thrown at my lungs. Inhalers and nebuliser are all in full flow - more than my lungs are!
Thanks to Dr Elaine Murray MSP for the motion in the Scottish Parliament on the issue of pensions for convicted offenders, pursued at public expense, who committed offences through their work. I hope this will lead to something positive and change in the future. I know this is a long haul and nothing will happen overnight, but the issue of legal aid for a convicted rapist to fight for a pension when he raped whilst on duty is something that must be followed up until a sensible solution is found. I still can't believe that is has been at the expense of the public purse.
A very firm positive hand of solidarity to Ann Robertson ,43, who was a witness in the recent Grangemouth rape case, held at the High Court, Edinburgh, with two other victims of sexual assault. Ann, a particularly unfortunate rape witness in this court case was ordered to be held in custody overnight by Judge Roger Craik. Why? She broke down in the witness box whilst giving evidence and was so upset she tried to leave. Judge Craik thought this was sufficient reason to lock her up for contempt of court. Ultimately Ann's attacker was found guilty of abusing two other girls at this trial but Ann's rape case was dropped as a result of the trauma she suffered in court giving evidence.
I found that giving evidence at a rape trial was an extremely harrowing experience. I still can't decide if it was worse than the event itself or on a par with it. Talking over horrific details of a very intimate personal assault in front of a lot of strangers is not something that any normal person could be happy with. It is horribly difficult. Like many victims of rape, there are those of us who suffer from varying degrees of PTSD as a result of the offence(s.) Reliving the experience is extremely traumatic and it flipped my PTSD symptoms to extremes before, during and after the trial. I didn't do well in court, I felt a wreck, I had to be excused by the judge at times and drank gallons of water and it seemed like I cried equal amounts in tears and used masses of paper hankies.
Ann, if you read this blog, I really feel for you. It's beyond belief for you to have been treated in this way. Very well done for managing to speak out about the horrific and, I feel, utterly inhuman treatment that you received. You are stronger than you might think and I take my hat off to you for speaking out and for asking for changes as a result of what Judge Craik did to you. In my mind Judge Craik has put the work of rape crisis centres and victim support workers back many years. The statistics comparing reported rapes to convictions is dire enough as it is. Judge Craik has undoubtedly made it a more difficult decision for any future victim to feel able to come forward and to hope to be treated reasonably and with respect.
As for the ongoing disgraced ex-cop Carruthers pension claim against Dumfries and Galloway Council - there was a third preliminary hearing at Dumfries Sheriff Court last Thursday. I do not have an outcome for this latest hearing. I phoned the court to find out and was told that the information could not be released to me. That said, the following night on Lookaround the presenters said a date had been set for the full hearing but they didn't say what it was. So I don't have that date as yet. As we know, victims and council tax payers who are helping to defend this deplorable action taken by serial sex offender Carruthers are being treated badly yet again. People don't seem to count. Heaven forbid he wins, we will have to pay again through our council tax. Double whammy.
Anybody who does have a date for the full hearing, do please leave a comment on the blog and I'll chase it up and then let you all know what the supporters wishing to see a fair deal plan to do next to highlight this atrocious claim funded by public money through Legal Aid.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
In one week - hope of positive change
Wow, what a week it’s been post court protest! I can’t get over how much we all achieved. Local and national coverage in many newspapers, on radio and on television quoting protesters, politicians and other interested parties. This is more than I had ever dreamed possible from the protest and letter sending. To all those who supported, or were there in spirit, many thanks once again. Give yourselves a huge round of applause and congratulate yourselves for making a difference to raising the profile of rights and for a fair deal for victims of crime.
As the week progressed it just got better.
I’ve had replies to just four of the emails I sent out to the MSP’s and none from the two MP's who may feel it's not in their remit. Michael Russell MSP, Dr Elaine Murray MSP and through the week to Christina McKelvie MSP deserve enormous pats on the back for their support and for understanding how crazy this situation is and mostly, for being proactive. Michael Russell sent me a copy of a letter he’s sent to Kenny MacAskill, the Justice Minister. It was short and straight talking and he didn’t hold back. It packed a real punch about this whole crazy affair of so much help given to convicted perpetrators who commit horrible crimes. Thanks to Michael Russell.
It’s interesting how from just one incensed survivor things get passed on and are taken up to hopefully engender change for those who will sadly follow. It feels like the trundling stone has started to hurtle down a steep hill this week. I hope this continues.
I also sent a copy of my missive that went to politicians to Rape Crisis Scotland. They asked if it was OK to circulate it to all their centres. I gave a very positive, ‘yes please!’ From that, the Lanarkshire Rape Crisis Centre, similarly incensed, picked up on it and made contact with Christina McKelvie, MSP. Thanks to Anne at Lanarkshire RCC and to Christina. The stone gathering even more pace resulted in Christina asking a question in the Scottish Parliament on Tuesday. She made specific reference to the Carruthers case. The result was a statement from the Justice Minister on Thursday 5th February. This is the press release:
NEWSDESKS
POLITICAL / JUSTICE CORRESPONDENTS
LEGAL AID CONCERN RAISED IN PARLIAMENT
MACASKILL TO RAISE RAPIST LEGAL AID CASE
Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill today confirmed he will raise the issue of legal aid being supplied to a policeman who has been convicted of rape with the Scottish Legal Aid Board.
Mr MacAskill made the commitment in answer to questions from SNP MSP Christina McKelvie after it was revealed that former Policeman Adam Carruthers who had part of his pension withdrawn by the police authority after being convicted of rape has received legal aid to pursue his case to have his pension restored.
Speaking after she questioned Mr MacAskill in the Scottish Parliament Central Scotland MSP Ms McKelvie said;
“I welcome the Cabinet Secretary’s commitment to raise this issue with the Legal Aid Board.
“I agree with the Justice Secretary that Legal Aid must primarily help the victim – not convicted perpetrators.
“Though there will always be issues around human rights legislation when it comes to legal aid this case has caused significant concerns and I hope the Legal Aid Board will consider whether the criteria they apply are the right ones.
“Legal Aid is a complicated issue and everyone is entitled to their defence – but it beggars belief that someone who has been convicted of rape whilst on duty as a policeman should receive legal aid to sue for their police pension.”ENDS
The last sentence is of particular significance in this case and from my position as just one of the Carruthers victims. The statement has received mass coverage in local and national media. I had contact from the press asking me how I felt about the statement. I find this, for a change, extremely empowering. If you are reading this as one affected by the heinous actions of Carruthers - I hope you do too. For me it has made the efforts of the last couple of weeks so worthwhile to endeavour to get a level playing field. It's made me think there is a possibility that victims might just get the same rights as perpetrators - the sooner the better.
What a difference a week makes!
As the week progressed it just got better.
I’ve had replies to just four of the emails I sent out to the MSP’s and none from the two MP's who may feel it's not in their remit. Michael Russell MSP, Dr Elaine Murray MSP and through the week to Christina McKelvie MSP deserve enormous pats on the back for their support and for understanding how crazy this situation is and mostly, for being proactive. Michael Russell sent me a copy of a letter he’s sent to Kenny MacAskill, the Justice Minister. It was short and straight talking and he didn’t hold back. It packed a real punch about this whole crazy affair of so much help given to convicted perpetrators who commit horrible crimes. Thanks to Michael Russell.
It’s interesting how from just one incensed survivor things get passed on and are taken up to hopefully engender change for those who will sadly follow. It feels like the trundling stone has started to hurtle down a steep hill this week. I hope this continues.
I also sent a copy of my missive that went to politicians to Rape Crisis Scotland. They asked if it was OK to circulate it to all their centres. I gave a very positive, ‘yes please!’ From that, the Lanarkshire Rape Crisis Centre, similarly incensed, picked up on it and made contact with Christina McKelvie, MSP. Thanks to Anne at Lanarkshire RCC and to Christina. The stone gathering even more pace resulted in Christina asking a question in the Scottish Parliament on Tuesday. She made specific reference to the Carruthers case. The result was a statement from the Justice Minister on Thursday 5th February. This is the press release:
NEWSDESKS
POLITICAL / JUSTICE CORRESPONDENTS
LEGAL AID CONCERN RAISED IN PARLIAMENT
MACASKILL TO RAISE RAPIST LEGAL AID CASE
Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill today confirmed he will raise the issue of legal aid being supplied to a policeman who has been convicted of rape with the Scottish Legal Aid Board.
Mr MacAskill made the commitment in answer to questions from SNP MSP Christina McKelvie after it was revealed that former Policeman Adam Carruthers who had part of his pension withdrawn by the police authority after being convicted of rape has received legal aid to pursue his case to have his pension restored.
Speaking after she questioned Mr MacAskill in the Scottish Parliament Central Scotland MSP Ms McKelvie said;
“I welcome the Cabinet Secretary’s commitment to raise this issue with the Legal Aid Board.
“I agree with the Justice Secretary that Legal Aid must primarily help the victim – not convicted perpetrators.
“Though there will always be issues around human rights legislation when it comes to legal aid this case has caused significant concerns and I hope the Legal Aid Board will consider whether the criteria they apply are the right ones.
“Legal Aid is a complicated issue and everyone is entitled to their defence – but it beggars belief that someone who has been convicted of rape whilst on duty as a policeman should receive legal aid to sue for their police pension.”ENDS
The last sentence is of particular significance in this case and from my position as just one of the Carruthers victims. The statement has received mass coverage in local and national media. I had contact from the press asking me how I felt about the statement. I find this, for a change, extremely empowering. If you are reading this as one affected by the heinous actions of Carruthers - I hope you do too. For me it has made the efforts of the last couple of weeks so worthwhile to endeavour to get a level playing field. It's made me think there is a possibility that victims might just get the same rights as perpetrators - the sooner the better.
What a difference a week makes!
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Pension for a serial rapist?
This is the week, on Thursday 29th, when the decision will be made in Dumfries Sheriff Court about Carruthers' pension fight. Will the Sheriff decide to give him his full pension? Will the Sheriff decide that he doesn't have a right to it as D&G Council did? Carruthers got up to 100,000K in legal aid to fight for it to alleviate his 'family hardship.' If the decision goes against him will he appeal? Highly likely on his past performance. I think many rapists like Carruthers live in complete denial about everything - be it rapes or pension rights.
I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.
Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.
I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.
The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.
So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.
What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?
I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.
Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.
After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.
I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.
Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.
I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.
The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.
So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.
What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?
I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.
Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.
After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Rape - a pensionable occupation
As you probably know from previous posts Adam Carruthers, ex-senior police officer and convicted serial rapist and sex offender has taken his previous employers, Dumfries and Galloway Council to court for the re-instatement of his whole pension. At the moment he is only entitled to the money he paid in whilst a cop, roughly 35% or around £6,000 p.a.
From one of my readers:
"Read your blog and noted my comment......hope it helps a little........Carrying on in the same vein.........I know it is a common mistake to confuse the law with justice, however, it would add insult to injury if the sheriff ruled in favour of Carruthers...........It would make rape a pensionable occupation........I hope they realise that.....How sick would that be?"
I quite agree and many thanks for your comments. It would be extremely sick. This is an insult to his many victims, not to mention the whole process of getting justice through the Scottish legal system.
It's interesting that one could already assume the Scottish Legal Aid Board (SLAB) considers that rape and serious sexual offences, such as the ones committed by ex-cop Carruthers when he was on duty qualifies him for his entire pension ......thus making rape a pensionable occupation. Why assume this? I understand the SLAB have made up to £100,000 of legal aid available to Carruthers to fight this pension case.
I continue to throw my hands up in horror at the treatment of victims of serious crime and our justice system; and now also for the people who pay council tax and income tax. We know this money could be better spent - helping the cash-stapped rape crisis centres would be a very good way for starters. They really do save lives, yet Carruthers is claiming 'family hardship.' The pension cut Carruthers got was due to his own choice of heinous actions against many women, some of whom took their own life and others who tried to as a result of his sick crimes.
Remember, Carruthers lost his original criminal trial case, lost his criminal appeal against rape and indecent assault convictions and lost his two attempts to have his conviction quashed through Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission. Surely that speaks volumes?
The conviction rate for rapes reported to the police in Scotland is a pitiful 2.9% of all cases. That says a lot about our criminal justice system, serial sex offenders like Carruthers and the treatment of victims through the process of getting justice.
This pension case returns to Dumfries Sheriff Court on 29th January. There are many people who have contacted me who will be there on the 29th January to protest against the misuse of public money for the financial gain of convicted sex offenders. Perhaps you might wish to join them?
From one of my readers:
"Read your blog and noted my comment......hope it helps a little........Carrying on in the same vein.........I know it is a common mistake to confuse the law with justice, however, it would add insult to injury if the sheriff ruled in favour of Carruthers...........It would make rape a pensionable occupation........I hope they realise that.....How sick would that be?"
I quite agree and many thanks for your comments. It would be extremely sick. This is an insult to his many victims, not to mention the whole process of getting justice through the Scottish legal system.
It's interesting that one could already assume the Scottish Legal Aid Board (SLAB) considers that rape and serious sexual offences, such as the ones committed by ex-cop Carruthers when he was on duty qualifies him for his entire pension ......thus making rape a pensionable occupation. Why assume this? I understand the SLAB have made up to £100,000 of legal aid available to Carruthers to fight this pension case.
I continue to throw my hands up in horror at the treatment of victims of serious crime and our justice system; and now also for the people who pay council tax and income tax. We know this money could be better spent - helping the cash-stapped rape crisis centres would be a very good way for starters. They really do save lives, yet Carruthers is claiming 'family hardship.' The pension cut Carruthers got was due to his own choice of heinous actions against many women, some of whom took their own life and others who tried to as a result of his sick crimes.
Remember, Carruthers lost his original criminal trial case, lost his criminal appeal against rape and indecent assault convictions and lost his two attempts to have his conviction quashed through Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission. Surely that speaks volumes?
The conviction rate for rapes reported to the police in Scotland is a pitiful 2.9% of all cases. That says a lot about our criminal justice system, serial sex offenders like Carruthers and the treatment of victims through the process of getting justice.
This pension case returns to Dumfries Sheriff Court on 29th January. There are many people who have contacted me who will be there on the 29th January to protest against the misuse of public money for the financial gain of convicted sex offenders. Perhaps you might wish to join them?
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
At our expense
Firstly apologies for the lack of posts on the blog. Hitting a stane dyke and being in the shadow of a huge black dog pursuing my every move is one way of describing how I've been feeling. This is often a very hard time of year for me. Made harder this year by the release of Carruthers, by his latest legal bids and recently by my carer being stuck in by snow and then ice for 10 days. I didn't do much of a job of trying to look after myself properly. The lack of access to medics due to snow and ice and their ill health also hasn't helped me to cope. I am a proud person and I'm not good at asking for help. I was offered an appointment with a male doctor but I know I wouldn't cope with that without my carer and how could I even start to explain the scenario in my allotted time? The practice has just asked patients to make sure their allocated time slots don't run over to reduce the time others spend in the waiting room.
So much has happened in the last few weeks I hardly know where to start to update blog followers.
The latest Carruthers related court case, which started on 27th November, is for the reinstatement of his full pension rights; a battle in which serial rapist and sex offender Adam Carruthers has been granted up to £100,000 of legal aid. Aye, that's one heck of a lot of money - decent folks money. Carruthers is apparently citing 'family hardship' if he only gets a pension equivalent to the money he paid in. That is how it stands for him at present - around £6,000 a year or 35% of the norm for a non-offending officer of the rank he attained before dismissal from the force.
The result of this court case? Well there isn't one as yet. The next hearing of the case is scheduled for 29th January 2009, once again at Dumfries Sheriff Court ....more of which to come later on the subject, but for now:
1. D&G Council tax payers money is paying to defend this action.
2. Those who pay income tax are also funding yet another legal action by Carruthers by providing money for his costs through legal aid.
Why not you might say - that's the current system and he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. Sadly this is true - the perpetrators of heinous crimes can 'play the system' at will. I certainly don't feel this is fair to either his many victims or the people of D&G who were basically duped by a supposedly 'respectable senior police officer' spectacularly abusing his position to the detriment of many people.
This whole situation all seems quite incredible when so many offences were committed whilst this 'man' was on duty in the name of upholding the law for the citizens of D&G. A job the dedicated and hard working special constables did at that time for no financial reward, yet taking on all the same risks and responsibilities of full-time police officers.
I've had an interesting comment land in my mailbox from somebody who had read a previous post on this subject and his comment is this:
I must say I echo your sentiments............It seems extraordinary that he is actually being funded from the public purse to get the public to pay for his crimes.
Prison is an entirely voluntary institution and anyone going to prison has forfeited any human rights.........The only thing I would say is that his family might have a case for suing him for the loss of their rights..........However, since they have proven themselves to be ar*es of the highest order with a level of self deception that beggars belief........I wonder what the reaction might be if all his victims brought a civil action against him for compensation..........that would certainly negate any award he might get...........
You know..............There are times when it really does seem that the lunatics have taken over the asylum..........
Peter
These are the exact words received by this blog reader called Peter. I reckon he is probably a D&G resident and is most obviously extremely miffed at what is, for most of us, the abuse of public money, probably the abuse of his money too.
In the timing of the start of Carruthers' latest legal proceedings came a huge irony; the tenth anniversary of his suspension from duty as a police inspector. A day I will never forget. A day that lead me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life to escape his threatening phone call about what would happen to me if I spoke out. It was followed, not by my suicide as I had intended and which seemed like my only option, but by a string of coincidences. The result of those, being given shelter in a 'safe house' for many months and providing endless statements to a number of officials going over and over what happened to me at the hands of Carruthers. The result of the trial is history.
Well, that's enough for my first update after too long a break from the blog, but hopefully there will be more posts coming soon about burning issues and events that are of note.
So much has happened in the last few weeks I hardly know where to start to update blog followers.
The latest Carruthers related court case, which started on 27th November, is for the reinstatement of his full pension rights; a battle in which serial rapist and sex offender Adam Carruthers has been granted up to £100,000 of legal aid. Aye, that's one heck of a lot of money - decent folks money. Carruthers is apparently citing 'family hardship' if he only gets a pension equivalent to the money he paid in. That is how it stands for him at present - around £6,000 a year or 35% of the norm for a non-offending officer of the rank he attained before dismissal from the force.
The result of this court case? Well there isn't one as yet. The next hearing of the case is scheduled for 29th January 2009, once again at Dumfries Sheriff Court ....more of which to come later on the subject, but for now:
1. D&G Council tax payers money is paying to defend this action.
2. Those who pay income tax are also funding yet another legal action by Carruthers by providing money for his costs through legal aid.
Why not you might say - that's the current system and he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. Sadly this is true - the perpetrators of heinous crimes can 'play the system' at will. I certainly don't feel this is fair to either his many victims or the people of D&G who were basically duped by a supposedly 'respectable senior police officer' spectacularly abusing his position to the detriment of many people.
This whole situation all seems quite incredible when so many offences were committed whilst this 'man' was on duty in the name of upholding the law for the citizens of D&G. A job the dedicated and hard working special constables did at that time for no financial reward, yet taking on all the same risks and responsibilities of full-time police officers.
I've had an interesting comment land in my mailbox from somebody who had read a previous post on this subject and his comment is this:
I must say I echo your sentiments............It seems extraordinary that he is actually being funded from the public purse to get the public to pay for his crimes.
Prison is an entirely voluntary institution and anyone going to prison has forfeited any human rights.........The only thing I would say is that his family might have a case for suing him for the loss of their rights..........However, since they have proven themselves to be ar*es of the highest order with a level of self deception that beggars belief........I wonder what the reaction might be if all his victims brought a civil action against him for compensation..........that would certainly negate any award he might get...........
You know..............There are times when it really does seem that the lunatics have taken over the asylum..........
Peter
These are the exact words received by this blog reader called Peter. I reckon he is probably a D&G resident and is most obviously extremely miffed at what is, for most of us, the abuse of public money, probably the abuse of his money too.
In the timing of the start of Carruthers' latest legal proceedings came a huge irony; the tenth anniversary of his suspension from duty as a police inspector. A day I will never forget. A day that lead me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life to escape his threatening phone call about what would happen to me if I spoke out. It was followed, not by my suicide as I had intended and which seemed like my only option, but by a string of coincidences. The result of those, being given shelter in a 'safe house' for many months and providing endless statements to a number of officials going over and over what happened to me at the hands of Carruthers. The result of the trial is history.
Well, that's enough for my first update after too long a break from the blog, but hopefully there will be more posts coming soon about burning issues and events that are of note.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Compounding errors
There’s been a lot of activity in the press on the subject of convicted rape cop Adam Carruthers in the last few days. On Friday of last week, the Daily Record published a piece about how Carruthers, in a job application, said he left the police force "due to issues out with my control." It seems this man won’t tell the truth and won’t accept that he is a serial sex offender who has serious behavioural problems which eventually, thankfully culminated in his prison sentence and now, sadly, his automatic release from prison under licence.
On Saturday the Daily Record printed an article about this blog. I didn’t see either of these articles in print, but as usual, accessed my news online. It’s the way I get most of my news. Using online news facilities means I don’t have to go out and face the world when I don’t feel up to it, which is most of the time.
Today the Dumfries and Galloway Standard have printed a piece about the blog and the use of tax payers money that Carruthers has at his disposal to fight for his full pension. Such a horrible event for all of his many victims who I think may all come from D&G. Many of them, like me, will be council tax payers.
So compound errors? Carruthers obviously still won’t accept responsibility for his crimes, which continues to leave him as a serious danger and risk to the public and to any community he frequents. The articles in the press state that "I have waived my right to anonymity." Well that is only 'sort of,' in that I allowed my photograph to be taken for articles at the time of the release of Carruthers with strict conditions on their use, or lack of use in the future. I’ve given a name too, but no more than that. Why? I’ve not done anything wrong, I’ve nothing to be ashamed of in what somebody decided to do to me. One important thing I do have to consider is the effect on my family; once again this is a difficult time for them in so many ways.
A rape victim has all control taken from them at the time of an attack. If they report to the police and pursue the attack through the courts, then control is continually lost as the process and the courts dictate procedures .......and so it goes on. Keeping control is a really important issue for most victims of rape and serious sexual assaults. Hence my mixed feelings about the 'balance' in the reporting of some issues I’ve raised in this blog. Journalists, like many writers, might only take edited portions of words said or words printed. Sadly this doesn’t always give the full picture or errors are either compounded by a lack of research or repeating errors previously made.
Why am I feeling slightly aggrieved about this? Because, importantly, the decent people who are tax payers are losers in money dished out by the Legal Aid Board, so are the many victims in the issues raised by Carruthers constant attempts to say “I didn’t do it,” “I want my full pension,” and “I want compensation for having to slop out in prison.” I would argue that when he committed the crimes, he of all people knew what the consequences of getting caught would be.
So far Carruthers has already used over £110,000 of tax payers’ money given from legal aid. Now he has been given up to another £100,000 to fight for his full pension and apparently he’s got yet another application in the pipeline for yet more legal issues he wishes to pursue.
When is the line drawn? It doesn’t seem to be with this man and he’s simply 'playing the system' we have in place. There is just one thick line for the victims with just one chance to give your evidence in court and coping with that was extremely hard with your attacker sitting close by in the dock. Is this constant pursuit against ‘unwelcome decisions’ by a criminal just and respectful for the law abiding citizens, tax payers and council tax payers? How this money could be put to much better use. The rape crisis centres would be extremely grateful for a fraction of this amount of money as they try to work on shoestring budgets and they save lives - the lives of victims like me.
Thankfully many aspects of the investigation and court process are changing from the time when the Carruthers case went to court and there is good news on that front. Forty of the fifty recommendations made in the “Review of the Investigation and Prosecution of Sexual Offences in Scotland,” published by the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service in June 2006 have been implemented.
The use tax payers money for legal aid for criminals chasing the things they lost the right to by committing crimes is something that I urge you to consider carefully and to pursue with your MSP if you also think it is not a fair system when a convicted criminal can’t seem to get the answers he apparently desires, no matter how many times he might try.
Now, where and when is that line going to be drawn?
On Saturday the Daily Record printed an article about this blog. I didn’t see either of these articles in print, but as usual, accessed my news online. It’s the way I get most of my news. Using online news facilities means I don’t have to go out and face the world when I don’t feel up to it, which is most of the time.
Today the Dumfries and Galloway Standard have printed a piece about the blog and the use of tax payers money that Carruthers has at his disposal to fight for his full pension. Such a horrible event for all of his many victims who I think may all come from D&G. Many of them, like me, will be council tax payers.
So compound errors? Carruthers obviously still won’t accept responsibility for his crimes, which continues to leave him as a serious danger and risk to the public and to any community he frequents. The articles in the press state that "I have waived my right to anonymity." Well that is only 'sort of,' in that I allowed my photograph to be taken for articles at the time of the release of Carruthers with strict conditions on their use, or lack of use in the future. I’ve given a name too, but no more than that. Why? I’ve not done anything wrong, I’ve nothing to be ashamed of in what somebody decided to do to me. One important thing I do have to consider is the effect on my family; once again this is a difficult time for them in so many ways.
A rape victim has all control taken from them at the time of an attack. If they report to the police and pursue the attack through the courts, then control is continually lost as the process and the courts dictate procedures .......and so it goes on. Keeping control is a really important issue for most victims of rape and serious sexual assaults. Hence my mixed feelings about the 'balance' in the reporting of some issues I’ve raised in this blog. Journalists, like many writers, might only take edited portions of words said or words printed. Sadly this doesn’t always give the full picture or errors are either compounded by a lack of research or repeating errors previously made.
Why am I feeling slightly aggrieved about this? Because, importantly, the decent people who are tax payers are losers in money dished out by the Legal Aid Board, so are the many victims in the issues raised by Carruthers constant attempts to say “I didn’t do it,” “I want my full pension,” and “I want compensation for having to slop out in prison.” I would argue that when he committed the crimes, he of all people knew what the consequences of getting caught would be.
So far Carruthers has already used over £110,000 of tax payers’ money given from legal aid. Now he has been given up to another £100,000 to fight for his full pension and apparently he’s got yet another application in the pipeline for yet more legal issues he wishes to pursue.
When is the line drawn? It doesn’t seem to be with this man and he’s simply 'playing the system' we have in place. There is just one thick line for the victims with just one chance to give your evidence in court and coping with that was extremely hard with your attacker sitting close by in the dock. Is this constant pursuit against ‘unwelcome decisions’ by a criminal just and respectful for the law abiding citizens, tax payers and council tax payers? How this money could be put to much better use. The rape crisis centres would be extremely grateful for a fraction of this amount of money as they try to work on shoestring budgets and they save lives - the lives of victims like me.
Thankfully many aspects of the investigation and court process are changing from the time when the Carruthers case went to court and there is good news on that front. Forty of the fifty recommendations made in the “Review of the Investigation and Prosecution of Sexual Offences in Scotland,” published by the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service in June 2006 have been implemented.
The use tax payers money for legal aid for criminals chasing the things they lost the right to by committing crimes is something that I urge you to consider carefully and to pursue with your MSP if you also think it is not a fair system when a convicted criminal can’t seem to get the answers he apparently desires, no matter how many times he might try.
Now, where and when is that line going to be drawn?
Monday, 27 October 2008
The time of year
I'd got loads of things lined up in my mind to follow up on the blog since my last entry and none of them have sprung into reality. It's just like me. No action. Feel ....well actually I feel very little. Sometimes I feel nothing bar an emptiness and a heavy head.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Sunday papers start my campaign
I've thought long and hard about keeping my right to anonymity. I've nothing to be ashamed of but I accept there are some strange people out there. I've only surrendered my image, not my real name. Today there are articles in the press that I've spent the last week on getting together with freelance journalist Marcello Mega; a man who has the very best of motives. He similarly sees unrepentant serial sex offenders being released back into the community as a recipe for disaster. Ex-police inspector and serial sex offender Adam Carruthers, was released from prison on 12th September 2008, having served just over seven years of his sentence.
My motives are to help others to see that I am an ordinary woman who certainly didn't ask for what happened to my life and to the way it's afffected the family and friends I love. I am appalled at current legislation letting such dangerous people back into our communities at automatic two-thirds sentence stage when it is recognised that they still pose a serious threat to women. These deserve longer sentences and should only be released when they show positive stages of rehabilitation, remorse and a desire to change their ways. This man was let back into the community with very strict licence conditions. So much so that he can't be alone with a single woman not a relative. I believe there are also tight monitoring and surveillance measures on him - so why was he released when considered so dangerous? Because that is the current legislation.
The senior policeman who attacked me was found to have raped, assaulted or stalked 38 women over a 20 year period by the Lothian and Borders Police investigation. I know, as many others do, this figure is 'tip of the iceberg.' I have become aware of other victims since my case was taken seriously and it grieves me that people have died as a result of the actions of Carruthers and there was a failure for women to be protected by the very justice system that should protect all citizens. Lord Dawson was right:
Carruthers was "a total disgrace to the uniform he wore."
The late Lord Dawson went on to say:
"I cannot express the revulsion and contempt with which decent members of society regard you."
I believed in the police and true justice when I worked voluntarily as a special constable, serving as many as 12 hours of my free time each week for my local communities. I enjoyed the work mostly. Drunks on a weekend were a pain, but to be able to help people in distress was something that I could do. To help people in those circumstances was a pleasure, and still is, albeit I'm no longer in the special constabulary or fit to do much of use to society.
The rape has taken the issue of trust away from me. I am only just starting to see that the police force in my area is now far more professional and accountable than it was ten years ago. This is one very good thing to come from the case of rogue cop Adam Carruthers.
So many women were badly let down by the justice system in the case of Adam Carruthers. Myself and two other women had our days in court, but I really feel for those who were not give that opportunity. I can't imagine how they must feel about that lack of justice after such major incidents in their lives.
What I want is change to this legislation and changes to how many people see rape and sexual assualt. If you feel as I do - please contact your MSP and let them know how you feel. You can do this by email, in person, by letter or by telephone. Your local MSP's details are available online, in libraries in Citizens Advice Bureaus and in other places.
If you are a woman who was attacked by this man or another man, I really feel for you. I'm sad that something so devastating and terrible has disrupted your life and I understand the complex issues that rape and sexual assault brings up in your whole life. If you live in Dumfries and Galloway then there is the local South West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre on 01387 253113 or online at swrcandsac@btconnect.com They saved my life and I will always be so grateful to them for the help that they gave me in some of my darkest moments. If you're not from D&G then there are other centres and National Rape Crisis Network as well as local Women' Aid centres. Please don't be alone with your thoughts and bottle them up. As I know, it's not healthy and has led to PTSD and depression in my case.
If you wish to talk your case over with the police, it's a personal decision and only you will know if it's right for you. I do know they will listen and will take you seriously, especially if you are from D&G. I eventually did speak out when I thought there was a real chance of proving the deviousness and depravity of this so called 'respectable senior cop' and despite all the hard times, I'm pleased I did - even if it only helped remove a serial sex offender from our streets for 7 years and 4 months. It was something.
I was once told;
"all it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
My motives are to help others to see that I am an ordinary woman who certainly didn't ask for what happened to my life and to the way it's afffected the family and friends I love. I am appalled at current legislation letting such dangerous people back into our communities at automatic two-thirds sentence stage when it is recognised that they still pose a serious threat to women. These deserve longer sentences and should only be released when they show positive stages of rehabilitation, remorse and a desire to change their ways. This man was let back into the community with very strict licence conditions. So much so that he can't be alone with a single woman not a relative. I believe there are also tight monitoring and surveillance measures on him - so why was he released when considered so dangerous? Because that is the current legislation.
The senior policeman who attacked me was found to have raped, assaulted or stalked 38 women over a 20 year period by the Lothian and Borders Police investigation. I know, as many others do, this figure is 'tip of the iceberg.' I have become aware of other victims since my case was taken seriously and it grieves me that people have died as a result of the actions of Carruthers and there was a failure for women to be protected by the very justice system that should protect all citizens. Lord Dawson was right:
Carruthers was "a total disgrace to the uniform he wore."
The late Lord Dawson went on to say:
"I cannot express the revulsion and contempt with which decent members of society regard you."
I believed in the police and true justice when I worked voluntarily as a special constable, serving as many as 12 hours of my free time each week for my local communities. I enjoyed the work mostly. Drunks on a weekend were a pain, but to be able to help people in distress was something that I could do. To help people in those circumstances was a pleasure, and still is, albeit I'm no longer in the special constabulary or fit to do much of use to society.
The rape has taken the issue of trust away from me. I am only just starting to see that the police force in my area is now far more professional and accountable than it was ten years ago. This is one very good thing to come from the case of rogue cop Adam Carruthers.
So many women were badly let down by the justice system in the case of Adam Carruthers. Myself and two other women had our days in court, but I really feel for those who were not give that opportunity. I can't imagine how they must feel about that lack of justice after such major incidents in their lives.
What I want is change to this legislation and changes to how many people see rape and sexual assualt. If you feel as I do - please contact your MSP and let them know how you feel. You can do this by email, in person, by letter or by telephone. Your local MSP's details are available online, in libraries in Citizens Advice Bureaus and in other places.
If you are a woman who was attacked by this man or another man, I really feel for you. I'm sad that something so devastating and terrible has disrupted your life and I understand the complex issues that rape and sexual assault brings up in your whole life. If you live in Dumfries and Galloway then there is the local South West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre on 01387 253113 or online at swrcandsac@btconnect.com They saved my life and I will always be so grateful to them for the help that they gave me in some of my darkest moments. If you're not from D&G then there are other centres and National Rape Crisis Network as well as local Women' Aid centres. Please don't be alone with your thoughts and bottle them up. As I know, it's not healthy and has led to PTSD and depression in my case.
If you wish to talk your case over with the police, it's a personal decision and only you will know if it's right for you. I do know they will listen and will take you seriously, especially if you are from D&G. I eventually did speak out when I thought there was a real chance of proving the deviousness and depravity of this so called 'respectable senior cop' and despite all the hard times, I'm pleased I did - even if it only helped remove a serial sex offender from our streets for 7 years and 4 months. It was something.
I was once told;
"all it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
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