My council tax for a rapists pension? NO WAY

Crumbs. This is a really hard slog for me, but the brilliance of friends helping to get things on the go for the protest tomorrow morning at 10a.m is magical and so heartening. Special thanks to Eryl and Stevie, Carolyn, Cello, Liz, Iraina and Mo to name but a few.

This campaign isn't about me, just a woman who was brutally raped by ex-senior cop Carruthers in her own home one October afternoon. NO, this is far more than that dreadful afternoon and all the horrors of trying to get justice in court against a senior police officer.

This pension protest affects so many people:
council tax payers in Dumfries and Galloway
income tax payers
future victims of heinous crimes
the perpetrators who think they can 'milk the system' no matter what

Today I was interviewed by a lovely reporter, Helen Pearson, and filmed by a young chap called Ben for ITV Border News for their news programmes tomorrow. Ben did a lovely job of silhouetting me according to my carer - but I couldn't see how it looked as I had to sit tight whilst the whole thing was set up. I have to think of family, of friends and of course there is the safety issue. We filmed courtesy of the Rape Crisis centre in Dumfries. They then interviewed Iraina, the head of the centre and the woman who ten years ago quite literally saved my life.

Brilliant journalist and friend Marcello Mega has come up with some horrifying stats to show the inequalities between victims and perpetrators. To date, before Carruthers got legal aid for his pension, he has received £110,395 in legal aid for his trial and attempts at appeals. He automatically qualifies for £2,100 for 'slopping out' whilst in jail. He chose to go to jail as he chose to rape and abuse women during his career in the police.

So Marcello's comparative figures show that the South-West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre in Dumfries received less money than Carruthers has had to date in legal aid for keeping the service going last year. SWRC&SAC counselled 199 people last year. That is with the help and generosity of their trained and dedicated volunteers. They save lives. People are destroyed by rape and sexual assault. Rape crisis centres help victims to pick up the pieces, help with the head spinning that comes as us victims try to sort out why and what and blame and changes in behaviour as all victims have to come to terms with when confronted with such dreadful attacks.

So let me put this another way:
Carruthers, the perpetrator £111,395+£2,100 v.s.
SW rape crisis centre and 199 people helped on less money.I can see there is no way the two equate and now .....Carruthers is apparently allowed around £100,000 of legal aid to fight for a pension which would make rape a pensionable occupation. Can you see my blood boiling at this inequality?

What does it mean:
it won't help rape/sexual assault victims want to come forward
the pitiful 2.9% conviction rate for reported rapes won't increase
it doesn't give out a helpful message to perpetrators

Worst of all, the many Carruthers victims are helping him to fight this through their income and council tax so it's a double whammy.
as Eryl said on her blog - ENOUGH.

So tomorrow is another day,
one of protest,
a reporter and film crew for an interview for BBC TV's Reporting Scotland,
a radio interview for BBC Good Morning Scotland going out at around 8.15 a.m.
one where there won't be a decision on the pension after all,
but I hope more people will become aware at the inequalities between victims and perpetrators and find out how their taxes are being used.

ENOUGH - but more from me soon!

At our expense

Firstly apologies for the lack of posts on the blog. Hitting a stane dyke and being in the shadow of a huge black dog pursuing my every move is one way of describing how I've been feeling. This is often a very hard time of year for me. Made harder this year by the release of Carruthers, by his latest legal bids and recently by my carer being stuck in by snow and then ice for 10 days. I didn't do much of a job of trying to look after myself properly. The lack of access to medics due to snow and ice and their ill health also hasn't helped me to cope. I am a proud person and I'm not good at asking for help. I was offered an appointment with a male doctor but I know I wouldn't cope with that without my carer and how could I even start to explain the scenario in my allotted time? The practice has just asked patients to make sure their allocated time slots don't run over to reduce the time others spend in the waiting room.

So much has happened in the last few weeks I hardly know where to start to update blog followers.

The latest Carruthers related court case, which started on 27th November, is for the reinstatement of his full pension rights; a battle in which serial rapist and sex offender Adam Carruthers has been granted up to £100,000 of legal aid. Aye, that's one heck of a lot of money - decent folks money. Carruthers is apparently citing 'family hardship' if he only gets a pension equivalent to the money he paid in. That is how it stands for him at present - around £6,000 a year or 35% of the norm for a non-offending officer of the rank he attained before dismissal from the force.

The result of this court case? Well there isn't one as yet. The next hearing of the case is scheduled for 29th January 2009, once again at Dumfries Sheriff Court ....more of which to come later on the subject, but for now:
1. D&G Council tax payers money is paying to defend this action.
2. Those who pay income tax are also funding yet another legal action by Carruthers by providing money for his costs through legal aid.

Why not you might say - that's the current system and he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. Sadly this is true - the perpetrators of heinous crimes can 'play the system' at will. I certainly don't feel this is fair to either his many victims or the people of D&G who were basically duped by a supposedly 'respectable senior police officer' spectacularly abusing his position to the detriment of many people.
This whole situation all seems quite incredible when so many offences were committed whilst this 'man' was on duty in the name of upholding the law for the citizens of D&G. A job the dedicated and hard working special constables did at that time for no financial reward, yet taking on all the same risks and responsibilities of full-time police officers.

I've had an interesting comment land in my mailbox from somebody who had read a previous post on this subject and his comment is this:

I must say I echo your sentiments............It seems extraordinary that he is actually being funded from the public purse to get the public to pay for his crimes.
Prison is an entirely voluntary institution and anyone going to prison has forfeited any human rights.........The only thing I would say is that his family might have a case for suing him for the loss of their rights..........However, since they have proven themselves to be ar*es of the highest order with a level of self deception that beggars belief........I wonder what the reaction might be if all his victims brought a civil action against him for compensation..........that would certainly negate any award he might get...........
You know..............There are times when it really does seem that the lunatics have taken over the asylum..........
Peter

These are the exact words received by this blog reader called Peter. I reckon he is probably a D&G resident and is most obviously extremely miffed at what is, for most of us, the abuse of public money, probably the abuse of his money too.

In the timing of the start of Carruthers' latest legal proceedings came a huge irony; the tenth anniversary of his suspension from duty as a police inspector. A day I will never forget. A day that lead me to make one of the hardest decisions of my life to escape his threatening phone call about what would happen to me if I spoke out. It was followed, not by my suicide as I had intended and which seemed like my only option, but by a string of coincidences. The result of those, being given shelter in a 'safe house' for many months and providing endless statements to a number of officials going over and over what happened to me at the hands of Carruthers. The result of the trial is history.

Well, that's enough for my first update after too long a break from the blog, but hopefully there will be more posts coming soon about burning issues and events that are of note.

White Ribbon Campaign Day & Week

It's been a busy week and today it's White Ribbon Day which starts off a week or more of men pledging not to commit, condone or to remain silent about violence to women. It's a fantastic campaign and if you're not familiar with it, I urge you to have a look at my blog post on the 8th November and follow the link to the WRC website or the link in the right hand column under the red title header of campaigning.

I was really heartened to read the BBC South of Scotland online news and to see that Deputy Chief Constable George Graham of Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary is fully supporting the campaign and asking other men to do the same. The police attend many incidents of domestic violence and of course, there is their own ex-police inspector Adam Caruthers who was guilty of rapes and sexual assaults and many more victims were identified who suffered at the hands of Carruthers over a 20 year period. Is this another real step forward from the old 'male-dominated macho police culture' that was very evident and shocked me when I first joined the Special Constabulary? For me, I see WRC and the police's support for the campaign today as very positive and progressive. Well done to D&G Police.

What is especially interesting is that my blog was picked up on by some of the local papers last week and one newspaper group, the Dumfriesshire News Group, concentrated on my post about the White Ribbon Campaign and on my support for it. They published articles on the WRC and on the case of Adam Carruthers. Then the news of the D&G Constabulary support for WRC today. How the word spreads and all for the greater good. I hope this all makes men think about the actions of other men, or indeed to think about their own actions, even if that is about condoning or remainging silent about such dreadful behaviour that affects the lives of women.

I was proud to wear a white ribbon today, as I have done since it arrived in the post a couple of weeks ago. My carer also asked me for a white ribbon and she has been wearing it proudly and telling people what it's all about. This isn't about gender, but it is about violence and sadly the fact is that men are the main perpetrators of violence toward women.

A stark fact from WRC: violence against women causes more deaths and disability women in the 15 - 44 age group than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war. That shocked me - does it shock you?

As WRC say,
men can work to change behaviour that is both emotionally and physically violent to create a world that is based on gender equality."

Please show your support. Wear a white ribbon and support the campaign. Please donate to WRC if you can afford to - the money goes towards helping women's aid and rape crisis charities who deal with the aftermath of male violence against women.

Pre-conceived ideas aren't good ideas

Sometimes there are those weird pieces of synchronicity, if you believe such a thing exists. An email came through last week about a visiting writer .....and yes, it really was time I got out of the house, faced the outside world and did something for me. Yesterday I went to a talk with my long-suffering, but thankfully, interested in literature carer. It was given by Scottish writer Ewan Morrison. I’d read about his books and to be honest I thought, this really isn’t going to be my thing. Not sex and relationships and as for the idea of his novel 'Swung.' No I thought, this is not for me, but then I'd not read either of his books. However, I’ve found that listening to writers speak about their process is fascinating, gems can come out of these encounters and Ewan was to hold a master class afterwards and my name was down for it.

I’m eager to learn more about writing. I started to write because I needed to. It was my only way of expressing my hurt; my outrage; the bottling up that was waiting to burst; the things I couldn’t say to people; the time after my fluency had left me and my stuttering was really bad and words went AWOL when I tried to engage in conversation, which to be honest was as little as possible.

My writing from that period is not aired and I have it filed away. The only exception being some poetry from that early venture I made into writing which was taken by the police as evidence for the trial against Carruthers. The officers said it was so strong and that it gave compelling evidence that something drastic had gone wrong in my life and that it was caused by a man and heavily indicated what the event was. Drastic it was and yes, life had gone very wrong, that bast..d had raped me and he was a senior policeman. My beliefs and ideas on trust had been blasted into oblivion in around half an hour of sheer hell. Then there was the head injury and my life took a further nose dive.

We arrived early. I got pick of the chairs and we went into a corner at the back where I felt safest. Ewan Morrison wasn’t what I was expecting. Pre-conceived ideas? No Jane, you should have learnt by now that you don’t have pre-conceived ideas; you take things and take people as you find them. If people I meet seem open, honest, kind, up-front that’s great. If they’re any of the negative things then time to buzz off. The man was a delightful character, showed a warm personality in front of his audience.

Ewan’s reading was superb. Not all sex, rampant hormones, and, after hearing his 15 minute extract, certainly not what I thought it would be. He explored an amazing array of issues from one small part of his novel “Distance.” His reading voice was good; it was clear, intonation great. There was a chance at the end for a Q&A session before the master class.

I had a question. I tried to keep it in my head, not be side tracked by other questions and Ewan’s answers. My short-term memory can be such a pain. I managed to pluck up the courage to ask about his process and just got in with the final question. Fascinating answer about the way he doesn’t want to overly analyse his work or else he thinks he’ll be scuppered (at that point I glanced at a university lecturer who is a specialist in critical writing analysis.) Ewan spoke about his way of exploring ideas and working in beginnings, middles and ends right though his work until it builds up into a composite volume.

The master class followed a short coffee break. Great to have this chance in one way I thought as I do need to improve my writing (even if only for the sake of campaigning), but I always get really nervous about this sort of thing. It can be a real exposure of your inner self and although I knew all bar one of the participants there is that inner fear lurking inside me. Ewan discussed beginnings; we looked at some examples of how writers have started novels, he spoke of the three W’s and ‘Chekov’s window.’ Fascinating stuff. Then the exercise, except it didn’t happen. He set us the exercise to be emailed to him, if we wanted to do it. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d do it and the issue of ‘want to’ didn’t come into it. With no time to do the exercise Ewan planned for it was on to the ‘book game.’ I suddenly remembered that I’d played this fun and intriguing game years ago in a wee bothy on Mull when the rain hit the windows hard and horizontally one evening. I got home enthused by the mixture of ideas whizzing round in my head. The tape I had from the master class was helpful to listen to bits of. I’ve downloaded it and will play it again when there’s more time.

I looked up more about Ewan on the net at http://ewanmorrison.com/ and it seems there is a lot more to him than the subjects of his novels suggest. For goodness sake, why shouldn’t there be? I found an article he’d written for The Guardian on stuttering. He wrote about how trauma can start it off and how the discussion rages on about the “why of stuttering.” Ewan was a stutterer, so was his father. The extract he’d read to us, a father shouting to his stammering boy on Arthur’s Seat. It all made sense. That’s how Ewan knew so much about stuttering. He’d been through it. The agonies of not being able to say what you want to say, of feeling the word forming, hearing the word in your mind, but the word won’t come out. Crumbs, how did he cope with me in his master class? Was I an awful reminder of his years of stuttering? I hope not. My speech is much improved from the initial head injury, but I have good days and not so good days and yesterday wasn’t the most fluent day. I’ve got to the stage where I can read my poetry fluently, but it takes a lot of hard work. Stress, being tired, my brain slows and then everything goes downhill; the concentration, the clumsiness and the frustration of non-fluent speech and the crappy communication.

Meeting Ewan was helpful to meet to me as a ‘wanna-be’ writer; learning about some of his processes in writing; the master class exercise, the 'book game' and the nuggets from his writing life experiences were all so stimulating. I found today that there was more to him, the ex-stutterer, the man who overcame his barrier and now …..a man who has the most amazing critiques of his novels that, to be honest, I can probably only ever dream about. So often I’ve thought of writing a book about the last dozen years of my life. For now I’m mostly sticking with poetry and writing for campaigning and this baby blog. Poetry suits my attention span and my joy at playing with words in short pieces. Maybe, maybe one day the book on Jane Dearie’s disastrous meeting will be written.

Magazine article

As it came towards the automatic early release of Carruthers from jail, I was asked if I'd do a couple of newspaper articles and an article for a magazine. I'm afraid to say I'd not heard of 'Pick Me Up' before. I really don't get out much these days! The magazine with the article on my dreadful encounter with Adam Carruthers was published this last Thursday (16th October), in Issue 42. My carer got me a copy of it on Friday but I simply can't bring myself to read it through. I know it tells the awful tale and the headline on the front is "tortured and raped by my boss." Sadly what it doesn't say on the front cover is that he was a cop on duty and in uniform when it happened.

The interview was done over the phone after an earlier interview I did with friend and trusted journalist Marcello Mega. After consulting my family, I made the difficult decision to give up my image but not my full identity and anonyimty. He had stories in the Sunday Mail and the Mail on Sunday a couple of days after the release of Carruthers. The interview was really hard to do. A woman I'd never spoken to before, I couldn't see her face, she couldn't see mine - thankfully. She read it all back to me. It nearly creased me; the tears ran down my face as she was reading it back and I found I went into a downward spiral for days afterwards.

So why do it? Why put myself through this? The reason is that it will make people think about rape, the after-effects and the issues - or so I hope. The publication of the PMU article wonderfully coincides with the Rape Crisis Scotland campaign, "this is not an invitation to rape me," which was launched this very same week. They now have a live website at www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk and I would urge you to look at it. It challenges the myths that women are somehow asking to be raped for reasons of dress, drink, intimacy, relationships. One day, heaven forbid, you might be a juror in a rape trial - how would you react to these questions that the defence will throw at you about the victim?
There are other less important reasons for doing this article, less important than the reason I'm campaigning for changes in the way victims are treated, but ones that people might like to think about. It will go some way to pay for the extra security - new doors, new windows with multiple locking points and the CCTV that has had to put around my house to fulfill the police security survey on the property. This has run into many thousands of pounds. It of course nowhere near meets these bills, but for my mother it is of paramount importance to her that I am as safe as possible and so the work has had to be done. The poor woman has gone through hell and still does with everything that has happened to me. As she approaches 80, it's not what I want for her, or for any decent person. She's a very generous and kindly soul and I'm not saying that because she's my Mum, but she is very special. Others who read this blog and know her will I'm sure agree whole heartedly. I hate the ripple effect of crime. Sadly there has been nothing I can do about it to protect the people I really love and care about.

There is a weird juxtaposition of headlines on the front cover of the magazine. Some that highlight what turns a woman on, having a monster mouth, a wife swap, the shape of a bloke's penis and then ......the article about Carruthers heinous actions. Somehow it seems strange to me, but the magazine caters for their readership and they obviously like the good, bad and the simply weird stories.

Will this article do any good for the campaigning of how rape victims are treated? Will it raise the abysmal 2.9% conviction rate of rape cases that go to court in Scotland? Marcello has told me that the article been taken up by Jeremy Kyle in the "Jeremy's Judgement" section of the magazine, so perhaps that shows the relevance of the issues involved. There is apparently also comment from a psychologist about the deviant behaviour of Carruthers .....so who knows the outcome and the impact. It's like any campaign, you put in everything you're mentally and physically able to in order to raise awareness and, for me, I just hope that there will be benefits for those who will sadly follow in the future. Rape destroys lives.

On a pouring wet day

After the late night phone call and the techie lingo I didn't understand I phoned Serco in the morning as I said I'd do and found out that the battery was low in the PID ....his PID. I still wasn't sure what a PID was but guessed it had to be the tag. "Am I covered then?" Yes I was but they needed to change his PID and liked to do that the next day.
So I had very little sleep overnight, the PTSD had predictably really kicked in after the phone call and it was absolutely chucking it down and some poor woman wants to come down to visit asap - and that has to be today if at all possible. I explained that I had to be at my carers for lunch and would be going out later with my carer so it had to be before 2.30 and not at lunchtime. The intrusion of the early release of Carruthers is a pain, but that's the price for a victim to be protected.
Eventually after a lot of calls from this poor woman on her mobile (until she ran out of her network coverage) and after a satnav taking her up dirt tracks and all sorts of places that were not the right places, she finally arrived. The most drookit looking wee soul in a dark jacket covered with water just from getting her work bag from her car to my door. The rain was relentless and unforgiving of anything in it's descent from the sky. I think she was surprised anybody lived in this area. Maybe not what she was used to? It's definitely not 'urban' where I live.
What a lovely woman. Instantly kind and caring, she explained all the lingo that will make life easier for me if this ever happens again. I saw her making up a tag. Oh, oh, she's not expecting me to have that thing on? No, I had to take it to every room in the house, including putting it in the cast iron bath to see if that picked up a signal on the black hand-held unit she had by my black box. Then my turn to get waterproofs on and take the tag for a walk outside. Finally all set up and that was it. Job done. She left in the wind and rain at 2.30.
With a helpful cheery woman from Serco who explained what she was doing I felt slightly less miffed than I had done the night before at 10.29. I did raise the issue of Serco making late calls to me though and she saw for herself how jumpy I am when the phone rings when she had to 'force' the machine to set off so that the centre calls back. Yes, phones really do that to me.
I couldn't believe that of all the days she had to come on a really terrible one with a massive surplus of both wind and rain. The river was soon raging, the roads were like rivers, yet the day before it had been beautiful. Today has been sunny, even slightly warm, and that poor kind soul had to come out on one of the wettest days that we've had for a while, and that's saying something after this summer. If only she'd seen the beauty of the area ....but the cloud wasn't showing her any of that. And she said she was on her day off, but came down so that I would know at least one person I would be speaking to if there were problems. "Just get in touch hen, it's nae bother" she said in her broad Glasgow accent.
She was surprised I wasn't more annoyed and hadn't complained more about the phone ringing it's phantom ting any hour of the night and day. Said she would be really mad. Yes, it is more than annoying but hopefully that will be sorted out when a Serco line expert comes middle of the week. I'm fingers crossed he'll have the magic solution which BT didn't. The important thing is that the monitoring system is doing its job. .....and as if on cue, just as I'm about to publish this post, the phone rings .....once.