The decision of the Sheriff

I was rather weary when I came home today but a wet day suddenly brightened when I opened a series of emails in my inbox from members of the press.

The written decision of the Sheriff who presided over the case in which serial rapist Adam Carruthers had taken against Dumfries and Galloway Council, his previous employers, was made public today. This decision is the result of the three day debate held at Dumfries Sheriff Court in June.

So the decision ......Carruthers bid to have the right to his full police pension re-instated has been denied. This is the most sensible piece of news that could come out of the case where income tax and council tax payers money footed Carruthers' legal aid bill for his attempt to get his full police pension re-instated.

Had Carruthers been successful in this ridiculous quest it would have given the potential for any employee who had committed rape (or any other serious criminal offences) through the course of their employment able to claim and receive their full pension - thus making rape a pensionable occupation.

I'm sure I don't have to spell out how dreadful such a decision would have been and what message it would give out to the perpetrators of such heinous crimes as well as to their victims.

Of course, after the last 12 years of Carruthers many legal appeals and actions I will not be surprised if he appeals this decision if he can. Time will tell.

To all of the wonderful people who stood outside Dumfries Sheriff Court and protested against this action of a devious serial sex offender, to those of you who wrote letters, contacted MSP's, ministers, councillors and other relevant people and supported a campaign for common sense and justice please accept a MASSIVE THANK YOU from me for your efforts. I'm only one of the rape victims of rape cop Adam Carruthers but I'm sure other victims and their friends and families are also grateful to you for your work with the campaign. Thank you!

After the debate?

A three day debate was held at Dumfries Sheriff Court at the end of June. Many decent people stood outside the court outraged by the actions of a convicted serial rapist ex-police inspector who's trying to regain his full police pension. The sob story he's used about his two sons ...well the boys are victims too - both now 'grown up,' as in over the age of 18. These lads are victims of the behaviour and criminal activities of their father. Adam Carruthers chose to do this to them too.

I had always thought that the job of the police was to prevent crime and to protect the public. Carruthers did exactly the opposite - he committed crimes and hurt a goodly number of women whilst he was on duty as a police officer. L&B Police traced 38 victims in their inquiries.

Carruthers arguments are beyond me - violation of his human rights? His actions were entirely his own choice. He will not accept responsibility for his own actions like any decent human being does. In this case I feel that the ECHR could not apply to Carruthers. After all, did he consider the human rights of all of his victims and the effect of his actions on them? Many of his victims will not have a pension due to his atrocious behaviour. Sadly some of them have committed suicide.

A decision on this case will be made by the Sheriff in the autumn, but I have been warned that whoever loses is very likely to take this to the Court of Session in Edinburgh. If this all goes against Carruthers, I am told he is likely to take it to the European Court of Human Rights if his generous amount of legal aid so far granted still allows.

So after the debate ......we all continue to wait. Nothing new there then for all the victims, their families and those decent people who are funding his case through the use of legal aid.

Pension hearing starts Tuesday 16th June

Many of you have emailed me to ask for a date the pension hearing case. A journalist had told me it was to start next Thursday, but looking at the Scottish Courts Lists for Dumfries, the hearing of
Adam Carruthers vs Dumfries and Galloway Council
over his right to a full police pension , is scheduled to start on Tuesday 16th June at 10 a.m. at Dumfries Sheriff Court, Buccleuch Street, Dumfries. His claim is in spite of the fact that he raped and sexually assaulted women whilst on duty as a senior police officer.

The court lists show that three days have been set aside for this hearing. Three days! I know, I can imagine what many of you are thinking and it's probably not much different to my own thoughts. At this stage, Carruthers still has almost three years of his prison sentence left to serve, even though he is currently serving it at home in his local community with conditions attached following his release last September.

This hearing is at the expense of the tax payer, income and council tax as it's funded by Legal Aid and the local council have to fight the case using our council tax payments. I'm certainly not happy about that especially as I haven't even got a pension to look forward to.

I won't be at the hearing as the terms of Carruthers licence would make that impossible and, to be honest, I have no desire to see that 'man' ever again should he have the brass neck to appear in person. No doubt I'll hear on the news the outcome of the case ...whenever it comes and be able to update you on the blog. After all that's happened with various stages of the Carruthers case I won't be holding my breath with the outcome of this one.

If Carruthers wins, as I've already alluded to, I believe it would be give his many other victims the opportunity to take him to court through the civil court. 'Proof beyond all reasonable doubt' is not required in a civil case as it was for the criminal case held at Glasgow High Court in May 2001. All of you who have suffered at the hands of Carruthers might like to bear this in mind. He is already a convicted rapist and serial sex offender.

The big question will be ....is rape a pensionable occupation?

My council tax for a rapists pension? NO WAY

Crumbs. This is a really hard slog for me, but the brilliance of friends helping to get things on the go for the protest tomorrow morning at 10a.m is magical and so heartening. Special thanks to Eryl and Stevie, Carolyn, Cello, Liz, Iraina and Mo to name but a few.

This campaign isn't about me, just a woman who was brutally raped by ex-senior cop Carruthers in her own home one October afternoon. NO, this is far more than that dreadful afternoon and all the horrors of trying to get justice in court against a senior police officer.

This pension protest affects so many people:
council tax payers in Dumfries and Galloway
income tax payers
future victims of heinous crimes
the perpetrators who think they can 'milk the system' no matter what

Today I was interviewed by a lovely reporter, Helen Pearson, and filmed by a young chap called Ben for ITV Border News for their news programmes tomorrow. Ben did a lovely job of silhouetting me according to my carer - but I couldn't see how it looked as I had to sit tight whilst the whole thing was set up. I have to think of family, of friends and of course there is the safety issue. We filmed courtesy of the Rape Crisis centre in Dumfries. They then interviewed Iraina, the head of the centre and the woman who ten years ago quite literally saved my life.

Brilliant journalist and friend Marcello Mega has come up with some horrifying stats to show the inequalities between victims and perpetrators. To date, before Carruthers got legal aid for his pension, he has received £110,395 in legal aid for his trial and attempts at appeals. He automatically qualifies for £2,100 for 'slopping out' whilst in jail. He chose to go to jail as he chose to rape and abuse women during his career in the police.

So Marcello's comparative figures show that the South-West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre in Dumfries received less money than Carruthers has had to date in legal aid for keeping the service going last year. SWRC&SAC counselled 199 people last year. That is with the help and generosity of their trained and dedicated volunteers. They save lives. People are destroyed by rape and sexual assault. Rape crisis centres help victims to pick up the pieces, help with the head spinning that comes as us victims try to sort out why and what and blame and changes in behaviour as all victims have to come to terms with when confronted with such dreadful attacks.

So let me put this another way:
Carruthers, the perpetrator £111,395+£2,100 v.s.
SW rape crisis centre and 199 people helped on less money.I can see there is no way the two equate and now .....Carruthers is apparently allowed around £100,000 of legal aid to fight for a pension which would make rape a pensionable occupation. Can you see my blood boiling at this inequality?

What does it mean:
it won't help rape/sexual assault victims want to come forward
the pitiful 2.9% conviction rate for reported rapes won't increase
it doesn't give out a helpful message to perpetrators

Worst of all, the many Carruthers victims are helping him to fight this through their income and council tax so it's a double whammy.
as Eryl said on her blog - ENOUGH.

So tomorrow is another day,
one of protest,
a reporter and film crew for an interview for BBC TV's Reporting Scotland,
a radio interview for BBC Good Morning Scotland going out at around 8.15 a.m.
one where there won't be a decision on the pension after all,
but I hope more people will become aware at the inequalities between victims and perpetrators and find out how their taxes are being used.

ENOUGH - but more from me soon!

Pension for a serial rapist?

This is the week, on Thursday 29th, when the decision will be made in Dumfries Sheriff Court about Carruthers' pension fight. Will the Sheriff decide to give him his full pension? Will the Sheriff decide that he doesn't have a right to it as D&G Council did? Carruthers got up to 100,000K in legal aid to fight for it to alleviate his 'family hardship.' If the decision goes against him will he appeal? Highly likely on his past performance. I think many rapists like Carruthers live in complete denial about everything - be it rapes or pension rights.

I've just spent the afternoon getting emails out to 21 MSP's, 2 MP's and a series of media contacts about Thursday and the emotive issues involved. Will it do any good? Why spend a Sunday afternoon doing this? I sometimes wonder if it's worth the effort and if there will be any progress in changing these sort of injustices.

Yes, it really is worth the hassle, worth the rekindling of bad memories and worth re-feeling the horrors and negativities of much that has been part of my world since I was raped by Carruthers.

I believe action is important for a number of reasons. The behaviour of Carruthers highlights the obstacles that many victims have to face over a long period of time. I could sit back and do nothing - yeah, that would be an easier life for sure, but it's just not me. I have a conscience, a strong feeling for those victims who never get justice. I have a conscience that if people don't know what goes on then how can change possibly be effected? I do care about other victims, known or unknown; anybody who might become involved in this dreadful sort of scenario through no fault of their own.

The fact that Carruthers continues to receive large amounts of public money in legal aid beggars belief, especially for trying to reinstate a full pension for heinous acts he chose to carry out whilst on duty. The irony being that he was being paid to protect the public not go into houses and brutally rape women and sexually assault women whilst on duty.

So if he wins this case on Thursday, many of the Carruthers victims and their families will have to pay their council tax in the knowledge that a serial rapist and sex offender will benefit; that some of their council tax has been spent by their council to defend this action.

What about the victims of the future? Inevitably there will be such people. Ones who probably think 'nothing so bad could ever happen to me.' I was in that bracket of women until 12 years ago. Never say never I now realise is the case .....or was I really unlucky with being raped and then in getting the head injury?

I strongly feel that something positive must come from the horror that is the Carruthers case and from similar cases. To be a survivor who might be able to assist in helping to initiate some of the necessary changes would help. Just to make it better in knowing that women in the future won't have to cope with all the crazy things that the Carruthers victims have had to .......and still have to. I believe that some of these dreadful actions which can later be taken by convicted rapists does not encourage victims to come forward. There is only one place for rapists - prison with a punishment that might keep people safe for a decent period of time and then to keep them under supervision to protect the public as far as is possible.

Some blog readers have contacted me and are going to protest at the court on Thursday. If you feel as upset as they do about this abuse of public money - do join them. It will all help to draw attention to this piece of madness that favours serial sex offenders and neglects their victims. I understand people will be at the court at about 10 a.m.

After the case on Thursday it will be interesting to find out if rape is a pensionable occupation or not.

Rape - a pensionable occupation

As you probably know from previous posts Adam Carruthers, ex-senior police officer and convicted serial rapist and sex offender has taken his previous employers, Dumfries and Galloway Council to court for the re-instatement of his whole pension. At the moment he is only entitled to the money he paid in whilst a cop, roughly 35% or around £6,000 p.a.

From one of my readers:

"Read your blog and noted my comment......hope it helps a little........Carrying on in the same vein.........I know it is a common mistake to confuse the law with justice, however, it would add insult to injury if the sheriff ruled in favour of Carruthers...........It would make rape a pensionable occupation........I hope they realise that.....How sick would that be?"

I quite agree and many thanks for your comments. It would be extremely sick. This is an insult to his many victims, not to mention the whole process of getting justice through the Scottish legal system.

It's interesting that one could already assume the Scottish Legal Aid Board (SLAB) considers that rape and serious sexual offences, such as the ones committed by ex-cop Carruthers when he was on duty qualifies him for his entire pension ......thus making rape a pensionable occupation. Why assume this? I understand the SLAB have made up to £100,000 of legal aid available to Carruthers to fight this pension case.

I continue to throw my hands up in horror at the treatment of victims of serious crime and our justice system; and now also for the people who pay council tax and income tax. We know this money could be better spent - helping the cash-stapped rape crisis centres would be a very good way for starters. They really do save lives, yet Carruthers is claiming 'family hardship.' The pension cut Carruthers got was due to his own choice of heinous actions against many women, some of whom took their own life and others who tried to as a result of his sick crimes.

Remember, Carruthers lost his original criminal trial case, lost his criminal appeal against rape and indecent assault convictions and lost his two attempts to have his conviction quashed through Scottish Criminal Cases Review Commission. Surely that speaks volumes?

The conviction rate for rapes reported to the police in Scotland is a pitiful 2.9% of all cases. That says a lot about our criminal justice system, serial sex offenders like Carruthers and the treatment of victims through the process of getting justice.

This pension case returns to Dumfries Sheriff Court on 29th January. There are many people who have contacted me who will be there on the 29th January to protest against the misuse of public money for the financial gain of convicted sex offenders. Perhaps you might wish to join them?

Compounding errors

There’s been a lot of activity in the press on the subject of convicted rape cop Adam Carruthers in the last few days. On Friday of last week, the Daily Record published a piece about how Carruthers, in a job application, said he left the police force "due to issues out with my control." It seems this man won’t tell the truth and won’t accept that he is a serial sex offender who has serious behavioural problems which eventually, thankfully culminated in his prison sentence and now, sadly, his automatic release from prison under licence.

On Saturday the Daily Record printed an article about this blog. I didn’t see either of these articles in print, but as usual, accessed my news online. It’s the way I get most of my news. Using online news facilities means I don’t have to go out and face the world when I don’t feel up to it, which is most of the time.

Today the Dumfries and Galloway Standard have printed a piece about the blog and the use of tax payers money that Carruthers has at his disposal to fight for his full pension. Such a horrible event for all of his many victims who I think may all come from D&G. Many of them, like me, will be council tax payers.

So compound errors? Carruthers obviously still won’t accept responsibility for his crimes, which continues to leave him as a serious danger and risk to the public and to any community he frequents. The articles in the press state that "I have waived my right to anonymity." Well that is only 'sort of,' in that I allowed my photograph to be taken for articles at the time of the release of Carruthers with strict conditions on their use, or lack of use in the future. I’ve given a name too, but no more than that. Why? I’ve not done anything wrong, I’ve nothing to be ashamed of in what somebody decided to do to me. One important thing I do have to consider is the effect on my family; once again this is a difficult time for them in so many ways.

A rape victim has all control taken from them at the time of an attack. If they report to the police and pursue the attack through the courts, then control is continually lost as the process and the courts dictate procedures .......and so it goes on. Keeping control is a really important issue for most victims of rape and serious sexual assaults. Hence my mixed feelings about the 'balance' in the reporting of some issues I’ve raised in this blog. Journalists, like many writers, might only take edited portions of words said or words printed. Sadly this doesn’t always give the full picture or errors are either compounded by a lack of research or repeating errors previously made.

Why am I feeling slightly aggrieved about this? Because, importantly, the decent people who are tax payers are losers in money dished out by the Legal Aid Board, so are the many victims in the issues raised by Carruthers constant attempts to say “I didn’t do it,” “I want my full pension,” and “I want compensation for having to slop out in prison.” I would argue that when he committed the crimes, he of all people knew what the consequences of getting caught would be.
So far Carruthers has already used over £110,000 of tax payers’ money given from legal aid. Now he has been given up to another £100,000 to fight for his full pension and apparently he’s got yet another application in the pipeline for yet more legal issues he wishes to pursue.

When is the line drawn? It doesn’t seem to be with this man and he’s simply 'playing the system' we have in place. There is just one thick line for the victims with just one chance to give your evidence in court and coping with that was extremely hard with your attacker sitting close by in the dock. Is this constant pursuit against ‘unwelcome decisions’ by a criminal just and respectful for the law abiding citizens, tax payers and council tax payers? How this money could be put to much better use. The rape crisis centres would be extremely grateful for a fraction of this amount of money as they try to work on shoestring budgets and they save lives - the lives of victims like me.

Thankfully many aspects of the investigation and court process are changing from the time when the Carruthers case went to court and there is good news on that front. Forty of the fifty recommendations made in the “Review of the Investigation and Prosecution of Sexual Offences in Scotland,” published by the Crown Office and Procurator Fiscal Service in June 2006 have been implemented.

The use tax payers money for legal aid for criminals chasing the things they lost the right to by committing crimes is something that I urge you to consider carefully and to pursue with your MSP if you also think it is not a fair system when a convicted criminal can’t seem to get the answers he apparently desires, no matter how many times he might try.
Now, where and when is that line going to be drawn?

The time of year

I'd got loads of things lined up in my mind to follow up on the blog since my last entry and none of them have sprung into reality. It's just like me. No action. Feel ....well actually I feel very little. Sometimes I feel nothing bar an emptiness and a heavy head.
It's the time of year for me. Some say 'time of the month' ...well it's time of the year with me now. I’ve always loved the autumn, the colours, the changes in avian residents in the area. There's so much to look at, to marvel at and yet……
That's like a but. That 'yet' is actually a 'but' and it's a big but, a blooming enormous but that try as I do, it hits me like a sledgehammer at this time of year. Anniversaries - I hate them. I don't want to think about them but I do. They creep into my subconscious and take over my mind with the gremlins that come creeping out and terrorise my sleep, my dreams, my thoughts and my goodness Jane .....snap out of it! Aye, if only.
It's like when somebody, usually very well meaning, tells a person with depression to 'snap out of it.' How they would if they could. Same with PTSD and the really bad memories. I recognise they exist. I try to knock them back ....sometimes I’ve tried quite spectacularly. I once did a charity abseil from the Forth Rail Bridge to have something good to remember about this time of year instead .....but it wasn't on the day, not on the day he came in his police car and .......yeah, did all that. The only great thing the abseil did was to raise a lot of money for a very good cause and to give me a few minutes of fun as I came down the rope. Getting up there was a different story with my asthma wheezing away and that was much bigger challenge and the irony was that I was abseiling for the Chest,Heart and Stroke Association!
So the things that I used to really like and used to look forward to at this time of year, like the larches turning into their glowing yellows and a soft westerly wind that left an untouched carpet of golden larch needles on the paths and roads in the mornings, now it doesn't have the same integrity that it used to have for me. OK, it's still the natural world. I adore the natural world, I live for the natural world, I write about the natural world, I used to paint the natural world but .... There I go again. The larch trees that were across the valley from my old house were the last thing I saw before I lost the fight against him.
In recent weeks I’m having such trouble just to get up, to get myself to bed at a decent hour, to not have firework displays of flashbacks, to not have nightmares …..to feel/to be 'normal.' My short-term memory and my speech have also hiccupped with the tiredness and stress. It’s just not working for me again this year. “Maybe one year,” I promise myself. Maybe one year it won’t feel as bad. “Aye, when that bastard’s dead,” said one person last week and one who knew him too.
So now I need to really try and take a grip, be strong, be extra firm with myself. I managed the other day when the rain lashed down like it had forgotten how to stop yet again and the rivers rose at speed, pushed at their banks and found places to break out across the green ground and onto the roads. When neighbours looked like their houses would be imminently deluged with cold brown water and when it became mad to even think of using the road where I live as it was under so much water ….somehow that was different because it wasn’t about me, or about that dreadful day he came. It was different because I felt I needed to get on and do something for somebody else. It’s back to me doing things for others. Not that it was much. Only offering shelter and warmth if they wanted or if they flooded, moral support, saying I cared, that I thought of them, that I wanted to help. I find that bit weird. I’d think of helping anybody (bar one ex-convict) and yet I can’t help myself when I hit the roller coaster downers that take me to the black pits. There was an irony that the floods came on the same day as the day he …., the day I got a letter through the door for the latest appeal for the RNLI to support the volunteers who go out in all weathers. Good people who volunteer to save others.
So now it’s time to try and hold on to reality. The reality of what I’m trying to achieve. The reality of living, the reality of still caring about others in the world because all the decent people matter. People have right to matter because they’re good people who don’t hurt others and so yes, of course they matter. People have a right to be respected and to be cared about as much as any reasonable person does. People have a right to be safe and not to become a victim of any crime. Heaven forbid if they do, they have a right to a justice that means justice from beginning to end of the process and afterwards when the perpetrator is released.
So now I’ll really try harder again. The anniversary of his heinous deeds of that day is over for this year. The larch trees near my new home are beautifully swathed in yellows, ochres and gold, the geese have flown over heading south for better feeding grounds and even though my memories don’t fade, the flashbacks don’t stop, the nightmares don’t leave me much night time peace I know that I must keep chasing my dreams of change; changes that will make a difference.
One man ….and I wonder how many more of his victims find this very same problem at their 'time of year?' I imagine there are many. Would you trust a policeman? Me? It's unlikely I'll ever really truly trust anybody again. BUT I know that’s so unfair on the majority who are good, who do a hard job in difficult and challenging circumstances. One rotten apple was all it took …… just one apple that was rotten to the core ……and good men who either didn’t know or good men who did nothing.
Yes, it has to be time for action and time for change.

Good tax payers money - some of this yours?

It's hard, if not incredible to believe that the Legal Aid Board for Scotland have granted serial sex offender Adam Carruthers yet more money, up to £100,000, to fight his way through yet another legal process to endeavour to regain the whole of his police pension from Dumfries and Galloway Council (his ex-employers) who sacked him after the court case and misconduct inquiries which found him guilty of serious crimes and dereliction of duty on numerous occasions. The Council reduced his right to a full pension and have only granted Carruthers the right to have a pension which equates to the money he paid actually into it. This will give him around £6,000 a year. The Council can not take this money from him as he paid it in to his pension fund.

So let's give just a wee bit of thought to this latest decision.
1. In the lenghty Lothian and Borders Police inquiry Carruthers was found to have stalked, attacked, raped 38 women - to my knowledge he carried out all of these incidents whilst on duty.
2. I was attacked in my own home at 4 o'clock in the afternoon when Carruthers was on duty, in uniform and he arrived at my house in a marked police vehicle. Ironically my own council tax helped to fund his attack against me.
3. The court heard that Ms X was repeatedly raped by Carruthers and, like myself and several of his victims, she also attempted suicide. It has now been reported that two of his victims did sucessfully commit suicide.
4. The day Ms X came home it was Carruthers who told her husband to take their young son out of the house so that he could speak to Ms X and take her statement. He then RAPED her again in what must have been the most horrendous ordeal at a time when she was at her most vulnerable. An ordeal that must be very hard for her husband and their now grown up son to come to terms with.
5. Another victim was stalked whilst she lived in Langholm and this happened whilst Carruthers was on duty. Her case was featured in the BBC Frontline Scotland programme.
6. Carruthers offending behaviour is known to have taken place over a 20 year period - 20 years when he was not doing his duty as a police officer in protecting the public and endeavouring to reduce or stop crime in his local patch. Earlier in his career, as a constable, he was censured for sexual misconduct and yet incredibly he still rose to the rank of police inspector before he was finally suspended from duty and subsequently imprisoned and became renowned as one of Scotland's most prolific sex offenders.

These are just a few points that this incredulous decision of giving a convicted serial rapist even more tax payers money raises.

Who really pays for Carruthers' action against D&G Council as his previous employer?
1. The tax payer in Legal Aid fees. That is you if you pay income tax. His legal aid bill already tops £110,000 - a phenomenal amount of money that some of your income tax has been used for.
2. The Council tax payers of Dumfries and Galloway, an area where many of his victims still reside, will pay through their local council tax in fighting the action and, heaven forbid Carruthers wins his case, they then have to pay more of their council tax money towards his pension which one can certainly argue he doesn't deserve.
3. Yet more trauma is added to his many victims by yet more actions of this man who so abused his power as a policeman one questions how could he even be considered to be worthy of his full pension after what he did to so many women?
4. How can a man who quite obviously did not uphold his police oath or do his duty in serving the local community be worthy of a full pension?

So let's think why Carruthers is taking this legal action.
1. He appears to have absolutely nothing to lose as under current legislation he is legitimately using tax payers money to fight his case. It isn't costing him anything. That is the system we have and we haven't tried to change .....yet.
2. Despite being a convicted sex offender who has lost his appeals against convictions of rape and indecent assaults, the legal system works in his favour and is actually aiding his continued legal actions on any front he appears to see fit.
3. He has everything to gain if he were to win his case and regain his right to a full police pension which would give him a pension of around £17,000 per annum.

What about the victims? This gives a different perspective.
The Criminal Injuries tariff for being raped at the time Carruthers was found guilty was £7,500. If a victim put in a claim for more than one serious injury, as I did, which included permanent psychological damage which requires prolonged pscyhiatric treatment (for post traumatic stress disorder and depression), then the tariff for the rape was reduced to only 10% of that £7,500 ....yes that was a mere £750 compensation for being raped in my own home mid afternoon by a police sergeant on duty paid for by our council tax. The mental scars still remain and that tariff for psychological damage was £20,000 at that time. I remain on 23 prescribed medicines a day, as I have done for many, many years I still have to see health professionals on a frequent basis for the effects of the physical and mental injuries of his attack.

When you put all this in perspective it's not hard for any reasonable person to realise that the income tax and council tax payers are losers and the victims are also the losers physically, mentally and financially. Sadly the memories of these crimes do not fade with time ....you just have to try to learn how to deal with them day by day ...or as was sadly the case with some of Carruthers victims, give up in despair, take your own life rather than try to live with the memories of his actions and also not be believed by his fellow police officers to whom you reported.

As you have read this blog entry I really hope these points raise some searching questions in your minds.
Why is this happening and have we, as a society accepted this system as is? Huge sums of money are paid to serial sex ofenders who have served minimal time in prison and now have everything to gain in financial terms by taking out such actions.
Why do decent people let it happen? May be they don't realise?
Do decent people know the system we have in this country is firmly biased towards the perpetrators?
Why isn't this level of (legal aid) money instead spent on the important (often voluntary) agencies who have to pick up the many pieces and the debris from the shattered lives of the many victims of such heinous crimes? My local rape crisis centre quite literally saved my life yet they work on a shoe string budget and struggle to provide a region-wide service which I, like other survivors know really does save lives.

These are all points that I am raising with MSP's, victims groups and other agencies. Will you raise them too?
I don't want to pay a penny more in council tax to a serial sex offender like Adam Carruthers who has been responsible for the deaths of women and for mulitple traumas to women when it was his paid duty to care and protect them. As a special constable I happily worked many hours each week as a volunteer. In executing my duties I took all the same responsibilties and risks as any paid police officer does. This is not something that I regret. I only regret that I ever met Adam Carruthers and I regret to have discovered that many decent citizens are badly let down by the social and justice systems in our country.

It wouldn't be easy, but if asked, I will stand up in the court yet again and give evidence as to how my council tax was used to pay for a police officer in the employment of D&G Council to abuse, degrade and rape me. I would do this because I believe it is the right thing to do. Serial sex offenders, like any other offender, should not benefit or profit from their crimes. Carruthers made a decision every time he atacked a women and he alone is responsible for all that entails ....including losing his right to a full pension.

"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."

Are you one?

I've been pondering about a comment left on my blog the other day by a woman who was also raped by Carruthers. I realise the amount of emotional outrage and stirring that will inevitably have been caused by the release of Carruthers from such a short time in prison, especially considering the nature of his crimes.

I don't know if you're the one who left the comment and perhaps you'll read this entry if you're following my blog. Whatever, please don't think you're alone. I'm sorry it happened to you too. I bottled it all up for so long, telling nobody. Bottled so much I could have got a job with Guinness, but the result has not been good for my mental health. That bottling, telling nobody (not helped by a string of other horrendous things in a short space of time) led to the chronic level of PTSD that I now have.

If you are a Carruthers victim and you're not coping with what's going on at the moment please speak to somebody if you feel able. Doesn't matter who - a trusted friend, the local rape crisis service, the lovely woman at the head of the Offender Mangament Unit of D&G Constabulary who has been so helpful to me about the release of that scumbag. Just please don't think you're alone with the burden of the memories of what that man did to you and to so many other women. I know you'll be understood and believed. That issue of belief is one of the worst things about sexual crimes. "How can I prove it?" Do take some courage in that it was proved and Carruthers was found guilty, did go to prison, albeit for not very long considering the nature of his crimes. He is a registered sex offender for life. He was found to have committed his crimes over a 20 year period - perhaps it was longer?

There have to be changes to the legislation and the way the legal system deal with these crimes and I'm really fighting for that, so much so that I gave up my image that was precious to me. If you believe in these changes being necessary too, do please leave me a comment - it could be done anonymously, it's up to you, just a show of support would be great.

Decent people do care about their fellow woman/man. Nobody deserves to be abused and in this case the use of a police uniform by Carruthers made it all so much worse. Help me to fight on and do make some noise, even if it's just a squeak!

Sunday papers start my campaign

I've thought long and hard about keeping my right to anonymity. I've nothing to be ashamed of but I accept there are some strange people out there. I've only surrendered my image, not my real name. Today there are articles in the press that I've spent the last week on getting together with freelance journalist Marcello Mega; a man who has the very best of motives. He similarly sees unrepentant serial sex offenders being released back into the community as a recipe for disaster. Ex-police inspector and serial sex offender Adam Carruthers, was released from prison on 12th September 2008, having served just over seven years of his sentence.

My motives are to help others to see that I am an ordinary woman who certainly didn't ask for what happened to my life and to the way it's afffected the family and friends I love. I am appalled at current legislation letting such dangerous people back into our communities at automatic two-thirds sentence stage when it is recognised that they still pose a serious threat to women. These deserve longer sentences and should only be released when they show positive stages of rehabilitation, remorse and a desire to change their ways. This man was let back into the community with very strict licence conditions. So much so that he can't be alone with a single woman not a relative. I believe there are also tight monitoring and surveillance measures on him - so why was he released when considered so dangerous? Because that is the current legislation.

The senior policeman who attacked me was found to have raped, assaulted or stalked 38 women over a 20 year period by the Lothian and Borders Police investigation. I know, as many others do, this figure is 'tip of the iceberg.' I have become aware of other victims since my case was taken seriously and it grieves me that people have died as a result of the actions of Carruthers and there was a failure for women to be protected by the very justice system that should protect all citizens. Lord Dawson was right:

Carruthers was "a total disgrace to the uniform he wore."

The late Lord Dawson went on to say:
"I cannot express the revulsion and contempt with which decent members of society regard you."


I believed in the police and true justice when I worked voluntarily as a special constable, serving as many as 12 hours of my free time each week for my local communities. I enjoyed the work mostly. Drunks on a weekend were a pain, but to be able to help people in distress was something that I could do. To help people in those circumstances was a pleasure, and still is, albeit I'm no longer in the special constabulary or fit to do much of use to society.

The rape has taken the issue of trust away from me. I am only just starting to see that the police force in my area is now far more professional and accountable than it was ten years ago. This is one very good thing to come from the case of rogue cop Adam Carruthers.

So many women were badly let down by the justice system in the case of Adam Carruthers. Myself and two other women had our days in court, but I really feel for those who were not give that opportunity. I can't imagine how they must feel about that lack of justice after such major incidents in their lives.

What I want is change to this legislation and changes to how many people see rape and sexual assualt. If you feel as I do - please contact your MSP and let them know how you feel. You can do this by email, in person, by letter or by telephone. Your local MSP's details are available online, in libraries in Citizens Advice Bureaus and in other places.

If you are a woman who was attacked by this man or another man, I really feel for you. I'm sad that something so devastating and terrible has disrupted your life and I understand the complex issues that rape and sexual assault brings up in your whole life. If you live in Dumfries and Galloway then there is the local South West Scotland Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre on 01387 253113 or online at swrcandsac@btconnect.com They saved my life and I will always be so grateful to them for the help that they gave me in some of my darkest moments. If you're not from D&G then there are other centres and National Rape Crisis Network as well as local Women' Aid centres. Please don't be alone with your thoughts and bottle them up. As I know, it's not healthy and has led to PTSD and depression in my case.

If you wish to talk your case over with the police, it's a personal decision and only you will know if it's right for you. I do know they will listen and will take you seriously, especially if you are from D&G. I eventually did speak out when I thought there was a real chance of proving the deviousness and depravity of this so called 'respectable senior cop' and despite all the hard times, I'm pleased I did - even if it only helped remove a serial sex offender from our streets for 7 years and 4 months. It was something.

I was once told;
"all it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."