As it came towards the automatic early release of Carruthers from jail, I was asked if I'd do a couple of newspaper articles and an article for a magazine. I'm afraid to say I'd not heard of 'Pick Me Up' before. I really don't get out much these days! The magazine with the article on my dreadful encounter with Adam Carruthers was published this last Thursday (16th October), in Issue 42. My carer got me a copy of it on Friday but I simply can't bring myself to read it through. I know it tells the awful tale and the headline on the front is "tortured and raped by my boss." Sadly what it doesn't say on the front cover is that he was a cop on duty and in uniform when it happened.
The interview was done over the phone after an earlier interview I did with friend and trusted journalist Marcello Mega. After consulting my family, I made the difficult decision to give up my image but not my full identity and anonyimty. He had stories in the Sunday Mail and the Mail on Sunday a couple of days after the release of Carruthers. The interview was really hard to do. A woman I'd never spoken to before, I couldn't see her face, she couldn't see mine - thankfully. She read it all back to me. It nearly creased me; the tears ran down my face as she was reading it back and I found I went into a downward spiral for days afterwards.
So why do it? Why put myself through this? The reason is that it will make people think about rape, the after-effects and the issues - or so I hope. The publication of the PMU article wonderfully coincides with the Rape Crisis Scotland campaign, "this is not an invitation to rape me," which was launched this very same week. They now have a live website at www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk and I would urge you to look at it. It challenges the myths that women are somehow asking to be raped for reasons of dress, drink, intimacy, relationships. One day, heaven forbid, you might be a juror in a rape trial - how would you react to these questions that the defence will throw at you about the victim?
There are other less important reasons for doing this article, less important than the reason I'm campaigning for changes in the way victims are treated, but ones that people might like to think about. It will go some way to pay for the extra security - new doors, new windows with multiple locking points and the CCTV that has had to put around my house to fulfill the police security survey on the property. This has run into many thousands of pounds. It of course nowhere near meets these bills, but for my mother it is of paramount importance to her that I am as safe as possible and so the work has had to be done. The poor woman has gone through hell and still does with everything that has happened to me. As she approaches 80, it's not what I want for her, or for any decent person. She's a very generous and kindly soul and I'm not saying that because she's my Mum, but she is very special. Others who read this blog and know her will I'm sure agree whole heartedly. I hate the ripple effect of crime. Sadly there has been nothing I can do about it to protect the people I really love and care about.
There is a weird juxtaposition of headlines on the front cover of the magazine. Some that highlight what turns a woman on, having a monster mouth, a wife swap, the shape of a bloke's penis and then ......the article about Carruthers heinous actions. Somehow it seems strange to me, but the magazine caters for their readership and they obviously like the good, bad and the simply weird stories.
Will this article do any good for the campaigning of how rape victims are treated? Will it raise the abysmal 2.9% conviction rate of rape cases that go to court in Scotland? Marcello has told me that the article been taken up by Jeremy Kyle in the "Jeremy's Judgement" section of the magazine, so perhaps that shows the relevance of the issues involved. There is apparently also comment from a psychologist about the deviant behaviour of Carruthers .....so who knows the outcome and the impact. It's like any campaign, you put in everything you're mentally and physically able to in order to raise awareness and, for me, I just hope that there will be benefits for those who will sadly follow in the future. Rape destroys lives.
Saturday, 18 October 2008
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9 comments:
OMG Jane, I don't have words to say how i really feel about what happened to you, and then the head attack thing too. You're an incredible woman. So brave and even now you still care about others. xxx
Well done for doing the magazine article, let's hope it does raise awareness. The rape crisis campaign looks good too, thanks for publicising it. We seem to treat men as if they have no capacity for self control, which is highly damaging for all of us, them too. That whole 'women should keep them selves to themselves because men are weak' attitude is, quite frankly, insulting to most men; as well a making women prisoners of their own bodies. XXX
Anon, thanks for your comment. I sometimes wonder if I'm 'brave' (as you put it) or silly in trying to draw attention to the current state of affairs with these crimes and again sticking my head above the parapet, but for me I can't imagine that anything else can be worse than what's already happened to me. I know that I won't ever stop caring about other decent people, some of whom are not in a position to stand up for themselves.
Eryl, many thanks for your comment too. Yes, there is a grave danger of thinking of a 'them' and 'us' with the way rape tends to split the genders. I haven't met a man who is not upset (often an understatement) by what has happened to the victims of Carruthers.
Also we mustn't forget that there is such an offence as male rape. I simply can't imagine how a man copes with such a dreadful crime. There are even fewer support services for male victims and that's a dreadful state of affairs in what is quite obviously not an equally caring society. Rape really does destroy lives ....if you're a male victim, a female victim or a relative or friend of a victim .....the effect of ripples in the pond can be spectacularly destructive on many lives.
Jane, I can understand how this happened to you. I am an ex police officer and at the tender age of 18 found myself on night patrol with older officers who thought nothing about putting their hands up my skirt. It's an empowerment thing, and I lost count of the men I had to smack in the mouth to retain my dignity. The divorce rate within the Police force is high, and it's no wonder cases like yours crop up, there are probably many more like you who daren't speak out. You have my full support for your cause, no one should be allowed to get away with this, whatever their position in society. Good luck with your campaign. xxx
Hi Tallulah, thanks for your comment and sorry that you had experiences like so many young women police officers appear to have. Smack in the mouth sounds good and well deserved! This man deserves far more punishment than he has received and he is responsible for the loss of life. I just have to hope that now he's out of jail he'll start to feel the real outrage of decent people who abhore this sort of crime. The extent to which he offended is both stark and shattering. I still think 'tip of the iceberg' with his offending and deviousness, as has already been shown by some of my blog comments.
I reckon the campaign will only work well if victims and outraged people say more, speak more openly and really bend the ears of the politicians and policy makers.
Good luck Tallulah with what you've chosen to do instead. I hope it's good for you and you're now treated with the respect and dignity .....as any woman/decent person deserves by right. Jane x
Hi i have just read your story and i can't believe it. After all if we can't trust police officers who can we trust? Im only 19 but reading stories like yours really sicken me and i can't believe that he got such a short sentence where as i think people like that deserve to be locked away with the key thrown away. I was sexually assaulted myself 3yrs ago and my attacker got away with it as there was no evidence. I think your a really strong woman and wish you all the best. Keep your head up! =] x x x
Hi Anon, I'm so sad to hear that you were assaulted at such a young age and nobody held to account. That's the hardest thing to come to terms with. In Scotland only a 2.9% conviction rate of rape cases that go to court are successful and when you're up against a cop .....it just made it all the harder .....BUT he turned out to be worse than anybody ever thought. I find it so difficult to trust people now - no matter who they are. I quite agree that a devious man like him kept in secure prison accomodation for 7+ years then allowed straight back into the community is a very bad idea. He's being dealt with as 'a danger to the public' yet our legislation says he has to be released. It's crazy and it's why I'm trying to make noises about how utterly crazy this sort of thing is.
Best of luck for your future and thanks for your good wishes.
Jane x
We talk about our experiences because we h-a-v-e to, and we talk about it until we don't have to talk about it any more. It changes our lives and rattles the very essence of our being.
And it changes us in ways we never knew existed. Hugs to you, dear Jane.
I raise my cup to you from across the pond.
Thanks Debra.
With my essence well and truly rattled and as a partly changed woman, I talk about this subject to hope that some things might change for the better for those poor souls who will inevitably follow as victims of crime. I talk because I care about others. Always did and always will. I have seen many horrors in 'the system' and I don't like it. Fingers crossed there might be changes. Love from Scotland, Jane x
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